Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
My Son Thinks He Is A Hedgehog
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It's impossible to remember what it's like to be a kid . . . your body lives in a world of a different scale and your brain, though...
Wisdom About Carrying Groceries
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As I've gotten older, I have learned that it is usually best to take two trips.
2 comments:
Like Caddyshack, Except With Children
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Parents: you might not have time to read this really long, excellent article on raising kids ( All Joy and No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parent...
13 comments:
Ring the Bells, Ring the Bells . . .
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Let is be known that on the eleventh day of the twelfth month of the eleventh year of the Third Millenium Anno Domini ( that's right, ...
3 comments:
Natural Beauty At Hacklebarney
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Last Sunday was absolutely beautiful-- as sunny and warm as a December day could be-- and so Catherine and I took the to Hacklebarney State...
2 comments:
Poison Ivy, Jesus, and Leprosy
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I'm not a regular church-goer (or even an irregular church-goer) but in preparation for Christmas I do break out our children's Bib...
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Addendum
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Whoever said, "Age is just a number," wasn't an athlete.
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Let's Get Our National Priorities Straight
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Once again, my wife has contracted a serious case of poison ivy and I am wondering what the hell our government is doing about this stuff-- ...
6 comments:
Where's Johnny?
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Catherine's 40th Birthday Bar Crawl went wonderfully . . . and though we only crawled to three bars (Doll's Place, The Golden Rail, ...
3 comments:
Girls are Gross
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Paul Feig -- who wrote the fantastically funny memoir Superstud: Or How I Became a 24 Year Old Virgin as well as numerous other excellent T...
New Tricks For an Old Dog
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You can teach an old dog a new trick, but it's not fun to watch him learn it . . . in fact, it's downright painful, but after a t...
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Fear . . . That Wonderful Motivational Tool From the Past
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Teaching is harder now than it once was-- educators have to be engaging instead of handy with the paddle.
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Short Term Memory Problem
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I rounded the corner yesterday morning and found my son Alex attempting to shove the bathroom door open, but Ian-- while in the act of defec...
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Taco Lunch With All The Fixin's Makes Dave Happy
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Last week, with some help from my wife, I brought a complete left-over taco lunch to school, and I ate it at cafeteria duty; I think my fell...
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Happy Birthday Catherine (So Glad You're Not Barking Mad)
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My lovely, charming, beautiful and-- most importantly-- sane and logical wife turns 40 today . . . and, after watching the new Errol Morris...
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Fat Man Laughing (A Bonus Sentence For A Sad Occasion)
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Comic Patrice O'Neal died today at age 41 and I will miss him . . . but at least the memory of this altercation will be preserved forev...
A Perfect Fiction
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Though it is satire, this Onion article is so dead-on it deserves a Pulitzer (thanks Jen for passing it along . . . it certainly captures t...
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Jake Epping = Stephen King
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I finished the new Stephen King novel-- all 849 pages-- in less than a week, and while at the start I thought it was going to be about how ...
Tradition=Work
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One person's tradition is another person's chore (we always string Christmas lights around every tree on the property, it's a t...
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How To Deal With The Grandfather Paradox
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Stephen King dismisses the "grandfather paradox" and other meta-logical nonsense (such as the craziness developed in the great bu...
A Good Trade
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Last Saturday morning-- like clockwork-- the cold weather worked its black magic on the driver-side door of my Jeep , and so once again-- if...
An Ode to Thanksgiving
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There are four major reasons why Thanksgiving is the best holiday: 1) no gift-giving 2) no compulsory decorating 3) cranberry sauce 4) footb...
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Lesson Two: How To Fix Stuff
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My DVD drive was jammed shut at work on Monday, and so I tried to get it open by double clicking "eject" on the computer, but that...
Lesson One: How To Look Cool in Front of The Young Folks
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At LA Fitness, in order to procure a basketball from the front desk, you must provide some collateral-- I usually give them my keys-- but ...
5 comments:
The Second Greatest Victory In My Life
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While The Greatest Victory in my Life is the fact that I won a Cake Decorating Contest . . . because never in my wildest dreams did I ever ...
5 comments:
Fun and Self-Flagellation (This Kid Goes To 11)
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My six year old son Ian has recently taken up a new habit-- he does it when he is being chased and needs to accelerate in order to escape ...
