Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Weekend of Dave!
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Catherine and I attended two parties over the weekend . . . Friday night was the Third Annual Scary Story Contest and Saturday night was a ...
Did Dave Defend His Title?
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There was a big crowd this year for Liz and Eric's Third Annual Scary Story Contest , and I was feeling some anxiety because I wanted to...
Hot Things and Stupid Decisions
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Last Wednesday afternoon, my son Ian walked into the small bathroom off our living room,yelled "It's so hot in here!" and then...
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The Road in the Sky
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Peter Heller's new novel The Dog Stars returns to a postapocalyptic world similar to Cormac McCarthy's The Road , but this story is ...
It's A Miracle That I Convinced SomeoneTo Marry Me
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Right now in my English class we are the "Process Analysis" unit, which is a fancy way to describe a "How To" essay -- a...
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Good Thing This Belt Wasn't a Bunny Rabbit
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My black leather belt got stuck in one of the loops of my blue jeans, which really annoyed me, and so I gave it a Lenny-esque yank and ri...
6 comments:
Little Nozzle Hides Out in My Kitchen For Three Years!
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Three years ago, we completely remodelled our kitchen, and there are still some features that I haven't utilized . . . because I hav...
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The Sandy Seven
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The "freshman fifteen" has been debunked , but I can attest that the "Sandy Seven" is real . . . I'm wearing it arou...
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A Cinematic Analogy Both Succeeds and Fails in the Same Moment
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I liked The Brothers Bloom , but I didn't love it -- it is definitely a film with more style than substance, which also describes the br...
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This Land Is Herland, This Land Is Your Land . . . and You Can Have It
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Recently, my colleagues and I have been speculating as to what the world would be like if women were in charge, and I lamented that no g...
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"How Music Works" Explains How Music Works
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David Byrne's new book How Music Works is impressive on many levels: the book itself is a work of art -- it has a black and white minim...
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A Blogging Miracle!
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Yesterday, my editor over at Gheorghe: The Blog commanded me to write something -- and I suppose he had a right to do this, since my school...
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Bonus! Dave Categorizes All Humans!
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If you're like me, then you like when people simplify things enormously . . . so head on over to Gheorghe: The Blog , where I use my inc...
There Are Job Openings in Oooguruk!
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I highly recommend Jeanne Marie Laskas' new book Hidden America: From Coal Miners to Cowboys, an Extraordinary Exploration of the Uns...
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Dave Feeds Hurricane Refugee!
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In the days after the hurricane, the lines were long at the grocery store, as most people didn't have power and could only buy a little ...
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Meet The Neighbors . . . Yikes.
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Hurricane Sandy inspired much communal sentiment in our neighborhood -- we live in a small town and so we are already friendly with the majo...
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Seven Reasons a Snow Day is Better Than a Hurricane Day
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1) You can't sled on wet leaves; 2) you can't make a rain-man (unless you're Dustin Hoffman); 3) kids are tempted to swing Tar...
Hurricane Sandy Zeugma
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Hurricane Sandy survivors in my neighborhood have decided that the best coping mechanism for a cold dark powerless house is to find someone ...
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I Hate When People Say This
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Anyone who says they like every kind of music doesn't like any kind of music.
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Blueberries grow in Maine, but where do Boo Berries grow?
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Chapter Two of Jeanne Marie Laskas' new book Hidden America: From Coal Miners to Cowboys, an Extraordinary Exploration of the Unseen...
F*&king Failure and F*%king Triumph
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I was very angry Saturday morning -- I tried to do some music recording, but my MIDI keyboard was creating some kind of massive feedback loo...
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Hurricane Update!
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My parents have power in North Brunswick, but it is still dark in Highland Park.
Ask a Stupid Question, Get a Stupid Answer
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You'd think the question "What color is the inside of a coal mine?" wouldn't need asking, but -- according to Jeanne Ma...
Dave Resolves His New Year's Resolution!
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Until last Thursday night, I was performing quite poorly on my quest to "Care More About Canada," but then, in an amazing turn of...
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To Pep Or Not To Pep?
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Last Friday was the Fall Pep Rally, and the football coach was the MC and he was amped -- he wore a school football uniform, with half his f...
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Of Urine and Tupperware
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We had to bring the boys to the doctor for a well-visit and flu shots, and the office requested urine samples, and so we dutifully had the b...
4 comments:
Dog Anti-Humor
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If I were more inclined to juvenile humor, I would call the act of walking our dog in the morning and picking up his excrement "Dog Dut...
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Like Father, Like Dog?
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Dear Abby . . . I have no genetic stake in my dog Sirius, nor did I have anything to do with his breeding -- we adopted him -- yet I take ...
