Dave Has Three Different Thoughts in Less Than a Second

I've been going to the gym often to ride the bike and use the elliptical machine because I just got a cortisone shot in my knee, and I'm trying to do low-impact exercise—yesterday, when I started pedaling, I looked over to my right and had three thoughts in quick succession:

1) there's a leak in the ceiling!

then I noticed the guy on the elliptical, striding above this puddle: he was a skinny youngish guy, wearing a ski hat and a long-sleeved shirt . . . and this was his SWEAT . . . and I felt kind of lame, as I was pedaling rather slowly, while I contemplated the Midi crossword—so my second thought was:

2) I really need to work out harder . . .

but then I came to my senses, and my brain issued a final judgment on this situation:

3) this guy needs to take it outside . . . this is disgusting.

It's Never Ugly in Princeton (Even When the Air Quality is Awful)

Yesterday, we took the train from what has to be one of the filthiest, smelliest, most dilapidated train stations in New Jersey: New Brunswick . . . the passages between tracks are often closed, the station houses a number of drug-addled street folk, and there's the ever-present smell of urine and feces; the dark warren of grubby shops is rather pathetic, there's a gross Dunkin' and a little flower and plant store (which our friend owns and runs; she finally had to call the cops because there's so much drug dealing and drug use right in front of her shop) and the railing all the way up the stairs to the southbound track is rusted, jagged, and coming out of the concrete—and New Brunswick Station is even more of an eyesore now that the multi-billion dollar HELIX (Health and Life Science Exchange) complex is nearly finished, as it's located directly across the street—but if you take a 17 minute train ride south, to Princeton Junction and then ride the two-car "Dinky" train for five minutes (2.7 miles) into Princeton proper—as we did yesterday—then it's like you've left New Jersey and gone to to a different country . . . the train station is beautiful and immaculate; you walk up a set of modernist stairs and past an enormous outdoor sculpture installation featuring 12 massive bronze animal heads that represent the signs of the Chinese zodiac-- and then we stopped at one of the best small plate and fancy drink places in the universe:The Dinky Bar and Kitchen-- which is in the old train restored station . . . we had espresso martinis and bao buns-- and then we wandered through the Gothic stone buildings on campus (some of which are hundreds of years old) and we then wandered over to the Princeton University Art Museum-- which is a Manhattan quality museum plopped down right in the middle of campus, and totally free-- and we saw the recent new exhibit, the mesmerizing and layered abstract canvases of Willem de Kooning-- plus loads of other stuff (which only represents five percent of the museum's holdings) and then I got some expensive sorbet at The Bent Spoon while my wife went to the consignment shop and then we met a bunch of friends at Triumph Brewery to listen to jazz and drink great beer in what might be the nicest bar in New Jersey (it took seven years to renovate the old post Office in Palmer Square into this space) and then we were lucky enough to catch a ride home-- Cat and I are the only people that regularly take the train to Princeton, I'm not sure why-- but everyone else drove-- and the next thing we knew, we were in South Brunswick, the North Brunswick, the New Brunswick, then Highland Park . . . and all that Laura Ashley preppy style was long gone and we were back in the Jerzee we all love and know.

It Is STILL Ugly Out There!

Despite the sunshine, the air quality in Central Jersey is WORSE than yesterday—due to the Canadian wildfires . . . fucking Canadians, smoking their cigarettes, lighting their fireworks and leaving campfires unattended . . . there's also plenty of dry vegetation due to global warming, so lightning strikes are also culpable, but it's more fun to blame actual Canadians rather than static electricity—but my wife and children did not believe my air quality report—my wife played pickleball this morning, outside (with a stye in her eye, probably caused by all the smog and smoke) and my son was going to play basketball outdoors, until I persuaded him not to . . . but hopefully tomorrow's rain clears the air (and we just cleared our gutters, so we are prepared) and I have never been rooting so hard for a rainy day.

It's Ugly Out There!

