Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Sometimes Watching an Incident is Worse than Experiencing It
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The morning after the end-of-the-year party at Kristyna's house, my son Ian told his older brother Alex that he had a great time, except...
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It's Called Independence Day For a Reason
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I love skipping parades . . . I hate skipping and I hate parades, but I love skipping parades.
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Dave's Not Here
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Dave's not here, man, he's vacationing on the Cape, wearing Nantucket Red shorts and listening to Vampire Weekend, when he could b...
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Candlepin Bowling vs. Ten Pin Bowling
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You'll have to head over to Gheorghe: The Blog for your Daily Dose of Dave . . . I list the 27,000 reasons that candlepin bowling is be...
Brain Freeze
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The human memory is a black box, we know things go in it, we know that we can sometimes retrieve what we know -- sometimes we know we kno...
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I Get Paddled Several Ways (All Deservingly)
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Two hours into our ride to Cape Cod, I realized that I had packed my inflatable stand-up paddle-board, but had forgotten the paddle -- and t...
Bonus Post for RISK Fans!
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If you've ever played RISK (The Game of Global Domination) and you want to globally dominate, then you're going to want to read my p...
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You Shouldn't Wish People Dead (Spoilers?)
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I'd like to apologize for my sentence the other day about George R.R. Martin -- it's gauche to wish someone dead just because he wr...
Dog Park Jazz Recommendations
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A middle-aged rather distinguished African-American gentleman that I talk to at the dog park has been giving me some good jazz recommendatio...
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Things You Don't See Every Day
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While driving down South Fifth Avenue, the steep hill that descends to Donaldson Park, my son Ian and I saw three twenty-somethings rolling ...
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I Hate George R.R. Martin and Hope He Dies Before He Finishes His Next Book
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I just finished A Dance with Dragons , George R.R. Martin's fifth book in his epic series A Song of Ice and Fire, and while it's n...
Levels of Deception and Subjectivity in Sports
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You'll have to head over to Gheorghe: The Blog today to get your daily dose of Dave: I've ranked a bunch of sports on an objectivit...
A Man Compliments My Toes
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I was at a party on Saturday night, and unfortunately there was a corn-hole set in the backyard, and this was unfortunate because I am VERY ...
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Unassigned Homework
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The last thing any teacher needs during exam time is more work, but somehow the Story Contest Crew forgot this, and we had an end of the yea...
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Hidden Talents
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My eight year old son Ian is a hula hoop wizard - he can do two at a time, spin it around his knees, and walk while hula-hooping -- and this...
This Too Shall Pass
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My son Ian is a member of "the piggy club," but his brother Alex is not -- despite the fact that many of his friends profess to be...
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Huge Cement Shoes to Fill
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Although celebrity deaths don't usually occupy my consciousness, James Gandolfini's demise is slightly different . . . because no...
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It's Not All Books That Are As Dull as Their Readers (But Some Are!)
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I started my summer reading with two rather boring tomes, or I find them boring -- which may be a shortcoming of my own brain, but at least ...
Serenity Now?
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My wife and I noticed that everyone in our house was losing their temper more than usual (aside from the dog, who retreats upstairs when p...
It's All the Same Thing (No New Tails to Tell)
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It was 4:14 on Friday afternoon, and I was cutting up old deck boards so I could put them in contractor bags and toss them, when I saw a rus...
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I Have Achieved a New Level of Manliness
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Last week, in order to expedite the demolition of my deck, I bought a "wrecking bar," and never in my life have I felt so macho ab...
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Meta-Anachronism (Another Question of Dave)
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How does Tank -- a self-professed child of Zion -- who claims to have been born outside of the Matrix, in reality, make the comment "...
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Question of Dave #2 (e.g. Jack Nicholson)
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How does one avoid becoming a caricature of oneself?
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Question of Dave (i.e. Donald Trump)
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To be truly considered a man, do you need to go bankrupt at least once in your life?
