Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Overwhelmed By Sand
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After a recommendation from a friend, I started in on a novel that has the four elements that I generally can't stomach: 1) a map 2) an...
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I Had My Reasons (They Just Don't Make Sense)
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I was nervous all day Tuesday, my mind turning over the possibility that my 1993 Jeep Cherokee would not pass inspection and I would finall...
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Proud Parent
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So Ian is taking art lessons from an artist up the street, and she's been quite impressed with his work-- he's the opposite of his o...
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The Exception
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As a rule, I never lick anything that been sitting in my shed (mice live in there) but, if a soccer ball or basketball needs air, I don'...
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Just A Hypothesis
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We all know the idea of a gateway drug-- some habit forming substance that might possibly lead to addiction to a harder drug-- but I pose th...
The World Will Never Know
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I wonder what kinds of fantastic and creative ideas I would come up with if my consciousness was not constantly being interrupted by my chi...
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For Once In My Life, I'd Love To Be On The Inside
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The first half of Charles Ferguson's documentary Inside Job is a clear review of the causes of the 2008 global financial crisis-- th...
Costanza-esque
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I don't know about you, but when I say, "I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" and a colleague says, "Oh n...
An Analysis of My Netflix Queue
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My Netflix queue has swollen to 233 films, and though I'm never going to view these films, they do reveal quite a bit about about my hop...
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I Am A Bad-ass
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I was going to take my kids to the pet store and let them each choose a fish for our new fish tank , but they get into a fist-fight while ge...
The Giving Ski
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I was gung-ho on teaching my two boys to ski this season (for purely selfish reasons . . . I love to snowboard and this gives me an excuse ...
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Humble Buffet
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I shouldn't be reading heralded economist Ha-Joon Chang's book 23 Things They Don't Tell You About Capitalism , because I'm...
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I May Have Given These Words of Wisdom to My Students
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The difficult thing about family vacations is that you're out in public, so you can't hit your kids.
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You Make The Call
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The United States spends 1.1 percent of the budget on foreign aid, the lowest percentage of any wealthy country besides South Korea . . . ye...
Olfactory Query
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My five year old son Ian asked a fair question last week: "Can you smell over the phone?" and-- considering the smell of most peop...
El Cambio es Bueno
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Hola, mi nombre es Juan, y aquí es una frase excelente para que usted pueda disfrutar, y me gustaría dar las gracias a David por la extern...
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In Afghanistan, Happiness is a Warm Poppy
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Eric Weiner's book The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World won't give you any definiti...
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Saxondale: A Show To Watch When Your Wife Goes Out
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As a rule, I never watch television alone (unless it's a sporting event, because then I feel like I'm with the crowd at the event) b...
Best Intentions
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When I first started teaching, I thought I was going to be one of those teachers who rewarded kids with candy, and so I bought a bag of Hers...
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Literary Psychoanalysis
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I am more like Hamlet and my wife is more like Fortinbras . . . and this works out well.
Are You An Orchid or a Dandelion?
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The most powerful essay in The Best American Science Writing of 2010 is called "The Orchid Children," and the author, David Dobb...
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It's Really Hard To Eradicate Weeds
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The sixth season of Weeds will grow on you, unlike the previous season, where the show nearly withered and died-- it's a return to it...
People Ruin Everything
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More from The Best American Science Writing of 2010 : Elizabeth Kolbert, in her essay "The Sixth Extinction?" points out that whe...
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Did Banksy Create Rebecca Black?
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Despite writing this blog, I remain fairly isolated from what's being passed around on the internet-- and I'm sad to report that I...
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The Influence of Digital Media on My Caloric Intake
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On the rare occasion that we eat at my favorite Mexican restaurant-- Tortuga's Mexican Village in Princeton-- I usually order a tamale a...
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Sometimes, You've Got To Do What You've Got To Do (Despite the Stupid Name)
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I put it off for a week, because it's absurd and embarrassing and it has a stupid name and nothing feels more foolish, but in the end, ...