While I know I should be appreciative of the fact that I am alive and healthy and the little things are the big things and good friends and family and meat on the table and all that bullshit, I'd instead like to take a moment and point out some of the ugliness I ran into today:

1) while driving my dog to the vet so they could collect a clean urine sample, I saw the world's dirtiest unicorn, hanging from the back of a trailer—it was so ugly I snapped a photo of it;

2) the photo of the world's dirtiest unicorn looks even filthier and grittier because the air in New Jersey today is quite ugly and smoggyy (due to Canadian wildfires)

3) while I was at the vet, waiting to pay for Lola's urine analysis, I heard some ugly, mournful wailing behind a door, which I surmised was a woman who just put her dog down . . . brutal to hear this, haunting—and made me remember this awful day;

4) and finally, an ugly ray of hope: I purchased something that looks ugly and has an ugly moniker, but despite the ugliness, achieves its purpose: the poetically named "Bike Trailer Hitch for Wagon Camping Rolling Cart Collapsible Wagon with 360° Swivel Joint & Shock Absorber, Quick-Release Clamps for Folding Wagons, Pet Carts & Garden Trailers" was an impulse Amazon purchase, a contraption I hoped would make hauling our beach wagon the five blocks to the beach quick and easy, and I hooked the thing up to my bike and our wagon today, and it works! 

Tacos Todo Los Días . . . Fifteen Years Later and Still Delicious

We had Mexican fare for Alex's graduation party, and there was TONS of extra food, so I've eaten various tacos-- al pastor, barbacoa, ground turkey, blackened chicken-- with the leftover rice and beans for every meal since then; so a few tacos on Saturday and then six tacos a day since then-- 24 tacos or so?-- but, alas, it's finally over . . . Alex finally finished the last bit of turkey taco meat for lunch today, so I'm finally going to eat something different-- and it's hard to believe it's been fifteen years since my infamous Taco Count! . . . I feel like the internet has fueled much grosser kinds of eating since then, mukbang videos and competitive eating contests and ASMR chewing . . . 200 tacos in one year seems like something from more innocent times.

Reading, Icing, Rinsing, Repeating . . .

I am still laid up and moving slowly today-- waiting for the cortisone shot to work its anti-inflammatory magic on my left knee-- I went for some x-rays this morning to make sure it isn't anything more than arthritis (and the x-rays were quite taxing, I had to lie on a cold metal bed and twist my leg this way and that way-- then the machine got finicky and they had to take a few shots over again, then I had to sit-up, holding the digital sensor board behind my knee, and freeze in that pose) and I've recently finished two novels, quite opposte in tone: The Keeper by Tana French, the third in the Ardnakelty trilogy, is dark and claustrophobic and insular, a Chicago cop retires to what seems to be an idyllic pastoral Irish village but then he learns that the town and its inhabitants have been entangled with the land and each other for centuries and you shouldd not mess with the locals . . . and by the third book, Cal Hooper has nearly become a local and he really gets involved in the town, a mysterious suicide, a woman, a once feral child, and the baroque relationships, hiearchies, and gossip mill that fuel much animosity and loyalty-- it's the usual Tana French, masterful, brooding, smart, and evocative . . . and then for something completely different, I read Volume 1 of The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion by Beth Brower, which can only be described as witty, delightful, and faux-Victorian-- it's mildly historical fiction (with lots of Shakespeare references) from the point-of-view of Emma Lion, once an upper-middle-class Victorian woman, but now thrown into difficult financial straits by her annoying fop of a cousin Archibald, who has spent much of her inheritance before she could manage it . . . it seems Emma will have to navigate all sorts of social and fiscal quandaries in her london milieu, but she'll do it with verve and aplomb and plenty of witty repartee and banter-- I'll certainly read a few more of these to take my mind off my knee.

Dave's Not a Doctor . . . and He Could Never Play One on TV

I survived my visit to the sports doctor (Dr. Navia) and my prediction was half correct: after some poking, probing, and prodding, she decided to give me a cortisone shot but said there was NOT enough fluid to warrant draining the knee (hooray!) and I'm getting some x-rays tomorrow and going for a follow-up in September, to see if I need the hyaluronic acid shots—but for now, I need to ice and rest, and hopefully the cortisone will do the trick (and I could never play a doctor on TV because I couldn't even look at the tray with the needles on it, let alone the actual needle going into my knee—this is why I don't watch The Pitt . . and I was already stressed out by the time Dr. Nadia got to me because I was reading the end of the excellent new Tana French novel, The Keeper—book three in the Ardnakelty trilogy—and some bad, rather visceral medical shit was going down . . . next time I go to the doctor, I'll be sure to read something lighter while I wait).