4 comments:
Use Your Illusions
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I wanted to make a good impression during parent/ teacher conferences, so I cleaned my desk -- but I deliberately left my Merchant of Ve...
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Awkward Dave is on an Awkward Roll . . .
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Terry, Mike and I were having a literary discussion in the English office about The Catcher in the Rye , and I said that one of the lessons ...
5 comments:
Dave Is Awkward on a Bus!
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Back by popular demand, the recurring feature you never thought would recur again , has, of course, recurred again . . . it's time ...
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What Do Francis Ford Coppola, My Dog and I Have In Common?
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I love the smell of dog poop in the morning . . . and I'm pretty sure my dog loves the smell of dog poop any time at all; my dog and ...
7 comments:
Uncertainty About Uncertainty
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The lesson I took away from Nate Silver's excellent book The Signal and the Noise is one that Donald Rumsfeld pointed out during the wa...
If an Alien Watched the Debate (an alien from space, not an illegal alien)
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If an alien from space watched Tuesday night's presidential debate, she would think we live in a dictatorship, and not a government like...
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Hooray! Hooray For Me! Now Please Kill Me.
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I'm getting better and better at parking my mini-van.
You Can Get Away With Bad Acting in the Dark
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At work recently, we have been speculating on an alternate reality . . . a world where females are not only in power . . . unequivocally in ...
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Fishing For Anything
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Last week at the dentist , I had to endure a full ninety minutes of drilling, pinching, poking, clamping, and lip-stretching, plus an additi...
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Motivation?
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Sometimes it's hard to get up early on a Saturday morning and go to the gym -- but when you walk into the locker-room and smell that pun...
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Something Gained . . . and Something Lost
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The New York Times ran an article last March about the "new model" for soccer in the United States , and as a coach I have been s...
Some Forecasts Are All Wet
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Nate Silver's new book The Signal and the Noise: why so many predictions fail -- but some don't details his methods of assessing...
2 comments:
My Son Alex Is So Skinny! How Skinny Is He?
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Alex is so skinny that he when he wears skinny jeans, he looks like MC Hammer.
Sometimes You Have To Acknowledge What Is
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I was moving towards the register at the Wawa when an absolutely stacked, off the pages of a magazine, Playboy Playmate quality woman -- the...
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iPod Touch Justice
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Last weekend, when my wife was preparing an overnight bag for my children (because they were slated to sleep over my parent's house) she...
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Sensitive Student Saves Teacher's Job
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Last week, I was moved from my classroom for several days because of make-up HSPA testing -- and so when I informed my classes of the change...
3 comments:
A Cheap Canine Treat (Unless You Consider the Cost of Running the Refrigerator and the Massive Time, Energy, Research and Money Invested in the Development of Refrigeration Technology and the Environmental Impact of Releasing Clorofluorocarbons into the Atmosphere)
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Our dog likes to eat ice cubes.
No Sex or Drugs, and Not Even That Much Rock'n'Roll
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If you're looking for something similar to Hammer of the Gods, then do NOT read David Byrne's new book How Music Works . . . the...
Meta-Debate
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I missed the presidential debate last Wednesday -- The Walking Dead trumps politics . . . and remember, there won't be any politics ...
New Jersey Is Not San Diego
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Every summer, I make grand plans for our back deck; I envision installing a retractable awning, or screening it and adding a roof, or even s...
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PAH!
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As of now, I am still the sole member of PAH! (Parents Against Halloween!) but please take a moment and reflect: are we really going to do t...
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Sometimes You Need To Let Your Head Breathe
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I don't have a problem with wearing a visor, and you shouldn't either.
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Exotic and Spicy Mystery Story
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Last weekend, we got Indian food delivered from Delhi Garden, which is usually very accurate and reliable with to-go orders and delivery . ....
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At Least There's a Name For It
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I was going to look up the weather on the internet -- to prepare for my son's soccer game -- but, as usual, I forgot where I had planned...
Tracy Morgan Is NOT Tracy Jordan (Or Is He?)
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The actual comedy of Tracy Morgan has very little to do with the endearingly bumbling sack of non sequiturs that 30 Rock calls Tracy Jordan...
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Stop Reading This And Go To Bed!
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Here are some of the things I learned while reading David K. Randall's book Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep . ...
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Sweet Dreams Are Probably Not Made Of This
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Last Wednesday night, when I checked on my children to make sure they were tucked into bed, doing some reading before lights out, I found my...
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That Look . . . You Know, That Look . . .
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I am sure all of you are familiar with the sensation of getting "that look" from someone who passes you by in the hallway at work ...
