Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Carbs = Appreciation
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In an effort to finally feel appreciated, I ate half a bagel in the office this morning-- apparently, the administration bought us a bagel b...
Dave's Lunchtime Planning Bites Him in the Ass
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This year, I epically failed at Teacher Appreciation Week: Tuesday the administration bought us sandwiches but I never saw the sign-up email...
5 comments:
Every Clout Has a Silver Lining
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Wild day at East Brunswick High School -- but though it was ugly, some good did come out of it-- so during homeroom, there were some serious...
6 comments:
Nietzsche's Eternal Recleaning
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You do the dishes-- load the dishwasher, run it, wash the cutting boards, scrub the pots and pans but then-- magically and moments later-- t...
3 comments:
6 Servings Per Container? Bullshit . . .
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My wife really needs to stop buying Pringles-- because once I remove that foil safety seal, there's no stopping the gluttony until the c...
2 comments:
Fun and Easy Prom Themes
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This week, the juniors are voting on next year's prom theme and I'm going to buttonhole the junior class president and spitball some...
5 comments:
Chores are a Bore
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Too many chores for a Saturday: pool clean up day-- which involves raking leaves, sticks, and horse chestnuts; dumping all the debris in the...
Like Shawshank But Reverse
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Over the years, I have pilfered a number of large stones from the park by my house to outline my wife's garden and our back fence and m...
3 comments:
Students and Cellphones, Together Forever?
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For the first time in years, I had to confiscate a particular student's cellphone-- I've been trying to be diligent about getting th...
3 comments:
Dave Knows His Audience
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Yesterday, several players and I were sitting on the bench watching the last tennis match of the afternoon, and one of the players was lamen...
2 comments:
I'm Mister Snow Miser
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My buddy Whitney responded to yesterday's sentence with an interesting question: "If you could get rid of either the wicked humid h...
Summer Is Coming
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The jury is out about how much the human mind remembers pain, but I know for certain that every winter, I forget how much I hate the heat . ...
4 comments:
What Is It Like to Be a Dog?
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On this very special episode of We Defy Augury , I interview my good friend and fledgling author Rob Russell . . .we discuss his new book &q...
Slurry Time!
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No time to waste writing sentences, because I've got to mix the moss I scraped off a concrete block at the park with some yogurt and bee...
6 comments:
A Riddle Wrapped in an Enigma That is Broadcasting Tomorrow is "Tuesday" Vibes
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This week was so long and busy that it has inverted itself into an endless loop, turning my Friday energy into overwhelming Monday Mobius st...
So Many Steps, So Many Racket Sports
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Another successful GMC Tennis Tourney -- everyone advanced through the first round except Theo, who was exhausted from Passover fasting (tha...
6 comments:
The Pathetic Fallacy, Pregnancy Edition
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Today at work the ladies organized a "sprinkle" for a teacher who is very pregnant with her second child (and leaving at the end o...
3 comments:
Sometimes, You Need To Strap Them On
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Sometimes, when you're a homeowner, you need to strap on the ol' aerating shoes and march around on your lawn to make tiny holes for...
Did Jesus Tell Off-Color Jokes With His Bros? Probably Not . . .
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One of the primary and profound questions that the play Hamlet explores is the opening line: "Who's there?" and so in class to...
4 comments:
Amazon . . . When You Need 5 Pounds of White Dutch Clover Seed NOW!
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Like many environmentally conscious lawn owners, I am converting my lawn to clover . . . clover doesn't require much maintenance or wate...
7 comments:
Strange Winds: A Meditation on Contamination
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A long podcast episode deserves a long title-- and my newest episode of We Defy Augury is my longest episode yet-- so I have titled it &...
Minor Expectations (by Edmund Wells)
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Lowering the bar makes you less likely to trip over it.
4 comments:
Pickleball Rule #1
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If it's your wife, don't give any advice.
2 comments:
Dave Almost Gets to Be Smart
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I recently learned (when reading The New Analog: Listening and Reconnecting in a Digital World by Damon Krukowski) how noise-canceling head...