To the Left, To the Left . . . Stupid Shuffle

The good news: my right knee, after a series of hyaluronic acid shots, is feeling excellent—less popping, no pain, and better flexibility . . . but now arthritis has flared up in my left knee, which was my good knee (but is now my bad knee), and I'm headed to Dr. Navia tomorrow to see what's up . . . I'm guessing it will need to be drained, and she'll give me a cortisone shot—I've never gotten one in my left knee, and the first time I got a cortisone shot in my right knee, it didn't hurt for a year—but one of the main things to remember when you're reading this blog is that I AM NOT A DOCTOR . . . I'm constantly telling my wife, my students, and my children this fact . . . I am quick to give medical advice, and I certainly know how to Google various symptoms and ailments, but this is (probably) not a credible alternative to a medical degree, and so I will report back tomorrow and judge the accuracy of my diagnosis.

No More Tuition Payments!

I was helping my wife with so much party prep—for Alex's graduation party—that I forgot to write a sentence . . . the party was a great success; we had an obscene amount of food; the weather held up; for the first time in a long time, ping-pong was played int he driveway; my British friend Ashley nearly had an aneurysm during the England/Norway World Cup match (and I kept my rooting for Norway to a minimum so as not to upset him . . . but I was hoping that my ten dollar bet on Norway to win it all would pay out . . . no such luck) and the kids helped with the set-up and clean-up, so our house is back to normal now, sort of (we have a lot of leftover Mexican food, and we have to return a bunch of chairs and tables to friends).

Alas Poor Yorick, Alas Poor Ophelia, Alas . . . Alexander the Great is Stopping a Bunghole?

 

I truly and sincerely believed I was going to complete my podcast series about Hamlet with this episode, but this play, which has a mind of its own, was not having it—there's just so much to cover in scene 5.1—and so, like the play itself, my podcast will not end; it is stuck in a loop of indecision and deliberation and contemplation . . . but next episode, I promise, things will be resolved (and it's going to be tragic . . . but also I will also be quite relieved when everyone dies).

Two Things I'll Never Do Again (Because I Like Jazzier Numbers)

Last night I saw Joe Jackson at the State Theater (my wife and a few friends are fans) and this morning I finished John Steinbeck's sprawling novel East of Eden, and while I am glad to have done both these things, I'm not revisiting either—the classic Joe Jackson songs ("Is She Really Going Out With Him?" and "Sunday Papers" and "Steppin' Out") have too many words for my taste; I'm not a huge fan of dense singer-songwriter lyricism, nor am I a fan of easy-listening punk rock—I prefer obtuse abstractions sprinkled in amongst music with syncopated timbre (e.g. The Breeders' song "Cannonball" . . . I'll be your whatever you want/The bong in this reggae song) and I have the same complaint about Steinbeck's East of Eden . . . it's a compelling (but ultimately and very consistently) tragic multi-generational saga that is just so fucking long that, while I am glad I read it, I am also very glad that I am finished—it's a bit heavy-handed with Biblical imagery and symbolism . . . but I did enjoy Joe Jackson's newer, jazzier numbers—the songs where he let his incredible band (a fantastic drummer and a fantastic percussionist!) step out and really play and he interspersed some of his trademark lyrics here and there, and I also like John Steinbeck's looser, jazzier books: Cannery Row, which is more a sequence of entertaining and fragmented vignettes and anecdotes of the colorful characters that work at the labs and processing plants and sardine factories in Monterey, California—or Travels with Charley, a non-fiction travelogue wherein Steinbeck drives ten thousand miles with his pet poodle in a modified GMC pick-up camper (named Rocinante) and so the moral here is sometimes it's nice when artists leave things out and let the theme emerge (or not) instead of beating you over the head with it for 640 pages.

Doing Things Right is Exhausting . . .

 

I installed three strands of string lights in my backyard today—my old string lights frayed and fell apart, most likely because I didn't install them properly: I haphazardly draped them and twisted them and nailed them and screwed them and stapled them to whatever surface was available—but this time I bought the highly rated, heavy-duty Feit LED string lights from Costco (quite affordable if you buy three 48-foot strands) and I installed them by the book, with C-cup hook screws—which was tedious and tiring (and my right forearm was a bit sore at pickleball, from all the screwing) but I think these lights will last longer than the last batch (and, once I got done, I went batshit crazy and ordered three more strands, and I'm going to install a guide wire across the back of my yard, from tree to tree, and light up a long stretch high in the leafy canopy . . . why? because the internet told me to . . . and this should be good for late night cornhole).

MTV Cribs: Gecko Edition

My son Ian just upgraded his lizard tank, and it looks great—honestly, I'm amazed that the little guy is still alive . . . Bossk is at least nine years old, and he seems to be in good health (although, full disclosure, I am not a herpetologist, so how the fuck would I know?) and with proper care, Google says that a crested gecko can live fifteen to twenty years—so plenty of time for him to enjoy his new digs.

