Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
No Plunge For 2013
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For the first time in several years, we did not attend the Sea Isle City Polar Plunge -- the house we normally rent for the weekend was flo...
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The Real Question
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Looking back, I have decided that I phrased yesterday's too moralistically . . . too much in the manner of Immanuel Kant's "oug...
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A Sentence Request From My Wonderful Wife
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My wife would like me to crowdsource this question, as we have an ever-so-slight difference in opinion: how much help should parents give th...
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3 +1 = Anger
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So this is the scene: Ian is putting something in the kitchen garbage, I am getting coffee out of the microwave, and Catherine is fiddling w...
Cooking Strike Day 13
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Due to unappreciative children and an empathetic spouse, my wife went on a two week "cooking strike" -- and the first night was a ...
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Puuuuuuuullllll iiiiiittttttt . . .
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It's that time of year again -- the time of year when, because of Hamlet , I entertain all topics supernatural, and challenge spirit...
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Can't Afford $24.95? Go to H-Mart!
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If you don't feel like driving all the way to Camden, and then shelling out nearly twenty-five clams for admission to The Adventure A...
Grand Opening of an Absurd Acronym
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The long vacant building in Highland Park that once housed Charlie Brown's is finally reopening, as a Korean BBQ Chicken place, but a...
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Blonde People Got No Reason To . . .
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My son Alex -- who does not really look like my son, as he has a beautiful head of blonde hair -- noticed that all the protagonists of his f...
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More Parent Abuse
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My eight year old son Alex, who believed he was being unfairly forced to clean up a mess that his brother Ian created, when asked by my wife...
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I Taught That Kid Everything He Knows!
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So I'm reading Andrew Solomon's tome Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity, and I'm plugging my ...
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Parent Abuse
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I told my son Alex that he needed to eat some more of his mother's delicious home-made chicken soup (which he ate without complaint two ...
Not For People Who Live in a Ranch
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Why must kids always play on or near the top of the stairs?
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Italy vs. Holland vs. Beirut
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To describe raising her child with Down Syndrome, Emily Perl Kingsley wrote an inspirational modern fable called "Welcome to Holland&qu...
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Cast Your Vote For the Best Robot
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While we were waiting for the check at my favorite local Mexican restaurant, Costa Chica , my son Ian and I had a robot drawing contest, ...
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Apples, Trees, Ducks, Llamas, Bop It, etc
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My wife and I were watching Girls on Friday night, the kids tucked away in their respective beds, but every so often, from up the stairs, we...
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It Did Have Two Holes In It
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Phone call from who my son calls "second in command" at his school -- apparently Alex and his buddy found a broken board in the au...
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Seven Reasons Kids Should Watch Rocky
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I just watched Rocky with my children, and I highly recommend it for young boys, as the film contains some valuable life-lessons for th...
Awkward Dave Returns in the Form of a Duck (or a Llama)
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Awkward Dave reared his ugly head last Tuesday, and if it wasn't for my colleague Chantal, things might have gotten really awkward, but...
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Sometimes the Apple Falls Horizontally
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I am slowly making my way through Andrew Solomon's magnum opus, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity . . . ...
A Young Lady Shuts Me Up
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I was explaining this pathetic tale to my senior English class -- and I was taking the perspective that I had "accomplished the task g...
My Wife Admits She Erred!
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Apparently, my wife has NOT been reading my blog, or she would have remembered this rule to live by . . . but instead of obeying my wisdom,...
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That's Really Incredible!
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Last Monday, while eating a delicious slice of porcetta (a meal that a friend of ours only prepares on Martin Luther King Day, because she h...
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How Much Campanology Can You Tolerate in a Novel?
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I was enjoying Dorothy Sayers' classic mystery The Nine Tailors . . . but eventually all the campanology got to be too much for me and ...
Coaching Trick
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If you stick smelly, damp, and dirty soccer pinnies in the dryer for a bit, then they seem clean (or they seem clean to seven year old ...
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Shocking News in the World of Traffic!
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I saw someone on Route 1 start to do the infamous "drive in reverse on the shoulder of a busy highway because I missed my exit and I am...
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Another Great Free Idea
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Usually, my wife folds my laundry -- though I tell her this is unnecessary -- so this time, when she finished the load, I took the basket an...
