Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Ill-Suited Adjective
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The marketing department at Herr's needs to have a stern word with the advertising genius who decided to add the adjective Creamy -- wr...
A Bad Choice Followed By A Good Choice
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I made a bad when choice when I ate the entire bag of All Natural Kettle Style Sweet Potato Chips in a fit of gluttony after work on Tuesday...
Dead Letter Etiquette
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What is the requisite length of time you should keep a card? . . . birthday, Christmas, or otherwise . . . and does it matter who gave you t...
3 comments:
More Stuff High School Kids Wouldn't Like
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Every three years the teachers at my school put on a "Faculty Follies," and though I participated my first year teaching (I played...
6 comments:
Sometimes You Need to State the Obvious
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I went to a Wizards game Saturday night and Gheorghe Muresan made an appearance in our suite: he is tall, very tall.
3 comments:
If You Like Pina Coladas and Making Love to Yourself
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In my creative class, we listened to Allen Ginsberg read a poem called "Personals Ad," and many of the students had never heard ...
2 comments:
High School Kids Don't Care About This
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Daniel Kahneman's new book Thinking, Fast and Slow, describes and contrasts two "systems" in our brains-- fast thinking an...
1 comment:
A Number of Universal Significance
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Today is the day, I turn forty-two-- the meaning of life but according to who? and if you know, I'm willing to bet that you have read a...
3 comments:
Glad I'm a Dad
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Dads talk about what they did with their kids, while moms talk about what they neglected to do.
6 comments:
Teacher of the Year
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Sometimes being a great teacher is about what you DON'T do . . . the other morning I was using my guitar to illustrate how form often ...
3 comments:
Exercise Your Right To Plagiarize . . . or Plagiarize Your Right To Exercise?
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I often see people doing interesting exercises at the gym -- sometimes with weights, sometimes on the mats, sometimes with unusual equipme...
4 comments:
A Question for Counsel
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On Friday afternoon, my son Alex-- who is almost eight years old and fully literate, and who has been warned many times not to play with...
4 comments:
Yikes
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Last Wednesday, I drove all the way from New Brunswick to Highland Park with my car door open . . . this is partly because my Jeep is so lou...
5 comments:
Serpentine!
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I am teaching my dog Sirius to heel-- which essentially means that he needs to stay on my left side with his front legs even with me and h...
3 comments:
Dave Invents Keyboard Therapy!
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I am having trouble expressing how angry I am with words fit to print on a family-friendly blog, and I don't want to resort to kicking m...
5 comments:
Sometimes It's Best To Keep Quiet
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So on Monday, my wife and I took separate cars to the LA Fitness because I had to leave before her, and while I was walking across the park...
5 comments:
Your Secret is NOT Safe With Me
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This is a long one, but if you're a fan of awkward moments and bad decisions , then it might be worth your time: once we finish Act II o...
4 comments:
Fecal Paradox
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Due to lack of snow, the Canadian geese never left the park by my house this winter, and so the fields and paths are a shit-stained mess, ex...
5 comments:
Polar Plunge 2012: Time to "Mose Up"
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I have reported before on my wife's tendency to mix metaphors -- and she's been in rare form lately, creating new idioms such as shi...
Attention Lorne Michaels: Free Comedy Sketch!
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My friend Igor wrote a scathing critique of The Grammys the other day, and it gave me an idea for a gut-bustingly funny comedy sketch . . ....
What Do Todd Margaret And Tommy Saxondale Have in Common?
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The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret is another TV program that belongs in the "Dave Thinks It's Hysterical But His W...
2 comments:
Would This Happen If I Were Driving A Mini-Van?
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Someday I'm going to man-up and buy a new car-- most likely a mini-van -- and although it will be convenient and wonderful to have slidi...
4 comments:
One of the Benefits of Growing Old
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Twenty years from now, my only hope is that people will refer to me as a "character" instead of an "idiot."
4 comments:
This Is Why I Don't Drink Milk or Argue With Women
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The other day in the English office, my friend and colleague Rachel claimed that her breast milk "turned green" when she ate a lo...
