1/10/2008
Last night, spellbound by his first viewing of the Star Wars Trilogy, Alex insisted that "The Empire Strikes Back" should actually be called "Darth Vader on the Loose!" (exclamation point his).
1/9/2008
I'd like to thank the U.S. Postal Service for getting me my movie on time-- "Street Fight" arrived today and now the rest of my week will be smooth and easy.
1/8/2007
I'm really counting on Blockbuster to mail me "Street Fight" -- if it doesn't arrive by Friday I'm going to have to teach.
1/5/2008
We met with the kitchen design lady the other night, and she showed us some very nice kitchens she designed-- but they were TOO nice, it made nervous-- if our kitchen is that nice, then do we have to start making the rest of our house nice?-- and where does it end?-- do I have to start dressing nice?-- driving a nice car?-- saying nice things to people?-- do I have to get that little skin flap cut off my eye-lid so I look nice? do I have to eat better food so my flatulence smells nice?-- where do you draw the line in the sand?
1/3/2008
Last night, Catherine asked Alex to turn down the volume on the stereo, but he turned the knob the wrong way and turned the volume WAY up; he then clapped his hand over his ears, screamed, and ran into the kitchen-- it was really really funny.
Why Are There So Many Televisions At The Gym?
Catherine and I went to the gym together on New Year's Day, and we put Alex and Ian in the kid's play area while we worked out-- it's a large open space with a indoor jungle gym and some of those big red and yellow cars that you sit in-- they were very excited, but when we returned, the lady had turned the TV on and this annoyed me because I wanted my kids to get some exercise, not watch TV, and because we never let them watch any TV, they get mesmerized by it, and essentially can do nothing else but watch the screen-- even if it's crap-- so the question is: if we do this again, can I ask the lady not to turn the TV on?
1/1/2008
My sentence per day completion rate is now one hundred percent for 2008, as compared to a pitiful 10.4 percent for 2007-- I'm also one hundred percent in 2008 for not losing my temper at the kids . . . as compared to a pitiful 6 percent in 2007.
Scary and Thrifty
Yesterday, Alex told me that he's practicing scary faces so that next Halloween he won't need to wear a mask.
Three Out of Four Would Be Good
Time to start thinking about some New Year's Resolutions for 2008-- I really want to feast more often on the blood of the innocents, make it a habit to exact vengeance on those that cross me, sample those exotic fruits and vegetables that I have not yet tried, and learn to ballroom dance.
Old Carpets Defeat Giant Shark!
Although I thought my son Alex would say that the best thing in the Metropolitan Museum of Art was The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living (a giant shark floating in formaldehyde-- some kind of weird installation art) he actually chose "those carpets" as his favorite exhibit, which made me very happy, since that's what I was there to see: these baroque tapestries, which are leaving in a few days, contain images of sea monsters, mythical creatures, battling knights on horseback, lions being stabbed, and depictions of Jesus, Mary, and Neptune, all rendered in precise detail on twenty foot high, hand-weaved masterpieces (one took seven years to make).
Dave Aims High and Falls Short
I'm trying to learn "Dueling Banjos" from the movie Deliverance on my banjo, but parts of it are way too hard for me, and this is depressing since all I want to do is sound as good as an inbred retard.
Whatever Stroke Floats Your Boat
We met a golden retriever today that survived hurricane Katrina-- he must have done a mean dog paddle.
The Gift That Keeps Jiggling
Santa Claus brought me four pounds of belly fat-- how much fat did he bring you? . . . and where did he hide it?
Child's Unfettered Imagination Causes Problem
After my son Alex asked for another impossible Christmas gift-- a radio-controlled flying skull-- my wife said: "This is why we need to let him watch some TV, so he can see some commercials and know about some real toys we can actually buy."
R.I.P. Ed
Ed Otken: gentle giant, childhood friend, the only farmer I have ever known, the only farmer ever to employ me, and the only person I have ever voted for (years ago he ran for Town Council; I think he lost) died on Wednesday (I was thinking of voting in this coming presidential election but now, in honor of Ed-- and my laziness-- I'll never vote for anything again).
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