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The First Rule About Fight Club Is You Do NOT Blog About Fight Club
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Read any article about how to write a successful blog and the first tip will be something like this: STAY ON TOPIC or CHOOSE A UNIQUE TOPIC...
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You Never Know How Big A House Is From The Outside
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After my son Ian surprised me with his ability to read a rather difficult book out loud, he explained, "My head is little, but my brain...
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Horror and Meta-Horror All Wrapped Into One Movie
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The Cabin in the Woods is the horror movie you've seen a million times before, except that it's not . . . so don't be fooled...
3 comments:
Anticlimactic Clinking
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My wife was in a "I'm-going-to-get-a-lot-of-shit-done" mood over the four day Rosh Hashanah weekend . . . and in the midst of ...
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How To Not Read George R.R. Martin
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So I am still on extended leave from the new George R.R. Martin book, A Dance With Dragons-- I am three hundred pages in but I keep picki...
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Dreamy Coincidence
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I was up early reading Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep, and I was reading the chapter entitled "Sleep On It,"...
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Possum Week
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I was walking my dog early in the morning-- before sunrise-- and it was foggy, moonless, and still; suddenly he lunged at a gray cat on t...
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Immobile Dave Is Useless
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Over the four day weekend, I was laid up because of a pulled quadricep muscle, and this gave me time to reflect on my life . . . and I reali...
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Dave Pays For His Stupidity
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So after spending eighteen hours last weekend at a travel soccer tournament, and then coaching five days of eighth grade boys try-outs, two ...
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Coach Dave Executes the Best Play of the Day
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Though my U-8 travel soccer team took a beating at the hands of a deeper, more experienced Bloomfield soccer squad on Saturday, there was on...
18 comments:
Evite Etiquette
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Dear Abby . . . when you reply to a party invitation on Evite, shouldn't you make a clever comment? -- for instance, if someone goes thr...
18 comments:
Loathsome Logic
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My seven year old son Ian-- who should be old enough to know better-- picked up a whistle he found on the ground at last weekend's socce...
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The Purpose of Old Friends
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When you're selectively remembering how excellent your musical tastes were back in high school and college-- how you listened to The Cla...
6 comments:
Karen Thompson Walker Uses The Word "Miracle" In a Different Manner Than I Use The Word "Miracle"
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Karen Thompson Walker's new novel The Age of Miracles portrays an unusually delicate and precise apocalypse, and her narrator is eq...
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Get It Straight
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I'm not bald, I am balding-- it is true that I don't have as much hair on my head as I used to have, but I still have some hair . . ...
5 comments:
My Miracle Is More Miraculous Than Your Miracle
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At our first department meeting, Liz told a story about a "miracle" where she was stranded at an airport with her baby, and she wa...
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New To Me . . .
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My friend Rachel told me that her property was " a skosh less than half and acre" and I said, "A what?" but apparently a...
Some Life Decisions Are Easy to Make
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I couldn't decide if I wanted one fried egg or two fried eggs for breakfast, but when I opened the carton . . . there was only one egg l...
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I Am a Good Person (But It's a Struggle)
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So in the interest of being a good person, I decided to clean up my classroom a bit before the start of this year-- I took a number of Ameri...
3 comments:
A Canine Analogy
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Peeing on public property is a dog's version of graffiti . . . but, of course, dog's are working in the realm of the olfactory inste...
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For George R.R. Martin Fans Only
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Tysha is Tyrion's Rosebud.
Breakfast Food Woes
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I'm not sure which task is more difficult . . . peeling a boiled egg or breaking apart an English muffin .
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Does This Count As Fair Use?
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For the first time in my life, I used our granite mortar and pestle (it is quite heavy, and so I balanced it on top of our panini maker ...
4 comments:
Not For Those With Two Weeks of Vacation Time
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All you folks with full time jobs probably don't want to hear this, nor will you believe it, but nothing is worse than the end-of-the-su...
3 comments:
Wrestling for a Greased Watermelon is Laborious
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Last year on Labor Day weekend, I learned that "wrestling for a greased watermelon with buff lifeguards" is not the theme of an a...
Unpacking VERY Slowly (A Follow Up To Yesterday's Stupid Question)
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After a vacation, instead of unpacking one's luggage, is it acceptable to leave the piece of luggage on the bedroom floor and simply tak...
Probably Not As Long As I Left It Up There
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How many days after you return from vacation are you allowed to leave the big sack full of beach stuff attached to the roof of the car?
Breaking Meta-News!
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The New York Times claims that 1/3 of all "consumer" reviews of books and other products found on the Internet are fabricated, whe...
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Glad That's Over With
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I finished the fourth George R.R. Martin book in his epic A Song of Ice and Fire series, and all I can say about A Feast For Crows is t...
2 comments:
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