Dave's Calf Blooms Like a Spring Flower
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This morning I made my triumphant return to 6:30 AM before school basketball-- we only had nine so we were playing full court four-on-four a...
The Gloves Will be Off
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So exciting: my friend just published a children's book . . . even more exciting: in two days, I get to write a candid review of my fri...
3 comments:
Bring the Noise!
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I just finished an excellent book on the financial, philosophical, and aesthetic implications of our collective move from analog audio to di...
3 comments:
Backpack Vacuum!
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I love our new Hoover Shoulder Vac backpack vacuum so much that I made a little home for it in my study-- vacuuming is so much better when y...
2 comments:
All the Kids With Three Letter Names are Out Today
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Our match got canceled today due to some fortuitous wind and rain-- fortuitous because one of our players (Kai) is at Model UN and the other...
Fuzzy Wet Balls
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Rain and tennis are not a good combination-- the court gets slick, the balls get wet and skip instead of bouncing, and the ink runs in the l...
Your Butt, A Pizza, Same Difference . . .
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I don't know if everyone does this, nor do I know if it actually makes a difference-- but when I get take-out food such as pizza or burg...
3 comments:
Post-modern Medicine (YouTube It!)
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I won't go into gory detail, so as not to disconcert the more squeamish readers (like myself) but my wife and my son successfully remove...
2 comments:
Totally the Latter
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Which is more fun-- looking at the eclipse or looking at the people wearing the silly glasses used to view the eclipse?
Tomorrow, Keep the Ball Low
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Tennis practice tomorrow is during the eclipse's maximum solar obscuration . . . so we will not be practicing overheads.
3 comments:
Traction . . . So Classic
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Yesterday, when Ian's ankle was really hurting him, he wanted me to hook up a rope to the ceiling to hold his leg up-- and I knew exactl...
Prediction? Pain
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Long day for Ian-- he woke up in postoperative pain at 3 AM and it got so bad we had to go to the ER, where they drugged him up until he fin...
2 comments:
Ankle Surgery Part II
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Ian survived his rescheduled ankle surgery -- although apparently, he was in some serious pain right afterward . . . which was remedied by a...
Brian Selznick
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Two days ago our acting principal (our actual principal just retired) came to me and asked if I wanted to take my English class to meet the ...
3 comments:
Rain or Shine, the Mail Gets Delivered and the Dog Gets Walked
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Long as I remember the rain been coming down-- clouds of mystery pouring confusion on the ground- good men through the ages trying to find t...
2 comments:
I Prefer Mary Anne
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I do not like (nor am I competent at) peeling ginger.
And after the Third Week of PT, Dave's Calf Rose Again
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On this fine Easter morning, my wife and I played some pickleball to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus . . . and even more miraculously-- ...
2 comments:
You Can't Piss (or Serve) Into the Wind
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I am sorry to say, but nobody learned nothin' at yesterday's tennis practice-- aside from the fact that you can't really play t...
2 comments:
The Secret? You Should Be Hitting Lots of Overheads . . .
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Time to go teach my second singles player how to beat a "pusher"-- and not a drug pusher-- a tennis player who likes to mimic a wa...
Can Someone Drive Me to the House I Need to Paint?
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Apparently, in the US, depending on the state you live in, you might need a license to paint nails but not to paint houses.
2 comments:
Earworm Exorcism!
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I have finally finished my most ambitious audio project ever, the top secret project that I erased earlier in the week-- it is a new episod...
2 comments:
The Animals Are Wild
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Another crisp wildlife photo from yours truly (and possible good news on the alleged raccoon in the attic front . . . yesterday, I climbed ...
3 comments:
Spring Break?
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Ian and I woke up at 5:10 AM to go for his ankle surgery, but when we arrived at University Orthopedics, the building was surrounded by fire...
3 comments:
Top Secret Project Update
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I am now past where I was before I erased what I had . . . home stretch.
2 comments:
Top-Secret Project Update
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It is taking longer than I thought to get to where I was (before I erased my top-secret project off my external drive).
1 comment:
How to (Rarely) Tie a Tie
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For the rest of my life, I am only getting dressed up if someone I know gets married or dies.