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The Bright Side
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If you believe Hugh Everett's "many worlds interpretation" of quantum physics , then you believe there are an infinite number ...
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Test Your Child For The ACTN3 Gene and Muscle Type!
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Steven Pinker, in his essay "My Genome, My Self," explains that many of the "dystopian fears" raised by personal genome ...
Does This Guy Look 80% Bald?
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I'm wading through The Best American Science Writing of 2010 and overarching theme of the collection is this: things are complicated ...
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My Vegetable Love Should Grow Vaster Than Empires
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The prices at the vegetable market on Route 1 are better than the prices at Stop and Shop , but you have to be more discerning with your se...
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All Searches Lead to the Sentence of Dave
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Here are some of the Google search entries that led people to this humble little corner of the internet: emo, giant wasps, japanese emo, te...
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Instant Fish
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There are certain things you shouldn't buy used-- condoms, fuzzy toilet seat covers, handkerchiefs, and enema kits-- but as for everythi...
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A Question Most Americans Are Afraid To Ask
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How many plastic cups does a family of four actually need?-- and I am guessing the answer is NOT twenty-nine, which is how many we have . ....
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Seven For Seven
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Although it might be a bit early to invite a comparison to the greatest streak in professional sporting history-- Joe DiMaggio's magnifi...
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More Alan Moore
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Although I couldn't make it through Alan Moore's The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen , I loved The Saga of the Swamp Thing . . ...
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Brevity is a Warm Gun
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If you like your assassins hot and your hookers hotter, then The American is the film for you.
Highland Park's Charter School Controversy Goes National
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Wednesday, The New York Times printed an article called "The Promise and Costs of Charters," which focuses on the Hebrew languag...
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American Dreaming
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American Dreaming by The Density I have often expressed my disdain for dreams and their significance , but when I opened my mind t...
The Town is Riddled With Holes
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You may have looked at the title of this post and thought to yourself, That's a mixed metaphor and doesn't make much sense, and if...
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Gut Reaction (Another Awkward Moment of Dave)
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In no way do I mean to belittle this awful, tragic story, but when a colleague (young and female) pulled this headline up on the computer ...
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41 Candles
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It's become de rigeur in my family to forget to wish me "Happy Birthday" on the morning of . . . as my son's birthday is t...
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I'd Like To Have My Face Digitally Scrubbed
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There is an obvious irony to The Social Network : the guy who created the modern template for friendship doesn't really have any friend...
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V For Paranoia
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When I read Alan Moore's Watchmen , I thought to myself: I should write the script for a graphic novel, it would be awesome if someone ...
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Treading Water in the Shallows
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Nicholas Carr's new book The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing To Our Brain is well argued and frightening, and the opposition from...
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Tacos Trump Enchiladas
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My wife suggested enchiladas for my birthday meal and I agreed heartily, but then she asked, "Do enchiladas count as tacos?" and I...
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34 Years To Go! (For An Average American Male)
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Today is my birthday, me and the Seuss -- I'm now forty-one, and still feeling loose, but if life is a train, I'm near the cab...
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Who Is The Biggest Loser?
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At work, a number of my colleagues are participating in a Biggest Loser Diet Contest-- they all put money into a pot and the person that l...
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I'd Better Pace Myself
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Governor Christie promises he will pay into the state pension fund if a number of his demands are met (that's how collective bargaining ...
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Costco on a Weekday! This Is How It Feels!
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I went to Costco after school last week, and it was surprisingly satisfying . . . it wasn't crowded so I didn't have my usual panic ...
Ian's Forecast
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It's gonna rain babies.
Banksy and Alan Moore Should Hang Out
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Banksy, the acclaimed and aggressively anonymous street artist, was invited to the Oscars for his debut film Exit Through The Gift Shop but...
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Fins Are For Fish
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When I am swimming laps in the pool at the gym, I pace myself against the swimmer in the adjacent lane, and I am a decent swimmer so unless...