Minor Epiphanies . . . Major Stupidity?

A few minor thoughts that sprang into my head of late . . . half-baked, mishappen, and of no significance whatsoever:

1) I was in the gym locker room, struggling through the hardest part of my workout—changing from my workout clothes into a bathing suit and organizing all the gear—the goggles and earplugs and suit and towel and sandals, taking off my socks (always a struggle) and figuring out where to put everything while I changed, and then I realized a simple solution to one of the things . . . instead of placing my open lock down amidst all the other junk, where I tend to lose it, I could just hang it on the hasp of another locker—one that I wasn't using, and then pull it off and snap it shut on my locker once I was done changing . . . it's a game changer! and it only took thirty-five years for me to figure out this method;

2) lately I've noticed a lot of fat people (of all ages) riding electric bikes in Donaldson Park . . . and while part of me is thinking "maybe you should pedal a bit," there's another part of me that realizes these things are a game changer for people who couldn't (or wouldn't) have the power and stamina to propel themselves on a traditional bike, so (pun intended) more power to them;

3) this morning at 4:39 AM, when the dog's coughing fit awoke me, I realized that I had never thought about exactly how the TV Guide worked . . . the guide knew, IN ADVANCE, all the shows that would be on for the coming week—for all the various localities in the United States . . . I always took this for granted, but apparently the country was divided up into 100 regions, and these regions had to constantly communicate with TV Guide . . . by phone, fax, and mail—to make those schedules accurate . . . it kind of miraculous, and I really never thought about it . . . and this minor epiphany is going to lead to some major thoughts about the modern world . . . I grew up in a time when a little magazine knew in advance all there was to watch—for the most part—but now, no one knows what's out there because there are billions of hours of content and no guidebook, no way to navigate it all, aside from opaque algorithms and people you trust . . . anyway, feel free to take any of these ideas and run with them, I'm going to play pickleball (I had a minor epiphany about my backhand grip at the kitchen the other day-- knuckles first, knuckles first).

The Bubble Man

I love the comedy stylings of Roy Wood Jr.-- Black History Museum Tour Guide and Leonardo DiCaprio is an Underrated White Ally are great bits . . . and his new album "Lonely Flowers" is a special one; it's a little more universal and profound than your typical comedy album; it's about human connection and friendship, and in the final bit—"The Bubble Man"—it's about love . . . check it out, it's fantastic: I couldn't find a video of the entire story so this is just audio— and it might get a little dusty by the end.

Eat at Joe's

There's nothing better than playing some indoor pickleball (and crushing all opponents) and then, when you get home-- hangry and tired, before you assemble some kind of primitive lunch, the kind of shitty lunch you make while shoving other random food in your mouth while making it, your wife calls you and says she bought a sandwich to split from a highly recommended place up the road in South Boundbrook called Joe's Meat Market . . . so I sat on the couch (and ate an ice pop) and waited patiently until she got home and it was worth the wait: it was the best breaded chicken cutlet, mozzarella, roasted red pepper sub I've ever had, and I can't wait to try their other food.

The Heat Was Hot, The Power Was Not

Last night, I was enjoying our A/C, watching the Argentina vs. Cabo Verde World Cup battle, when—suddenly—the sky turned black, and the winds kicked up, and we heard a loud crash on our front porch—like a car hit our house—and this was the result of the wind lifting a very heavy, very solid metal chair, bashing it against our aluminum siding, and then yanking the chair down the front porch steps . . . soon after that, our block lost power—there were trees down all over town, and one had pulled down a wire on Second Ave, up the block from our house—and a transformer on the North Side (Walter Ave) exploded . . . I watched the end of the game on someone's phone at my neighbor's house while firetrucks and police blocked off streets and assessed the damage; the scary thing was that without A/C our house got hot fast, even though it was raining and the sun was down, but the humidity works fast—and it made me realize just how attached and dependent we are to the power grid (and this morning I started Googling the most temperate places in the U.S.—places where you need the least heating and cooling . . . unfortunately, many of them are in California, and I'm not moving that far away, but it seems the Blue Ridge Mountains are a closer alternative) but PSE&G was on the ball last night, and we had consistent power by 11 PM—so we didn't lose any food in our refrigerator, and we were able to get a good night's sleep.

DSW? I Thought We Were Going to Lunch!