6 comments:
Brief Period of Mourning Followed Renewed Motivation
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I am working on a very special episode of We Defy Augury-- top secret . . . but it involves scores and scores of clips-- and I was more tha...
Funny is Funny and That's Funny
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I passed by the new liquor store on First Avenue this morning, noticed the lovely new sign, and then my eyes focused on one particular porti...
4 comments:
Both Are Better Than Badminton
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High school tennis season has begun and I hadn't hit any balls since my son Ian got injured last summer-- it's been all pickleball s...
Just Desserts
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After a dinner party on Saturday night, my wife informed me that "dense" was not an appropriate way to describe a dessert, specifi...
3 comments:
Is This How You Spell "Sisyphean"?
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So you clean all the bathrooms in the house-- and it's brutal and gross and exhausting-- and then by the time you're done, you need ...
2 comments:
Everything, Everywhere, All at Once?
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I've listened to several interesting podcasts lately-- and I also can't help connecting them to the non-fiction texts we read in my ...
Your Child (yawn) Is Failing . . .
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I am amping myself up (with some coffee and candy) to survive the second half of my second long-ass day of this long-ass week-- in a few min...
The Road to Recovery: Don't Stop in the Middle of It
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I attended the first Physical Therapy session of my life today and it was very productive-- once I completed, by hand, that damned paperwork...
8 comments:
Dave Fights Through His Day Like Mike Tyson Will Fight Jake Paul
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I am home and I have survived the longest day of the school year: I got up early, despite Daylight Sucking Time, to work on my podcast; went...
Daylight Sucking Time
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Everything always feels topsy-turvy the first Monday after Daylight Fucking Saving Time (otherwise known as I Had a Vivid Nightmare Saturday...
Dave Loves a 6 PM Comedy Show
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My wife and I took a one night vacation to Manhattan yesterday, and despite the weather we had a great time: we took the train to Penn Stati...
Anxieties of the '90s
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If you're looking for an ambitious thriller that brings you back to the anxieties of the 1990s: hackers, secret government agencies, X F...
2 comments:
Professor G. Truck and Doctor C. Morton
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I'm proud to say that I stopped reading random articles on the web and I went to see an actual doctor today-- Kinshasa C. Morton MD, to ...
Massage the Kale! Fold in the Cheese!
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Today in Creative Writing class, we were investigating the power of carefully selected adjectives (this episode of We Defy Augury describes...
5 comments:
The Home Stretch is Uphill
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I'm almost finished grading the third College Writing essay-- but then we have to collect one more and grade it before the end of March ...
2 comments:
This Episode is More Fun Than It Sounds
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While the title of the new episode of We Defy Augury sounds a bit bleak-- "Looming Existential Dread: Robotic and Real" -- there...
6 comments:
Post-Birthday-Blues
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Yesterday's birthday-get-together at Jersey Cyclone was very fun-- a perfect way to spend a rainy afternoon: the brewery is located in a...
What Do Theodore Geisel, Dave, and Daniel Craig Have in Common?
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It's here once again, it comes without fail-- for rich and for poor, the next coffin nail . . . for Bryce Dallas Howard, for the Wu'...
4 comments:
Local Recs to Treat Yo Self
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Yesterday, in honor of my upcoming birthday, I took the day off from teaching the youth and I got a massage at Lucid in Metuchen -- they hav...
2 comments:
Irony Noted
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I was stuck at the crowded intersection of Plainfield Ave and Route 27, by the Tastee Sub and amidst the plethora of bumper stickers on the ...
9 comments:
Awkward (and Impulsive) Dave Amuses His Students
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Today during first period, while I was showing a movie clip-- so it was dark-- a young lady in a denim jacket entered my room, but just bare...
2 comments:
Creepy Parking Lot Zombie Humans
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I like to do the "pull through" in the school parking lot so that my car is facing out and I can make a quick escape at the end of...
2 comments:
Got To Be the Calf Sleeves
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I played indoor soccer for 90 minutes yesterday and then I played pickleball for two hours this evening-- and while I think I looked fairly ...
4 comments:
A Noteworthy Parking Offense?
