Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Super Extra Serendipitous Good Luck Bonus Sentence
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On the way to work this morning-- and, appropriately, it was raining-- I passed by a tractor trailer double stacked with concrete sarcophagi.
My Son Already Has a Higher Rank Than Me?
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While we walked to get some falafel Alex formulated an intricate plan to spring loose the baby pig he visits with my dad at College Farm-- h...
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Parrot vs. Human
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I just read an article in the New Yorker about this African gray parrot (who, unfortunately, just croaked) and he seems to know his colors ...
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Vocab Lesson
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I just raced to the finish of Richard Price's new novel Lush Life, and along the way I learned a few new words and terms: want cards, ...
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Solar Flare Blues
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If you're feeling down and you don't know why, it could be a solar flare bombarding your pineal gland with electromagnetically charg...
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Happiness is Having More Fun Than Your Brother
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Alex lost video-watching-privileges last night because of his recalcitrance at the smoothie place, but while Ian was watching Dinotopia we ...
Death By Venom Is Funny
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Last night, Ian found someone willing to turn every page in his animal encyclopedia (she was ten) and with each animal he had a dire warnin...
Juno Impregnated My Brain (With a Desire For Orange Tic Tacs)
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Yesterday, on my way to happy hour, I did something very uncharacteristic: I made an impulse buy . . . I had watched Juno the night before...
The Good, The Bad, The Lies, and a Booger
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Alex told me that at school yesterday, "a tear went down my face and plopped onto the ground at lunch because I missed you so much"...
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Could You Demonstrate That Once More, Please?
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Alex was in a creative mood yesterday: he told us how he had to call the police on Catherine's mom because she crawled under the couch ...
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Food: Fuels You Up and Slows You Down
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It took twenty-four minutes to walk to this really good (and really cheap) Mexican restaurant in New Brunswick-- even while pushing the kids...
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But . . .
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Ian begins every sentence with the word "but" (e.g. but I have to pee, but I like this worm, but I was crying for you to get me) ...
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Sleep: That's Where I'm a Viking
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Catherine and I have resolved to stop snacking so much after dinner-- we both want to get fit before the summer-- but the only way I could s...
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Summer = Two Month Weekend
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Although tomorrow seems bleak: rainy and the end of spring break, there is still the solace that in the school year as a week metaphor, it ...
Waves: They Just Keep Coming
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We get up at five in the morning and drive home; our plan was for the kids to sleep int he car, but Alex is up like a shot, before he can r...
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Bruce is Patient
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Friday: my college buddy Bruce, who runs Kittyhawk Kites-- the largest hang-gliding school in the world-- gets Alex and Ian airborne in a g...
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Wild Wild Life
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Thursday: a list of the wildlife we saw: dolphins, raccoon, gray fox, fiddler crabs, sand crabs, ospreys, herons, terns, pelicans, and-- of ...
The Mental Age Game
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Wednesday: Good weather returns and we hike over the tallest dune on the East coast (Jockey's Ridge) to the sound, where Alex and Ian b...
Two Visits in One Day
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Tuesday: rainy day, so we visit the aquarium and my friend Bruce-- he has two boys of similar age and demeanor as Alex and Ian, so there are...
Ominous Vacation Monday
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Monday: things look grim, Catherine has a sinus infection and rain is headed our way, but we did get some beach time in the morning while C...
Running: Young or Old, It Makes You Tired
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Sunday: A great day on the beach , and even though I kept letting Alex and Ian beat me in countless footraces down the beach, Catherine and...
Loser = Whitney
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Friday night, Whitney and I stayed up drinking beer until four in the morning-- which wasn't the brightest way to start vacation-- excep...
Sometimes You Should Think INSIDE Your Brain
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No sentences for a week-- we'll be at the beach and I purposely left my laptop at home, but don't get your panties in a bunch, I'...
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Hard Habit to Break
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I commuted to work twice today; Catherine actually made me recite "take the Jeep, take the Jeep" because she needed to clean and ...
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Wherein Dave Eats A Young Lady's Food (Without Permission)
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After a frantic morning in class (I screwed up and permanently burned the director commentary on the DVD I wanted to show-- there was no tur...
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Mom's a Good Teacher . . . Just Great
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Yesterday, when we informed Alex that we would be watching mommy on television (on "Classroom Close-Up" on NJN) he started pacing ...
The Best Band Name Ever
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Here we are-- "The Hanging Chads"-- a teacher posted our entire performance, including the interminable fiasco with the cords...
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The Grand Total Is . . .
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After much frustration, deliberation, and soul-searching, I spent the extra cash and sprung for my first Apple product-- an Ipod Nano-- and ...
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Poetry Versus Chemistry
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High school drama . . . science teachers denounce the poetry festival . . . students are denied access to the dark artists of the pen becaus...
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Fall Is Not Ready For Me
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Too hot yesterday-- I'm ready for fall.
Dave vs. Squirrel
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I was dreading it all day, but who am I to be afraid of a little squirrel?-- so I donned my goggles, a dust mask, and a rain jacket with the...
Like Stanley Milgram, I Cross The Line (But It's For Science!)