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No Way You're Beating This Statistic (nor would you want to)
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It's been very humid lately here in central New Jersey, and so when I try to yank my socks onto my sweaty feet, I'm ripping one sock...
If I Were a Double Amputee . . .
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If I were a double amputee, I would definitely behave exactly like the man described in Erik Larson's fantastic non-fiction account of T...
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You've Got to Have Dreams
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Erik Larson's non-fiction book The Devil in the White City deals with two dreamers: Daniel Hudson Burnham, the architect and directo...
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Million to one shot, doc, million to one . . .
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If you're the kind of person that enjoys seeing a grown man rolling on the floor in agony, crying profusely while mucous shoots from h...
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It Was Surprisingly Funny
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We saw Joe DeRosa do stand-up the other night at The Stress Factory, and his main theme was: embrace your vices, because the world is so scr...
That's How to Perorate
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At my mother's retirement dinner on Thursday, Catherine, myself and the boys read a list of The Top Ten Benefits of Grammy's Retirem...
This Gets the Dave Stamp of Approval
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While I normally eschew passing along YouTube videos . . . because I'm far too significant, dynamic and brilliant a thinker to simply ...
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Is It So Weird to Do a Little Research?
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My students found it odd that I was reading Over-Dressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion and when I told them that I was reading ...
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Dave Writes a Fashion Post!
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The moral of Elizabeth Cline's elegantly written expose Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion is grim: "We ow...
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What is the Opposite of Fasting? Gluttony, Of Course . . .
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I have put back on nearly every pound that I lost on my brief two-day-a-week-fasting-diet -- not only was I completely wrong about my abili...
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Kids Don't Know Shit
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I can't refer to The Matrix any more in class -- my students haven't seen it-- and when my older son, who was involved in some in...
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Things You Might See in Donaldson Park at 5:45 AM
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An older man in all white, with a headband, hitting tennis balls rather poorly . . . tennis balls being served up to him by a giant boxy rob...
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What The Kids Are Watching
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Here are some YouTube videos the high school seniors recommended; despite the age gap, I still found them entertaining.
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Watch Out Guys . . . Here Comes Maya, Carrie and Sarah!
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Zero Dark Thirty is intense and usually feels very real (although at times some of Maya's dialogue is action-movie schlock . . . "I...
The Answer Is . . . No! Not Even a Little Bit!
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It was really hard to feign excitement when the boys ran into the house and shoved a yogurt container under my nose and said:"Hey Dad, ...
Internuts
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You know how sometimes you go on the internet for one reason (to look up how to marinate octopus before you grill it) but you end up doing s...
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Nothing But Terror
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Yesterday, I finished teaching Henry James' ambiguous ghost story "The Turn of the Screw" and I also finished reading The Loo...
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As a School Teacher, I Am Sad to Admit That This Doesn't Make Me Feel Confident At All
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Airborne . . . created by a school teacher?
Maximum Testosterone
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I agreed to dog-sit two dogs over Memorial Day Weekend -- Norman and Sniffer -- essentially turning our house into a dog park, and though th...
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I Am Not Sure Which Alternative is More Disturbing
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Lawrence Wright's dense and definitive book The Looming Tower: Al Qaeda and the Road to 9/11 is full of disturbing stuff (and I'm ...
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I Suppose You Had to Be There
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Though I doubt many of you care, I beat Dan (the Unbeatable Dan) on Thursday night: I shot an 8 in the 9th to beat him by two -- 42 to 40...
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Stryper Never Made It to Saudi Arabia
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One of the most disturbing things I have learned while reading Lawrence Wright's book The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9-11 ...
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Dave (Reluctantly) Gives Away Another Great Idea
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This idea is even better than my Second Best Idea Ever but I should warn you that it is also soccer related; one of the biggest problems wi...
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Silver Screen vs. Silver Book
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I was thoroughly entertained by the dysfunctional crew in David O'Russell's movie Silver Linings Playbook -- despite the fact th...