Pimples: Then and Now
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When I was a teenager, pimples were the bane of my existence-- high school was already socially taxing enough, without having to face the d...
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Sometimes Life is Soulful and Beautiful Like a Glowing Bluebird
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During season two of Bored to Death , when Jonathan gets involved in an "open relationship" with Stella and her old boyfriend, W...
The Moon is Missing But I Can See Uranus
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My son Alex's homework Monday night was to look at the moon and then both describe and sketch what he saw, but we couldn't see the ...
5 comments:
When Push Comes To Shove
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The ostensible setting of Aravind Adiga's new novel Last Man in Tower is Mumbai, but the real setting is the ensemble cast of charact...
4 comments:
Two Things That Are Good To Know
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We returned home from Disney on Saturday to find that something was wrong with our furnace (or to be precise, I should say our boiler . . ....
5 comments:
The Two Scariest Rides at Disney (If You Are Claustrophobic)
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I went on all the rides at Disney last week, and this is a big deal for me, as even a merry-go-round can give me motion sickness, but I sur...
Krystina's Best Idea Ever
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Once in a while, regular people come up with fantastic ideas -- ideas as brilliant and world-changing as Einstein's Theory of Special Re...
Carousel of Torture
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Although I highly recommend The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World -- for the maps and the descriptions of rides, attractions, food, a...
Why? Why? Serendipitous Student Connections #4 . . . Discreet/ Discrete/ Lord of the Rings / Salad
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A student asked me how to spell "discreet" and I asked her, "Which one?" and she gave me a confused look, and so I expl...
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The Family Fang: A Meta-Book For Meta-People
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This book, like the Steve Coogan movie The Trip , probably requires two ratings; Kevin Wilson's new novel, The Family Fang , is not abo...
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Can You Even Buy Pants in Florida?
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I didn't bring any pants on our trip to Orlando-- just shorts-- despite the fact that I had space in my bag, because I thought we were ...
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The Best Ride of the Day at Disney's Hollywood Studios
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Though I rode The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, I couldn't tell you if it's the best ride in the park (because after we saw the vie...
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Serendipitous Student Connection #3 (Poison/ Needle/ Mick Jagger Knitting)
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My students have been on a roll lately-- I've been teaching for nearly twenty years, and I thought I had heard it all-- but apparently ...
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Serendipitous Student Connections #2 (Prank/ Revenge/ Merchant of Venice)
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If you're a regular reader, then you are probably acquainted with my new recurring feature ( Serendipitous Student Connections ) but don...
3 comments:
You're Getting Warmer
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Some farcical conversation with my son Alex about what the Ark of the Covenant contains in the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark : Alex : It ...
6 comments:
A Good Way To Spend All Hallow's Eve
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After several hours of trick-or-treating in the cold with my kids, I retired to my bed to read Joe Hill and Gabriel Rodriguez's graphic...
Serendipitous Student Connection #1 (Moth/ Snow/ Wife)
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Sometimes a student says something so incisive that it completely changes the direction of a class discussion, and even the tone of an enti...
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Non-stalgia
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If you haven't seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom in a while, you've probably forgotten just how annoying Kate Capshaw is-- ...
3 comments:
I Uncover the Roots of My Ennui (And Use Other Annoying Words)
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I know how obnoxious it is to complain, and I also know how obnoxious it is to use the word ennui (it's almost as obnoxious as using t...
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Halloweenies
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Just when I thought my kids were smart-- as they both received glowing academic reviews from their teachers at parent/teacher conferences--...
One Movie: Three Ratings
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I loved watching Steve Coogan's new road movie, The Trip, but it's tough for me to recommend it to anyone other than Steve Coogan ...
Music Cures The Existential Blues
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As I sit here grading papers and listening to Grant Green, I realize that my Jeep's broken car stereo-- which has not worked for severa...
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What Balls May Come?
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Some miracles bite you in the ass-- such as Moses parting the Red Sea or the Bills starting the season at 4 and 2 -- but others require a m...
5 comments:
Remembering Louie
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Morning darkness, loads of essays, plantar fasciitis , weariness from coaching soccer, and general ennui with the constant routine were get...
