A Salty Endorsement
For a good time, head to the city sort of near the sea-- South Amboy-- as one of the natives told me, "It's not just for crusty old fishermen any more."
Divide and Nap
I told Catherine that the reason I don't know how to install the car seat is the same reason that American industry is great: division of labor (she laughed at this, and continued laughing when I pointed out that I am responsible for things like learning to play the banjo, keeping abreast of current debates in science, and this blog, while she is responsible for everything else).
12/9/2007
My grandmother thought Ian (my two year old son) was asking for "meat, meat!" when actually he was saying "treat, treat!"-- so instead of a cookie, he ended up with a slice of boiled ham, which he ate.
12/08/2007
I anticipate that it's going to be a disappointing Christmas for my son Alex, because today he went to see Santa-- and he asked him for a pair of rocket shoes.
12/7/2007
Today, I taught third period (and possibly first and second) with a large dry booger in my nose.
12/6/2007
Yesterday, a female teacher refused to explain what it means to "superman" a girl-- and now that I have looked it up, I know why.
What Gives?
This morning at the gym, when the short guy finished swimming his laps and got into the hot tub, the cute blond lifeguard hopped in with him and they chatted, but when I finished swimming my laps and got into the hot tub, she didn't hop in and chat with me.
12/4/2007
Ian, my two year old son, figured out that if he fake coughs while I'm reprimanding him, it makes me laugh.
Mike Tyson Should Sleep Next to His Pet Tiger
According to the Dr. Seuss classic, "Horton Hatches the Egg," if an elephant broods over a bird's egg, then he creates a flying elephant-- therefore, based on this premise of proximity and DNA leakage, if your dog sleeps next to your pregnant wife every night, she'll produce a werewolf (technically a were-dog, but who can tell the difference?)
Nether Report
I ran ten miles in the cold this morning, and I'm very sad to report that there was some chafing.
Happy Birthday 2x
After several hours at the emergency room, Catherine received two excellent birthday gifts: Alex tested negative for bacterial infection and she learned how to spell "petechiae."
The Physics of Evaporation
Some people find it odd that after showering, I dry myself with three towels instead of one, but the fact is that three slightly damp towels dry out in a shorter time than one sopping wet towel (and I'm sure if I was less hirsute, one towel would suffice).
Boing! Bang!
Last night, at the Chinese restaurant, my brother gave my three year old son a super-ball-- which he immediately bounced into the booth next to ours, where it hit an Asian woman in the head-- and when she amiably ducked down to retrieve it, she banged her head on the underside of the table (and for some reason I apologized to her, although technically it wasn't my fault that she hit her head).
Closing Statement
My wife and I got into a debate over how much clothing our children needed to wear during the chilly but very short trek from our front porch to the car (she thought they needed a fleece, and I thought otherwise) but I cut the discussion short: I hustled the boys into the cold, yelled "You don't know anything about the laws of physics!" and then slammed the door before she could reply.
Sharks Hurt, Sharks Scar, Sharks Wound and Mark
Today, I asked my students to list and rank things that worried them: one girl found shark attacks more worrisome than the fear of never finding true love.
Apparently, This Is Not a Viable Excuse To Be Lazy
When I do mind-numbingly menial tasks, such as bagging raked leaves, putting away laundry, or washing the dishes, I get a vague feeling of anxiety in my stomach that rapidly moves through my abdomen, constricting my heart and lungs, but this isn't considered a valid reason to quit these tasks (or avoid them altogether.)
The Ur Sentence
I am shopping for a new digital camera because my wife has a habit of leaving things on the roof of our car.
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