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You Can Eat an Orange Like an American or You Can Suck It
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For the most part, my fellow colleagues in the English Department aren't terribly diverse, but we do have a lovely Jamaican woman nam...
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Stern Artistic Advice
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I showed my friend John this charcoal drawing my seven-year-old son Ian made and he said to me: "He's a talented kid . . . wha...
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The Most Racist Show On Earth?
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I attended the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Circus again last week (the last time I went was almost exactly three years ago) and whil...
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My Son Was Almost Sensitive
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My seven year old son Ian, who generally plays it close to his vest, told me this unsolicited piece of information: "Ben is my closest ...
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Funniest Thing I've Read Since The Big Short
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This article is hysterical.
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Do It! Do It! Redux
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I should probably point out that I am more sympathetic to my son Alex's behavior on the bus than my wife is, because I succumbed to pee...
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The Platinum Age of Bewilderment
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Wired Magazine explains why television is better than it ever has been . . . and the Netflix original series House of Cards is certain...
Spooky Serendipity
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I finished Henry James' ambiguously supernatural novel Turn of the Screw Sunday morning and not an hour later, while walking back from o...
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Do It! Do It!
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In class right now, we are studying the ethical implications of some classic psychological experiments . . . Milgram, Asch, and Stanford pri...
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Our Dog Is Male
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Wednesday night, my seven year old son Ian made an observation and then reacted to his observation, all in the same sentence: "We have ...
A Riddle My Nine Year Old Son Created (I Didn't Get the Answer)
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What bites but has no mouth . . . and has wings but cannot fly?
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I Give Up!
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Diligent readers of Sentence of Dave know that I believe that Neal Stephenson is one of the greatest writers of our time -- he combines th...
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Technology is Cool/Scary
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Cool technology: lidar (it's like radar . . . with lasers!) and it is being used to discover load of archaeological sites in the dense,...
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Warning. This is Gross.
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If you aimlessly scratch at a pimple behind your earlobe, it can bleed a lot.
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One For the Actuaries
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I am assuming, from an insurance compensation stand-point, it is better to wait for a windy day and let your tree get knocked down by nature...
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Very Fine Gradients of Class Warfare
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I know this isn't the best trait -- as a coach or an athlete -- and it has probably been handed down to me from my father . . . but when...
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Boogers Part II (in 2-D)
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While not nearly as epic as this booger story , this is a cautionary tale for students and teachers alike: I do not think it is an exaggerat...
Killing Is Worth It!
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The first two seasons of AMC's The Killing focus on two Seattle homicide detectives trying to solve the murder of a high school stude...
My Son Successfully Sails the Seas of Cheese
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We commanded our children to make my grandmother a hand-made card for her 91st birthday, and in less than a minute my nine year old son Alex...
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Dave's Weather Report (Including the Sinuses)
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Unusual weather for central New Jersey today: sunny and dry, with clear skies and low humidity . . . and a 70% chance of boogers.
What Did Birders Do Before the Internet?
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There is a bird in my yard that says "cheeseburger! cheeseburger! cheeseburger!" and it only took me three minutes to learn that...
That Point Doesn't Count . . . The Ball Was Dead and I Wasn't Ready and the Sun Was in My Eyes
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My seven year old son Ian is the king of the "redo," which is short for "do-over," which is short for "I love to ch...
More Fun Things About Owning a Dog
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That's a strange ball in the middle of the living room . . . I don't remember the kids playing with that . . . it's kind of obl...
Graveyard for Resolutions
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Every so often I notice that I still have two failed New Year's Resolutions prominently displayed on the top of the sidebar (to the righ...
Dave Cannot Assess the Situation (Even Though He Refers to Himself in the Third Person)
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I have gotten so busy living my life, that I don't consume the same amount of literature, television, film and pop-culture as I used to ...
Weird Hair Day
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There are days when I always feel like I have a spider in my hair.
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Dave Learns Something! Maybe Even Two Things!
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Although I am a self-proclaimed Master of Vocabulary, every so often a student stumps me with a word (and I'm not talking about slan...