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I did an activity with my students today designed to replicate Stanley Milgram's infamous obedience experiment, and I found that stude...
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The Culprit? My Wife
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Yesterday, the sports-watch I lost weeks ago reappeared on shelf where I keep my stuff, and my question was: how did it get there?-- but aft...
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Ideas . . . Where Do They Come From?
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I had an epiphany last night, and I'm annoyed that I didn't think of it sooner (but you can't really control when you think of a...
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No More Mr. Nice Guy (to Squirrels)
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Two things that shouldn't happen on a lazy hungover Saturday: 1) Alex hit Ian on the head with a metal shovel, ripping a gash in his ...
Courbet Foray
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It was a long strange trip, including a detour to Queens, and we were definitely the most inebriated people in the gallery, but it was certa...
Jack Watches Everything
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I knew that Sam Anders was reciting lyrics from "All Along the Watchtower" from the moment he said "No reason to get excited,...
It's a Playground Not a Pee Ground
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Conflict at the playground: Ian was involved in some kind of incident with a long-haired boy (who I mistakenly called a girl) but his mom a...
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Tales of Vinnie the Roofer
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Apparently, back when he lived in Youngstown, Ohio, Vinnie the Roofer was friends with Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini's brother, and ...
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Dave Throws in the Sentence Writing Towel
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After over a hundred posts, I think it's time to hang it up: I'm having trouble coming up with new ideas, I'm losing time with ...
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Alex Tries to Bar the Door
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This morning, Alex decided that he loved my company so much that he was going to bar the door so that I couldn't leave for work-- but af...
Can't We All Just Remain Polarized?
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As far as I can tell, any policy or strategy that is bi-partisan is doubly dumb; e.g. Big Corn, ethanol, energy independence, the War on Ter...
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How Do You Spell The Plural of Mississippi?
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I had to urinate for the majority of our hellish ninety minute ride to Queens last weekend, and by the time I got into the bathroom my bladd...
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Chads! Chads! Chads!
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I was pleased with the last minute name I thought of for our faculty band's "Rock the Vote" performance: "The Hanging Ch...
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Dave's Fortune: The Future Will Be Stupid
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Randomly reading recommendations that Amazon selected for me, I found this gem of a sentence-- if you're wondering about the future of p...
You Shouldn't Feed My Ego
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A momentous day: a mysterious tall woman ran into my classroom this morning and snapped my picture on her cell-phone camera, and now I know...
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We All Love to Ignore Our Parents
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After I took a plastic dagger and sheath away from the boys because it cracked and needed gluing, Ian tried to sneak behind my back-- walkin...
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This is the Deal
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They sell the printer cheap and then make the money on the ink cartridges.
Bunny Logic
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My parents took Alex and Ian to their church yesterday for an Easter egg hunt and to meet the bunny himself, but Alex was not duped: he said...
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Arr?
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Piracy has been so romanticized that I'm having a hard time explaining to my kids that pirates are thieves -- and often ruthless and san...
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Follow the Link
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Two things: 1) never drive to Queens (we went to the Hall of Science there today, which was nice, but the drive out of a Mad Max movie; 2...
Funny How?
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One of Ian's absurdist knock-knock jokes: knock knock . . . who's there? . . . diaper apple . . . diaper apple who? . . . apple di...
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Creative Gluttony
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Someone put out a huge spread of goodies in the English office, but I had a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich to eat-- so to maximize my cons...
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There's Nothing Better Than Not Shitting Your Pants
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It's official: Ian has toilet-trained himself (and with no encouragement, charts, stars, prizes, or treats-- which Alex thinks is unfai...
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Is It So Wrong To Enjoy Refrigeration?
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Last night I ate a big bowl of peanut butter gelato with sprinkles and chocolate chips on top and it tasted that much better because I was w...
Cold Choices
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I think we're going with the French door style refrigerator with the freezer on the bottom-- and if anyone has a problem with that, I...
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Precision
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I got up early this morning to finish Persepolis, a graphic novel that was just made into a MAJOR MOTION PICTURE! -- and I'm giving it n...
Dave Channels Carl Spackler
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I was debating what to do with the squirrels in my attic after I catch them in the humane trap I'm going to purchase, but after the taun...
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The Costs and Benefits of a Pus Filled Boil
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Having my abscess infection scooped out was no bargain, but at least I'll be able to enjoy an episode of "Flight of the Conchords&q...
They're Building Something Big . . .
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This morning I awoke alone in bed and found Catherine asleep downstairs on the couch; I hoped that it wasn't a bout of noxious flatulen...
Our Phone Probably Doesn't Have Athlete's Foot
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Catherine told me I couldn't write about this because she didn't want people to think we're dirty, filthy people, but then it br...
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Gary Gygax is Dead
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Way back in 1992, Whitney and I capitalized on the death of Dr. Seuss with our eponymous "tribute" song . . someone should do the...
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Justice is Served
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For Sartre, "l'enfer, c'est les autres," but for me hell is a high school musical, and yesterday I was definitely in a cir...
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Playground Illusions (and Allusions)
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Alex and Ian were playing "pirate-ship" on the jungle gym with a bunch of kids the other day, and Alex started yelling, "sire...