6 comments:
Christmas Serenity . . . for Now
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Though I loved this particular piece of anti-Xmas art, I am proud to say that I had no annual Christmas melt-down this year-- I may have ra...
12 comments:
Six of One, 3.85 Fixed Rate APR of the Other . . .
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Though the result is essentially the same, I think I'd rather rob my bank rather than go through the hassle of refinancing my mortgage.
Does A.D. Mean Alcohol Dependent?
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And without the discovery of fermentation, would we have already conquered the stars?
3 comments:
Does B.C. Mean Before Caffeine?
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Without the benefits of coffee, would mankind still be in the dark ages?
6 comments:
Alan Moore: Predictable and Amusing (Just Like Me)
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DC Comics is planning to release a seven comic book mini-series prequel to the unparalleled comic masterpiece Watchmen , and (according to T...
5 comments:
Sometimes You Need To Take Yourself For A Walk
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I am browsing through Cesar's Way: The Natural, Everyday Guide to Understanding and Correcting Common Dog Problems, which is written by ...
7 comments:
Dave's Favorite Story About Dave
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Other readers have shared their Favorite Stories about Dave , and most have these have been in the Awkward Moments of Dave genre, but I w...
6 comments:
Dog Thought #2
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They say you have to bond with a new dog , so that it feels like part of your family, and-- as everyone knows-- the best way to bond is to h...
7 comments:
Even Hamlet Can't Compete With a Giant Wasp
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Like most teachers, I get very wound up and excited when I start Hamlet -- it's the ultimate piece of literature, totally engaging and e...
4 comments:
Dog Thought #1
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One of the ways I blow off steam is by walking around-- but I always feel a bit like a lunatic if I'm walking around completely aimlessl...
6 comments:
Who Cares? Not Tom Ripley. Not Banksy. You.
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The talented Tom Ripley is at it again in Ripley Under Ground , the second book in Patricia Highsmith's "Ripliad" series-- t...
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How Did This Happen?
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I am an introverted person who enjoys being alone for long stretches of time-- I like to read and play the guitar and write sentences and li...
6 comments:
Specific Demographic
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My friend Ann believes there is a very specific advertising demographic profile which consists of: 1) men in their late thirties and early f...
3 comments:
Neal Stephenson Cares About Canada . . . and by the transitive property, so do I
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The first seven hundred pages of Neal Stephenson's new novel Reamde take place in exotic locales such as Xiamen, Taiwan, the Philippine...
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Hey Michael Lewis! In A Book Titled Boomerang, Shouldn't You Visit Australia?
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In his new book Boomerang: Travels in the New Third World , Michael Lewis is more cavalier with is opinions than he was in his last book, ...
9 comments:
Sodom and Gomorrah and Explosions
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Everyone knows that "Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions"-- including my favorite "cool guys," the silent and scary...
7 comments:
North Brunswick Alumnus Scores 102 Yard Goal
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Tim Howard, Premier League and U.S. National Team goalie, is arguably the most famous North Brunswick High School Alumnus (he's compet...
3 comments:
Movie Trivia (Answer in the Comments)
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What film contains cameos by Dom Deluise, Charles Durning, James Coburn, Milton Berle, Elliott Gould, Madeline Kahn, Bob Hope, Mel Brooks...
5 comments:
Basketball vs. Soccer: Microcosmically
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In the winter I play pick-up basketball and indoor soccer in the same spot-- an elementary school gym-- which is conveniently located tw...
18 comments:
The Greek Economy is Ik (Michael Lewis Thomas)
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One of the economically devastated countries Michael Lewis describes in his new book Boomerang: Travels in the New Third World is Greece,...
2 comments:
Is Something Wrong With Me? Besides the Obvious . . .
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Last weekend I did a lot of walking up and down the sledding hill in my duck boots, and I eventually grew so annoyed that I had to switch ...
21 comments:
A Fact I Will Never Reveal To My Children
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In this months issue of Wired magazine there is a tiny article called "Three Smart Things About Boogers" and one of the smart th...
4 comments:
Things Start Making Sense
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My work today is over at Gheorghe: The Blog -- and, unfortunately for those of you with limited patience for my rambling, it is more than on...
