I Am A Hero (Sort Of)


My neighbor called me the other day because her baby daughter had an engorged deer tick stuck to her head, and she wanted my help in removing it . . . and so I briskly walked to her house, ready to offer my aid; after some sizing up of the tick we decided that she should hold Natalya's head still, and I should try to pluck the little black tick from amidst her wispy blonde locks with a pair of tweezers . . . but babies move their heads a lot, and they don't appreciate someone holding their head still, so the odds of tick removal did not look good, but I decided to take a shot at it anyway, and-- on my first attempt-- with a deft and skillful pinch, I snagged the tick and removed nary a hair from baby Natalya's head . . . and the fact that the "tick" actually turned out to be a tick-shaped piece of dried food should have no bearing on the assessment of my heroism.
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10 comments:

  1. zmanOctober 21, 2011 at 8:58 AM

    Don't use tweezers; instead slather the tuck with Vaseline on some other unctuous emollient and it will let go.

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  2. robOctober 21, 2011 at 10:34 AM

    what should you use for dried food removal, z?

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  3. SqueakyOctober 21, 2011 at 10:44 AM

    In our house use a modern convenience, a bath.

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  4. ClarenceOctober 21, 2011 at 11:15 AM

    Squeaky, it's New Jersey. They're different. They still have full-serve-only gas stations, the darts are wooden, prosciutto and manicotti are pronounced as if their final vowels really aren't there, sweatpants and duck boots are an acceptable fashion choice for public display, the f-word can be heard in church, jughandles and jersey walls are on every road, and you can keep your modern convenience baths to yourself.

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  5. zmanOctober 21, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    I typically eat any dried food I find on someone else. And by "tuck" I meant "tick".

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  6. zmanOctober 21, 2011 at 11:38 AM

    The whole "don't pronounce the final vowel in an Italian word" is an Italian thing, not a Jersey thing, but you wouldn't know that living in your enclave of WASPitude.

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  7. ClarenceOctober 21, 2011 at 11:59 AM

    Where have I met more Italians than anywhere else? Norfolk, VA? Washington, DC? Chatham, MA? High Point, NC? Sarasota, FL? New Orleans, LA? New York, NY? Venezia, Italia?

    Nope. Jersey.

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  8. ClarenceOctober 21, 2011 at 12:00 PM

    But my WASPiness, yes. Very thick.

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  9. RhinolipsOctober 21, 2011 at 5:43 PM

    She should be checked for Gryme disease.

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  10. DaveOctober 21, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    igor is the greasy wop of WASPiness.

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