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A few weeks ago, I noticed an egregiously parked car in our school note and left a mildly censorious Post-it note on it -- and while this mi...
4 comments:
Meta-Magical Mystery Tour
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The new episode of We Defy Augury is (loosely) based on the meta-mystery novel Magpie Murders by Anthony Horowitz . . . get ready to deco...
2 comments:
Schools Out! For the Weekend . . .
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These five-day weeks are brutal, but I just have to remember: summer is coming, summer is coming . . . and while I'm IN school I'm l...
Dave's Head is So Money
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Some folks might find the buzz of the Remington Balder Pro annoying-- but to me, the high-pitched hum of the Five Dual Track heads is the so...
2 comments:
Ahh Dickens . . .
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I forgot to bring my Kindle to school today-- so I'm not going to be able to delve deeper into the mud and fog of Bleak House during ca...
Catherine's Foot = Step On It
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My wife went to the orthopedist today so he could assess how she is healing from her foot surgery and her foot has received "the green ...
Upstream, downstream . . . Minnesota 81/Rutgers 70
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What a strange and perverse mental illness-- to look forward all day to a time when you will watch a remote event on television that will pr...
Dave Will Survive
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Another boring evening last night-- I really felt like shit, congested and glassy-eyed and all that fun stuff that happens when you have a c...
Lame Weekend (But It Could Be Worse)
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All systems: clogged and stuffy-- I've got a cold and it sucks-- I worked all week while fighting off this virus-- and my reward is a la...
Too Much Phlegm to Create a Coherent Metaphor
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Teaching with a stuffy nose is like competing in a dance recital with a piece of toilet paper stuck to your ballet slipper.
3 comments:
Earworm Obsession (Dave Does Some "Work")
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Yesterday, I worked harder than I have ever worked before (and probably after) because I got obsessed with an idea-- today, I will see if it...
1 comment:
Welcome Home, Stranger
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Every few years I end up reading a book like this one . . . a book where someone in a family that is scattered geographically dies and the ...
There's No "I" in AI
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My newest episode of We Defy Augury, "There's No "I" AI: Good Writing, Intentionality, and a Plethora of Other Shit&qu...
Dave Gets It Wrong (Again!)
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For a good portion of last night's game, I thought it would be the first time a kicker received the Super Bowl MVP-- two record-setting ...
In Thirty Years, I Should Run For President?
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Last week, I made a triumphant return to indoor soccer and I was able to play for 50 minutes before I felt a twinge in my calf--but I must c...
I Love a (fictional) Dead Body
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Magpie Murders , a meta-mystery by British author Anthony Horowitz, deconstructs the genre so cunningly that it very well might be the last ...
2 comments:
Two Pickleball Firsts
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This afternoon was unseasonably warm, so eight of us got together at Castleton Park for some excellent pickleball and I experienced two new ...
3 comments:
Mystery Solved!
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My English 12: Music and the Arts class agrees with me that the Reply All episode "The Case of the Missing Hit" is one of the mo...
Dave's Body is Haunted by Shit From 2020
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My shoulder hurts-- which hasn't been the case since 2019/2020 . . . I aggravated my shoulder trying to hit a topspin one-handed backha...
4 comments:
The Bell Tolls for Show and Tell
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I'm doing something new in Creative Writing class-- I used to begin class with "Show and Tell" . . . one or two kids would rea...
3 comments:
Note to (Flatulent) Self
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You should not consume "egg roll in a bowl" before you play pickleball because . . . cabbage.
Why Is That Lizard Wearing a Fur Coat?
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My wife assisted me in some body hair removal today, transforming my back and shoulders from a hairy pelt to lovely smooth skin and changing...
Let There be Light (and Screws)
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The sun finally came out today-- which made nearly everything better: dog-walking; dog-bathing; dog-drying; pickleball; and head-shaving . ....
2 comments:
Temperature Temperance
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I did a roaming coverage today during first period-- so that various teachers could attend IEP meetings-- and I also stopped in a couple of ...
1 comment:
You Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First Transgression
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Yesterday was the first day of the second semester, and so I met my new class of Creative Writing students and we did all the first day of s...
3 comments:
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