There IS a Correct Answer to this Question
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So Tuesday night at dinner, my eight year old son Alex posed this question to my wife: "Would you rather be bigger or smaller?" an...
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Super Bowl XLVII: The Harbaugh Bowl or The Harbor Bowl?
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Everyone and their brother has taken note of the fact that the upcoming Super Bowl is the first time siblings have met each other as oppo...
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I Am Not a Man
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Instead of watching the Baltimore/New England NFL championship game on Sunday, my wife and I engaged in a marathon of the HBO comedy Gir...
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Dogs vs. Geese
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I hate the park by my house right now -- it's muddy and full of goose-shit -- and the only way to solve the problem (without resorting t...
You vs. Speransky
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It's often surprising what can generate a good discussion in English class: last week I had the kids read a short passage from War and P...
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They Are Probably High in Fiber
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My dog likes to eat shin-guards.
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If Only He Could Harness His Brain For Good
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The other day my son Alex informed me that "if you say tuba backwards, it's 'a butt'"
There Is Definitely Something Wrong With Me
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So my older son -- who is eight -- got a Ripstik caster board for Christmas; if you haven't seen one of these things, they look like ...
Holes in the Loop
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Not much to complain about with Rian Johnson's new time travel movie Looper -- the visual effects are gritty and realistic, Bruce Wi...
Wow.
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Katherine Boo's new book Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity is astounding on three levels: 1) ...
Alex and I Take the High Road
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The other night, I was reading my kids Daniel Pinkwater's awesomely bizarre children's book Lizard Music, and we came to the part w...
Regrets: If You Don't Have Them You Are Dumb
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I try to appreciate all that I have -- which I know is a lot . . . especially because I'm reading Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Lif...
Another Rule to Live By
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Even if you are going somewhere by car, you should still dress for the weather outside.
And I Thought I Was Living in a Democracy
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My wife and I were "debating" over the placement of a piece of furniture, and my younger son Ian overheard this discussion and rem...
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I'll Try Anything If It's Covered . . .
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This Isn't Me, But It's What Happened. This is me, several hours later. So I guess I'm at the age where I'll let a p...
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North Conway Pros and Cons
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Over winter break we took a family vacation to North Conway, New Hampshire and stayed at the Red Jacket Resort, a big family-friendly hotel ...
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I Did Suffer a 103 Fever!
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Catherine Boo's new book Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity -- a non-fiction account of life ...
Inadvertent Test
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I accidentally performed a social experiment on my son Alex last Thursday night: it was soccer clinic night, and Ian was sick with the flu -...
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My Kids Did Not Take the Expected Journey
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The Hobbit is a totally entertaining film -- though a bit over-the-top with the visual effects (especially the battling stone giants . . ...
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It's A Free Country Part II
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In America, you have the right to put a slice of pig on your veggie burger, and you also apparently have the right to drive a twenty year ol...
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It's a Free Country
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Sometimes, I put a couple slices of ham on my veggie burger.
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Emo Finally Defined
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Ironically, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is the first book I have read entirely in electronic format (on my wife's Kindle) . . . ...
Sometimes It Takes A Decade For Closure
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If you are frustrated by the incomprehensible school shooting Newtown, Connecticut, I highly recommend that you take a step back in time ...
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A Sentence with Very Little Resolve
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My 2013 New Year's Resolution has me stumped -- I need to lose a few pounds, but no one cares about that, and I don't feel like rest...
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These Might Be the Best Sentences of 2012
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I just finished reading "The Year in Review" section of The Week magazine, and -- wow! -- Sentence of Dave did not tackle any of ...
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Chevy Chase Moment . . . With Blood
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My parents needed some help getting the Lionel trains to run in a circle around the tree, and so I volunteered to troubleshoot the track -- ...
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Succulent Suffixes (Dave is Back! With a Topic That His Dog Would Enjoy)
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If you affix the word "chop" to any type of meat -- pork chop, veal chop, turkey chop -- then I don't find the dish appetizing...
Union Logic, Woof!
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In a situation where there is global competition, such as the auto industry and other manufacturing, it's going to be tough to defend th...