This IS Going to Hurt
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You know it's trouble when the dentist actually tells you something is going to hurt-- but I did learn something: a pus-filled abscess ...
These Are My Demands
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We're meeting with the architect today to tell him what we want our new kitchen to be like, and I want to give him a few unrealistic dem...
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Am I Some Kind of Dancing Monkey?
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It's been a busy day (I had to sign Alex up for pre-school among other things) and I haven't been able to think of anything particul...
How To Get to Leave Work Early
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Yesterday, I had to leave school early because the zipper on my fly broke (I tried to fix it with a piece of double-sided tape because I was...
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Anapestic Birthday Wishes
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Today is the day-- now I'm thirty-eight!-- The Doctor and I share the same date-- If Seuss were alive, he'd be one-o-two, And if ...
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Other Minds
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Alex turned four today, and he's he's having a few friends from school over, which is very weird-- that he has this life of his own ...
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Winter Is Coming for Whitney
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Whitney came to visit last night, but he was woefully unprepared for the cold weather-- he had his work shoes, thin socks, a light jacket, s...
You Hugged My Fart
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Some primitive attempts at humor last night from the kids: when Cat's mom said "See you in the morning" to Alex, he replied b...
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Funny When?
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I watched "Trailer Park Boys" last night, after a long hiatus from them; they weren't as funny as I remembered-- but I'm ...
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Anyone Can Draw and Amoeba
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I've been creating some poorly drawn animation on my tablet: if anyone has any easy-to-draw plot ideas for my amoeba sitcom, send them ...
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Dave Does Coz
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Went with Catherine to see Bill Cosby last night, with the MAN and the woman . . . and if it wasn't for the BEER . . . well, then you y...
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Winter Fun!
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Yesterday, Alex, Ian and I built an igloo (and both my kids could comfortably fit inside-- a marvel of ice architecture); today, to continu...
Like Father, Like Son
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It was only Alex and me at the breakfast table this morning; he looked at me and said "We're both picking our noses!" and it ...
Amoeba Love
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Today, instead of using my snow day wisely and doing my taxes while the children napped, I wrote a short love song about amoebas and animate...
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Dave Controls the Weather
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To celebrate the 100th Sentence of Dave I have arranged for a snow day; please show your appreciation by clicking on the ads.
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Is This Normal?
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Yesterday I consumed (in chronological order): two packs of oatmeal, an apple, a yogurt, five Munchkin Donuts, a cobb salad and jalapeno ch...
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How Can You Remember If You Forgot?
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I realized on Monday that I've been driving without my license since early December-- I needed to show my ID at the Philadelphia Zoo bec...
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Acting! Is Very Silly . . .
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I suffered through hours of Kate Blanchett pretending to be Queen Elizabeth because I wanted to see the Spanish Armada battle scene, and it ...
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2/18/2008
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The warm weather made the animals extremely active at the zoo today-- polar bears wrestled underwater, penguins breached, the lions were act...
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2/17/2008
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Yesterday, my two sons and I formed a short lived rock'n'roll band, and my son Alex came up with our name: The Junior States (he ha...
THAT'S Fresh
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I listened to 8 Diagrams on my eight-mile run this morning, and the Wu-Tang is still "keeping it fresh like Tupperware."
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This Sounds Stupid (And Maybe It Is)
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I hate it when actors have to act : for example, Catherine and I were watching an entertaining thriller called Primal Fear and the part re...
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2/14/2008
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A few weeks ago, I challeneged Alex to rub his belly and pat his head at the same time, but he was unable to do it and never mentioned it ag...
2/13/2008
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A bittersweet day: Alex conquered the sled hill by our house for the first time, but Ian was sick with a fever and had to stay inside.
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2/12/2008
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2/11/2008
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8 comments:
2/10/2008
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The new kitchen is always the topic around our house: yesterday's topic was why does a stone floor feel colder than a wood floor when ei...
2/8/2008
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I learned two things last night: God is a giant ear, and a "hook-up" is when you smuggle prison food out of the dining hall and ba...
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2/8/2008
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Alex approached me with another "drawing" of his and I got ready to channel my time spent in the Uffizi (I use the Stanislavski me...
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Emu Farm
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A new song by Greasetruck , but it's the same old story: boy meets girl, boy tries to impress girl by purchasing an emu farm, boy negle...
6 comments:
Fourteen Words That Will Kill Your Buzz
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I was having fun writing my trilogy of aphorisms about time, until I read this last night in Nabokov's Speak, Memory : "our exist...
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2/5/2008
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Living in the present is an impossible dream: one part of the mind is always anticipating the future, while another constantly assesses the ...
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2/4/2008
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Thinking about the past is a trap: remembering the bad times is depressing, and reminiscing about the good times is depressing as well, beca...
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2/3/2008
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Alex's swim lesson will be ten minutes longer today, to make up for the time that was lost last week because some kid upchucked in the p...
2/2/2008
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On Google Trends you can observe the top 100 web searches for the day-- it's a window to the consciousness of the world; on the day Heat...
2/1/2008
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Writing my sentence while I have to urinate ensures that it will be short.
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