4 comments:
The Case of The Returned Kite
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A reverse-mystery story for your reading pleasure: two Saturdays ago, which was as blustery a day as they come, my kids and I went down to t...
9 comments:
Dave Gives His Permission For You To Proceed
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with screwing off the shaker top of a canister of rainbow jimmies and chugging a mouthful (or two).
Click-Olympics
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Stacy introduced the English department to an engaging new game Friday afternoon; here's how it works: 1) everyone needs their own com...
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Bossypants
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Tina Fey's book Bossypants is exactly like an episode of 30 Rock . . . fast-paced, full of clever jokes, and over before you know it ...
If A Tree Falls, Marshall Curry Will Get the Shot . . . And Interview Everyone Who Saw It Fall
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Once again, Marshall Curry has documented a fantastic story , covering all the angles in an even-handed and comprehensive manner in under n...
I Am A Hero (Sort Of)
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My neighbor called me the other day because her baby daughter had an engorged deer tick stuck to her head, and she wanted my help in removi...
10 comments:
Film Buff
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My wife and I were walking up the stairs, to put the kids to bed, when we heard a civilized discussion emanating from the bathroom-- and th...
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I Corrupt My Six Year Old Son
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My son Ian wants in on the Taco Count -- and though I realize this is no way to encourage healthy eating habits, I can't proscribe him ...
3 comments:
Retraction (Yogi Berra is NOT Dead)
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Yesterday, in a cascade of self-referential meta-madness, I explained that it is very difficult to consciously create an adage in the style...
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Katie vs. Yogi
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I have praised the laconic anti-wit of Yogi Berra , and I even tried to invent my own Yogi Berra-esque adage -- and I learned that it's...
7 comments:
Patience and Saliva
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I swam at lunch on Monday-- we had a workshop, so no students all day-- and on the way back to school I stopped to pick up lunch, and though...
6 comments:
Genre Definitions (Back By Popular Demand)
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One of the exciting recurring features here at Sentence of Dave is called: "Dave Defines Science Fiction," and though I'd be ...
1 comment:
Do You Understand BitCoin?
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I learned about BitCoin in a pathetically analogue way (a hard copy of the October New Yorker 's "Money Issue" ) and though I...
4 comments:
Mesomorphic
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As I grow older, my figure more and more resembles that of the late Kirby Puckett.
A Harsh Dictum
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When I mentioned that I might start wearing sleeveless t-shirts (because I'm always hot) my wife said that she would not be seen with m...
5 comments:
Please Tell Me Your Kids Do This
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Saturday, we went for ice cream after Alex's soccer game, and while we were waiting for the lady to scoop the cones, Alex, who is seven ...
If You're Angry and You Know it Clap Your Hands
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I've read a few books on the current economic crisis and watched the documentary Inside Job , and while these works explained the com...
4 comments:
A Good Rule To Know
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My son Alex told me that at school last week, he had to write a safety rule on a star shaped piece of paper, and that the teacher then put a...
4 comments:
A Joke That Doubles As An IQ Test
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Here is something fun and annoying to do to your friends: explain that you are about to tell a joke, but that the joke also doubles as test ...
4 comments:
Synco-what?
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Though I pride myself on my large vocabulary, I've had my troubles recently . . . and now I'm faced with writing the most difficult...
3 comments:
Death Be Not Proud of A Turtle
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The boys and I took a trip to Sandy Hook last Thursday, and despite the rain, poison ivy and mosquitoes, we had a good time, especially out ...
2 comments:
One Thing At A Time
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When trying to improve at a sport, it's best to focus on one skill at a time: in the heat of competition it's near impossible to rem...
Bite Me?
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Last week during first period, one of my students announced that she had successfully passed her Road Test and was now the proud owner of a ...
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A Contradiction So Bottomless That Even Dave Cannot Resolve It
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I love the television show Community and I love claymation . . . but I hate the claymation episode of Community .
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Thanks Dan
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Lately, I've been obsessed with the TV show Community . . . it's a sitcom satirizing traditional TV Tropes (and if you haven't...
2 comments:
Asymmetrical Asynchronous Control
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My parents have a pinball machine in their basement, and my Dad was impressed that my son Ian could use the flippers independently-- appar...
3 comments:
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