Sentence of Dave

4/6/2009

I thought I had a lot in common with my nerdy students, but after seeing last Friday's "Collision" Dance Competition I realize this may not be true-- they can dance (but I also saw that the key to dancing is to have long black straight hair to fling around, so I'm growing mine out).

4/5/2009

Long ago, at a wine tasting festival in Virginia, I got a chance to meet Sam Snead-- I ambled into the tent, said, "Hey Sam, can you still kick out a light-bulb?"-- something i had heard he could do when he was young and limber-- and was escorted outside by the bouncers.

4/4/2009

I was excited that my son Alex (5 years old) was holding his own in a game of chess with an older kid-- it was a new plateau, they were quietly playing in the living room while we talked to our friends-- but obviously Ian didn't see it that way, he's only three and he still doesn't know how all the pieces move, so I guess he felt left out and he expressed his frustration by spitting on the board.

Of Triffids and Chrysalids

Some science-fiction reviews: Danny Boyle's Sunshine is pretty good, lots of slow-paced space scenes like 2001 and some actual science to back it up, but it gets confusing and presses for a big ending; John Wyndham's 1955 novel The Chrysalids is really good, a precognisant story of religion, mutation, and evolution: lots to think about, and it actually has a working plot and realistic dialogue . . . so now I've got to read his other famous one: The Day of the Triffids.

Grown Men Should Not Possess Fruit Roll-ups

Catastrophe averted: I removed a fruit roll-up from my shirt pocket just BEFORE I threw the shirt into the wash.

4/1/2009

Bad news: I'm wrapping it up, I'm packing it in . . . I've got no more to say-- I've run out of ideas and my life isn't interesting or significant enough to continue this blog . . . plus, I've had an epiphany, writing these sentences is self-indulgent and selfish, I should spend more time with my family, or better yet, doing charitable deeds . . . I just can't justify it any longer, and then there's the run-ons, the grammar errors, the lack of punctuation and proof-reading and the images that barely connect to the sentence: so I'd like to thank you all for reading and commenting (although part of me thinks this is all your fault) and I am now on to bigger and better things, spiritual transcendence, perhaps, or just greater humility about my place in the universe.

3/31/2009

I left my car at the Grove Friday night, Catherine met me out after the Collision Dance Competition and when it was time to go, I thought it would be more fun to ride home with her and listen to satellite radio (we DEFINITELY did not leave my car there because I had too much to drink) and when Catherine dropped me off the next morning we saw a few other scattered cars in the lot and laughed about the other over-indulgers that had to leave their vehicles and then two of the cars moved-- and they were BOTH teachers, it was a long week and everyone was a chaperon for the Competition, because of the near riot last year -- so we chatted and laughed about that coincidence and then wondered if certain regulars always met in the parking lot on Saturday morning to fetch their cars, grunted at each other in half remembrance and then went about their day, foggy and hungover.

3/30/2009

The Sentence of Dave now-- at no extra cost to you, the reader-- provides links to the opinion section of both The Wall Street Journal and the San Francisco Chronicle; so there is no excuse, after reading a sentence by Dave (TM) you can then analyze Dave's opinion through a conservative and a liberal lens, and then-- and only then-- can you arrive at a fair and balanced insult to hurl at Dave (who will be the first to admit how annoying it is when people refer to themselves in the third person, and will anticipate and dismiss any insults on that particular theme).

3/29/2009

Senioritis has arrived: several of my seniors were trying to cover their second semester text book by wrapping (not taping) a single sheet of 8 by 11 paper around the book (one student used the tissue paper canary yellow detention form for being late to class).

3/28/2009

My younger son Ian's reaction when Alex went to swim lessons but he did not (his age group was all filled up for this session) was awful (but also kind of funny, just because he's so cute)-- he went upstairs, crept into his bed, and curled up in a state of abject depression; when I asked him what was wrong, he said, "I want to be BIG-- I want to be big like you, Daddy."

Warning Warning.

The warning for today's sentence may be unnecessarily ironic.

Irony Warning!

The meaning of today's sentence may not be what it literally says! Dave might actually be content with his monotonous life! The events that he speculates about might actually be happening! Danger! Danger! Irony!

Rinse, Repeat . . . Pretty Sweet

My life has been so boring and monotonous lately (get up early, practice the guitar, go to work, grade essays, come home, have a snack, play with the kids, talk to Catherine, take Alex to swim lessons, help cook dinner, drink two beers, watch half a movie, read for twenty minutes, fall asleep, repeat ad infinitum) that I almost wish something cataclysmic would happen: perhaps the world economy could collapse, or the ice caps could start melting, or we could have a mass extinction similar to the one at the end of the Cretaceous . . . but then I think, it's not good to root for awful things to happen and I should be happy with my mundane life.

3/26/2009

In case anyone is concerned, my cyst wound is healing nicely, because I have good "tissue granulation," but maybe this was just the doctor blowing smoke up my ass, because he also said that when this is all said and done, I might have a "stela" shaped mark on my back-- which sounds really nice, but apparently means a scar in the shape of a cross (and all I could find about "stelae"-- which is the plural of "stela"-- were definitions about funerary towers . . . thus the image).

3/25/2009

In these hard economic times, it is important to remember that there are two ways to look at any political issue, and it is also important to remember that both ways are most certainly wrong.

3/24/2009

The ticket lady cautioned us that the Imax movie Sea Monsters was a bit scary, and I thought she was referring to the acting-- the B movie actors playing the paleontologists were outright awful (since when does one paleontologist say to another, "You'd better get your tools!")-- but my son Ian took this more literally: he nearly jumped out of his skin when the Tylosaur came from the blue depths and swallowed the super-sized shark in one gulp.

3/23/2009

I am wondering just how angry I am supposed to get at my children when they do not listen to me; I know it's bad for my heart to get angry, and I know it scares the hell out of my kids, but they DO NOT respond to my voice (or my wife's voice) until they detect rage-- until then, they just don't think it's pressing enough to respond; so the question is: do I allow them to be run over by a truck or fall into an open sewer or get gored by a rampant bison to avoid looking like an enraged lunatic in public, or do I continue roaming the earth red-faced, always either about to yell or just getting over a fit of yelling?