My Master is Good
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I am very, very sorry for my poor typing yesterday -- my paws are large and clumsy and my vocabulary is rather limited, but after hours of i...
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Sentence of Dog
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While I am on vacation in New Hampshire, my dog Sirius has volunteered to write a sentence each day for the blog . . . he is guarding our ho...
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We Have A Lot of Spoons
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Thirty two, to be exact, and I'm talking about adult, silverware type spoons -- I didn't include any of the kiddie spoons with plast...
My Children Do Not Obey The Laws (of Gravity)
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Often, when I am sitting in my kitchen, drinking a beer and reading a book, and my children are upstairs, getting ready for bed, I wonder: h...
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Every Two Years . . .
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There are some topics of conversation that don't come up very often -- and my two favorites, which are related and appeal to the same su...
Dave Suffers For the Children of the World!
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I am usually pretty lame at soliciting charitable donations from the students for our annual holiday gift drive -- especially in comparison ...
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Bonus!
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If you don't care about the Giants, but you love all things "Dave," then head over to Gheorghe: The Blog for a book review an...
It's Best Not To Have Any Expectations
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I was incredibly excited about the Giants/ Falcons game last weekend, because my parents were taking the boys for the afternoon, and it was ...
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Girls Are So Much Smarter Than Me
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You could have given me a million years, and I still wouldn't have come up with the word "limiting" as a less abrasive synonym...
I Am So Much Smarter Than My Students
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"The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas" is a science-fiction short story by written in 1973 by Ursula Le Guin, and if you've nev...
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I Am Average!
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The average American male's self-reported weight has increased from 180 pounds in 1990 to 196 pounds in 2012 . . . and I am wondering if...
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The Tent is Like a Castle
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So far, the new Dave Eggers book A Hologram for the King reminds me of a modernized version of The Castle , by Frank Kafka; Alan just can...
Christmas Rant #1,032,293
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Something to consider when over-consuming during the holiday season, Costco and Trader Joe's pay their employees a living wage, while ...
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A Good Lesson: Fake It
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According to Paul Tough's new book How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character, the most important thing th...
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What the F#$@ Does Dave Know About The Higgs Boson?
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Though I am completely unqualified to say anything regarding physics, this hasn't deterred me at all; I have now written two pieces abou...
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Lost in the Fun Home
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Alison Bechdel's autobiographical graphic memoir Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic is by far the best existentialist illustrated Joycean ...
Catfish Smells Fishy
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I can't put my finger on exactly what it is about the documentary Catfish, but the story seems too neat, too contrived, and too perfe...
Chucker vs. Shooter
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Sometimes, when I am in an existential mood, I wonder: Am I a chucker or a shooter? but this is one of those intractable philosophical co...
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The Gospel According to Alex
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According to my eight year old son, the three wise men brought the baby Jesus "gold, Frankenstein, and myrrh."
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When In Doubt, Blame It On Your Wife
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I certainly have no problem blaming things on my kids that are actually my own fault , but there are times when it's much more logical t...
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The Yellow Birds: Catch-22 Without the Jokes
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The Yellow Birds , a novel written by Iraqi War veteran Kevin Powers, has a scene reminiscent of Catch-22 : as I raced to the finish of t...
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One of the Many Wonderful Things About Knowing Whitney Even Longer Than I've Known My Wife
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I recently pointed out that one of the wonderful things about being married is the verbal shorthand you have for memories -- a short and si...
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Things Overheard in the Hallway
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One sophomore said to another, "You're like a shrimp . . . you're a shellfish" and this was such a strange phrase that I c...
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A Fun Game (if you like loud noises)
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A few weeks ago, we converted our spare change into an Amazon Gift Card, and this has led to some impulse purchases . . . the latest is...
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One of the Many Wonderful Things About Marriage
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On our way up to Vermont this Thanksgiving, we stopped to eat at Roy Rogers, and my wife said, "Remember what happened at Roy Rogers?&...
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Was Dave One-Upped or One-Downed?
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When I mentioned that my dog Sirius requires two bags for his morning walk, my friend Stacey -- who is taller than me, but has a much smalle...
Bigfoot vs. Ram Bomjon
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There are two types of people : 1) people rooting for a conclusive Bigfoot encounter . . . and if you are one of these types of people, t...
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