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No One Understands My Brilliance
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It is very frustrating when you have a sudden and fantastic synaptic burst that results in a brilliant idea, and it goes unappreciated; for ...
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The Bar is Raised at the 2011 Plunge
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The bar was raised in numerous ways at this year's Sea Isle City Polar Plunge : 1) Due to more people on Friday night and more members...
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Clay Shirky, You Are My Nemesis!
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I am reading War and Peace for the second time right now-- and that's not counting the time I read six hundred pages and and then quit,...
I Can Neither Read Nor Cook
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I learned something about couscous the other day: I was trying to time dinner so that everything was ready exactly when my wife and kids got...
The Damned United is Damned Good
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The movie The Damned United , which portrays Brian Clough-- England's most celebrated, enigmatic, abrasive and outspoken soccer coach --...
I Use Probability to Solve A Marital Mystery
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Once again, I discovered my gym bag in the closet upside-down, and I was not the one who did this-- because I never put my gym-bag away, nor...
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I Am A Winner (And I Didn't Even Know It)
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Each year San Jose State University sponsors the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest , where entrants are challenged to write the worst beginning ...
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Louie
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Though the Seinfeld gang led pathetic and shallow lives, they could always turn to each other for camaraderie-- even at the end in their j...
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My Son Wisely Keeps His Mouth Shut
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My six year old son Alex expressed his skepticism over the clairvoyance of Punxsutawny Phil, and he also expressed his disdain for his first...
My Lips Save the Day . . . Now Who Will Be My Valentine?
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Sunday morning, while playing indoor soccer, I hit a slick patch on the gym floor and my feet slid backwards and into the air, and it happe...
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My Use of Mathematics Makes A Young Lady Weep
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In my composition class, one of the options for the classification and division essay is an assignment I stole from Bess Ward, a science pro...
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Zombies Vs. Men In Tights
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Last weekend, I consumed 11 volumes of Walking Dead comic books (but now I am back on track with the new translation of War and Peace) and...
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Retreat!
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Last Saturday, during the freezing rain storm, Alex and Ian built an elaborate fort in the living room: they covered a card table with an af...
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I Am Calling Out Alan Moore (Despite His Scary Beard)
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I have mentioned that I can't really understand why fans of the graphic novel Watchmen despise Zach Snyder's movie version . . . I...
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Plastic Bag Saves the Day!
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I was suffering the embarrassment of an "invalid magnetic strip" at the grocery store-- for both my ATM card and my credit card-...
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I Am Relieved
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While walking to a friend's house I thought of a brilliant way to parody the hit Cee Lo Green song "F*ck You" . . . instead ...
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I Share Two Dreams (But For For Good Reason!)
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I usually stop listening when someone begins describing a dream, as descriptions of dreams are usually incoherent, fragmented and torturous-...
If You've Got The Winter Blues, Unbroken Is The Cure
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When I am about to complain about things that really aren't serious enough to warrant complaint-- such as this ridiculously ugly winter...
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Can Someone Do A Study?
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I know this is hard to measure statistically, but I think there has been a marked increase in people who take the wrong exit, realize this m...
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The Future of Anxiety?
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In the '50's we worried about Communism and in the '60's we worried about Civil Rights and in the '70's it was the e...
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Once Again, I Unleash My Super-Potent Rhetorical Forces
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You may be aware of my super-potent rhetorical powers , and I have been forced to use them once again; this time I have unleashed a rhetoric...
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Despite My Disappointment, Zack Snyder Probably Made a Good Decision (But What Do I Know?)
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My wife and I watched Zack Snyder's epic treatment of the graphic novel Watchmen , and I assumed that my wife would need my help with th...
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I Appreciate Those With A Sense of Style
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I had to return a pair of jeans to Kohls on Saturday (I am less fat than my wife thought . . . a 36'' waist is too big) and and this...
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