4 comments:
The Tragedy of Dave Learning About The Tragedy of the Commons
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Biologist Garrett Hardin famously used the idea of "the tragedy of the commons" as an environmental principle that explained how ...
2 comments:
Corrupted Blood Incident: A Good Name For A Screamo Band
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Much of the new Neal Stephenson novel REAMDE takes place in a fictional Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game (MMORPG) named T...
6 comments:
It's Good To Give Your Children Concrete Goals To Strive For . . .
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The other day I promised my son Ian-- the budding artist-- that if he draws something cool enough, I'll get it tattooed on my back.
9 comments:
I'm Going to Read Me Some REAMDE
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I am half-way through Neal Stephenson's gigantic new novel REAMDE , and it reads like a 1000 page Wired Magazine article, a Wired art...
12 comments:
My Sentiments EXACTLY!
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Carrie Brownstein-- of the sketch comedy show Portlandia -- was being interviewed on "Fresh Air" a few weeks ago, and when Terry...
10 comments:
12th Man = Chili
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So I have made Giants play-off chili three times in my life, and all three times have resulted in good luck for the Giants -- but Sunday w...
8 comments:
Is This How Lenny Bruce Got Started?
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My seven old son Alex invented this riddle last week: "What does a lady cat carry around? A purrrrrrse," and I thought it was quit...
The E-Reader: Pros and Cons
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I am certainly what the tech-world calls a "late adopter," for example: I only recently got a cell-phone, and that's because m...
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Can Someone Explain This?
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I'll go to the gym and exercise until I am sweaty, lightheaded, and about to puke . . . but moments before I leave, I can't work up ...
4 comments:
Thomas Ripley: Believe It or Not . . .
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So this may be the most cliche thing you can say about a classic novel adapted for film, but-- sorry -- it's true; The Talented Mr. R...
2 comments:
I Draw a Line in the Sand . . . and Then Erase It: Arguments Against The Digital First Down Line
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You may think that the digital first-down line is an unassailable target-- that your football watching life is much improved by this benevo...
4 comments:
Knobs, Jugs, and Other Titillating Household Items
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I was very proud of my post-Christmas sentence entitled "Best Christmas Gift Ever: My Wife Got New Knobs!" because my wife actu...
4 comments:
Pamela Anderson is Canadian?
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I'm giving myself several "Caring About Canada" points this week because of the massive amounts of discussion on Canada I ha...
7 comments:
Everybody's Doing It . . .
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Students and adults alike were recommending Suzanne Collins's novel The Hunger Games , and I figured: if everybody's doing it, then...
5 comments:
2012: More of The Same . . .
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Catherine began the New Year in her own typical fashion: she called our home phone from a park in Milltown and I listened to her message and...
7 comments:
Mystery Solved!
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So I spent several periods on Thursday wondering why my shoe felt so loose, almost as if I was going to walk right out of it and leave it be...
Awkward Moment of Connell
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One of the nice things about the recurring Awkward Moments of Dave feature is that it encourages my friends and colleagues to confess thei...
15 comments:
I Pass The Lasch Test
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I feared what I would find between the covers of The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations , Christophe...
7 comments:
Know Your Audience
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Last Thursday night-- after much celebration-- we were blessed with the opportunity to play with a "musical staircase" at a law o...
6 comments:
Bonus! 2012: The Year in Review . . .
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2012 has been a wondeful year-- full of excitement and drama-- and if you want to read my comprehensive review of the biggest stories, head ...
More Thoughts on Drinking
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So I recently reported that when I stopped drinking beer and ate healthy food for a week that I noticed a number of salubrious effects, but...
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So Funny?
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Many people have written about the difficulty in expressing tone in electronic communication, and I will add an example to the list; a few w...
Bonus: Stunningly Ironic New Year's Resolution Development!
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The 2011 Taco Count is over (I ate my 200th last night) and I have moved on to a more abstract resolution for 2012-- to Care More About Cana...
3 comments:
Loath and Loathe Revisited
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Two things I should be loath to admit that I do not loathe : 1) spinning class-- because of plantar fasciitis, I am going light with the soc...
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