My wife and I found ourselves in Woodbridge today-- we were driving Ian's girlfriend home-- and so we decided to grab some lunch out of our normal vicinity: first we tried the highly rated Siwa Thai, but when we walked in, we noticed their AC wasn't working so after sitting for ten seconds, we did an about face and then headed to Blue Habanero in nearby Perth Amboy-- also highly rated AND recommended by Ian's girlfriend-- and while the food was great and the portions were huge, they also barely had any AC (but by this time we were hungry and simply sweated it out) and during lunch my wife sprung this idea upon me: let's go up the road a bit to DSW . . . I need sneakers and I was like, "I wish you told me this because I also need running shoes but I'm not wearing socks," and she was like, "I don't have socks either, we could buy some" and I really did not want to take this detour to the Designer Shoe Warehouse-- it was so fucking hot out and I hate putting socks on when my feet are sweating, and it would that much worse to put them on in public, in a DSW-- but then I remembered that we had boxed up quite a bit of our lunch and I was like: "we can't leave the food in the car, it's 102 degrees" and that was enough justification NOT to go to DSW.

It's Very Hot and Dry, So-- in the Name of Liberty-- Let's Shoot Off Some Very Loud Incendiary Devices

It's really fucking hot out, like actually hotter than the kind of heat that I normally complain about, but our neighbors are still having their annual July 4th BBQ-- on July 2nd, to coincide with the town fireworks, and our town is still shooting off their annual July 4th Fireworks (on July 2nd?) so at some point I'm going to brave this heat and drink a beer and play some cornhole-- and though it is an inferno outside, it's fairly pleasant in our house-- probably due to the awesome ceiling fan that I REINSTALLED today (with the help of my lovely wife) so that the connection plate is now perfectly flush with the ceiling, eliminating the slight wobble which I noticed yesterday (and remedied with two folded up piece of paper-- practical but not particularly classy) and I also tightened the fail-safe wire loop so that even if the screws fail, the fan housing will not crash down on anyone's head (unless you're like six foot five, sorry Whit).

Big Day, Already (Dave Finishes a Book, Installs a Ceiling Fan, and Prepares to Be a Soccer Fan)

 

I woke up early this morning and finished a massive tome (900-plus pages) I've been reading for two years: Reaganland: America's Right Turn (1976-1980) . . . this is the final installment in historian Rick Perlstein's series on the rise of the American conservative movement and while the books are exhaustive (and exhausting) they do remind you that there's nothing new under the sun— the playbook was the same: savvy conservative politicians harnessed anxieties about women and race and sexuality and crime and the lack of Christianity and family values in America . . . and the same tropes: scandals such as Hunter Biden and Billy Carter; optimism (make America great again!) instead of tightening your belt (and wearing a sweater) and absurdities—Carter's killer rabbit!-- and pretty much everything Reagan said about pollution (trees cause more pollution than automobiles?) and nuclear weapons (nuclear proliferation is none of our business? all the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk?) but despite Reagan's lack of policy and factual knowledge, Carter was no match for "the Teflon President," who could really deliver a speech and galvanize the corporate elites, the Southern whites, the evangelical Christians, and generally disaffected voters who were sick of inflation, high gas prices, the hostage crisis, and how the counterculture movement was bleeding into the suburbs . . . and not only did I finish that epic history, but I also finished the third Thursday Murder Club  Mystery (The Bullet That Missed) and I successfully installed a ceiling fan—alone! -- which is a crazy procedure; for a decent amount of time the fan housing and blades were hanging from a thin metal cable while I connected all the electrical wires and the remote receiver . . . but, unlike my plumbing debacle, the fan and the light now work like a charm (and neither leaks water) and really, my day has just started . . . now I'm off to play pickleball, then I'm going to acupuncture, and then we're headed out to watch the USA play Bosnia AND Herzegovina—it seems ridiculous that they have to play two countries at the same time.

Not That Strong a Swimmer

I just did some laps in the pool at the YMCA, and while I wouldn't call myself a strong swimmer, I'm certainly a smooth swimmer—but I certainly don't push myself to the limit; meanwhile, the dude in the lane next to me was the worst swimmer I have ever seen swimming laps in the big pool: he moved through the water like a broken blender, generating an incredible succession of splashes and froth . . . frankly, I don't know how he kept his body above water, his legs were dangling, dragging, and fairly useless (he was definitely not swimming downhill) and his arms flailed with violence and consistentency that would have worn a lesser man out . . . so while his swimming was slow, intolerable, and annoying, he WAS getting an incredible workout trying not to drown.