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My Children Are Both Overachievers
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I didn't think my boys were capable of it, but this year's school pictures are the worst yet.
Third Grade Forensics
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My son Alex gave me the lowdown about what was being debated on the playground Monday: cougar vs. owl in a fight to the death . . . and the ...
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More New Music from The Moving Rocks
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The Moving Rocks are on a roll -- here is the second song from the very-low concept album I am working on; it's called "Many Lives...
Spring Issue of Lifewild
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Spring is here, and with it a new issue of Lifewild Quarterly . . . an online magazine that my friend Adam puts together . . . I have writt...
Beer Might Be Like Jazz
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My new favorite beer in the universe is Switchback Ale , a delicious amber brewed in Burlington, VT and sold in 22 ounce bottles -- and I...
It's a Great Time for Wealth Inequality and Music
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Unemployment is high and the the environment is going to hell in a handbasket, but if you like music, then times couldn't be better: I h...
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It's Hard to be a Man in the 21st Century
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Last month, I helped a female teacher create a "Manliness Survey," and making the survey was so entertaining that we discussed the...
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Two Choices Make Things So Much Easier
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If I could be the star of any TV show, there are only two choices that come to mind -- I would either want to steal David Hasselhoff'...
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Same Dave Under a Different Name
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I have grown tired of Greasetruck as my fictitious band-name, and so I am changing it -- it's not like I have to consult with anyone! --...
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It's Fun to Eat Junk Food and Watch a Lot of TV
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Sometimes it takes an injury to remember how wonderful it is to eat salty and sugary snacks in alternation, while getting completely sucked ...
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Miracles: I Generate Them
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While zealous fanatics of Sentence of Dave know that I am no stranger to miracles , I realize that some of my more skeptical readers ques...
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That's a Killer
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Though my injury sucks, it is allowing me to watch and enjoy the first season of the AMC's Seattle noir murder mystery show The Kill...
The Medium Might Be a Message
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Neal Stephenson's ponderous, otherworldy and philosophical novel Anathem may be the perfect book to consume on an e-reader -- althoug...
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The Looming Specter of Death and a Tonka Truck
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I re-injured my groin/hip playing pick-up basketball Wednesday night, and part of me wonders whether I am getting old and should give this k...
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Bags, Cans, Baskets, Etc.
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During our vacation in Vermont my wife got to spend more time than usual with me, and so while she got to see how I operate out in the worl...
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Complaint or Humblebrag?
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I should count my blessings that I have complaints like this one about my children: sometimes my older son gets so wrapped up in listening t...
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This Sentence Was Written Under Duress
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I apologize for the poor quality of this sentence, but I am feeling light-headed because of the stupid fad-diet that I have vowed to adopt f...
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I'm Really TRYING to Be Enlightened . . . Really, I Am
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If you haven't seen the HBO series Enlightened , starring Laura Dern, then be sure to check it out -- it's funny and horribly awk...
Dieting Rule #487
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It is not your duty to finish all leftover slices of pizza in the refrigerator.
Am I Misanthropic or Merely Grouchy?
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In some respects, I'm glad the weather has finally turned spring-like, but the downside is that all the amateurs crawl out from hibernat...
Two Very Very Important Questions
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The house we rented in Vermont last week had Playstation 3 and Rock Band set-up in the basement, and after many hours of playing (and I must...
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My Children Are Animals (and I am Inured to It)
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Yesterday, I picked my kids up from school (plus an extra kid, as a favor) and I made the mistake of trying to talk to a friend for a moment...
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I Hate to Say I Told You So . . . or Do I?
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I hate to say "I told you so," but I told you so (and actually, like everyone else, I love to say "I told you so") and ...
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The Jungle is Low in Sodium
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If you don't want to change your ways, then do NOT read the chapter on diet in Jared Diamond's new book The World Until Yesterday . ...
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Big Announcement!
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I loved our vacation in southern Vermont so much that I have convinced my family to abandon their hectic central Jersey lives and move with ...
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