Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Justice is Served
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For Sartre, "l'enfer, c'est les autres," but for me hell is a high school musical, and yesterday I was definitely in a cir...
4 comments:
Playground Illusions (and Allusions)
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Alex and Ian were playing "pirate-ship" on the jungle gym with a bunch of kids the other day, and Alex started yelling, "sire...
This IS Going to Hurt
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You know it's trouble when the dentist actually tells you something is going to hurt-- but I did learn something: a pus-filled abscess ...
These Are My Demands
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We're meeting with the architect today to tell him what we want our new kitchen to be like, and I want to give him a few unrealistic dem...
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Am I Some Kind of Dancing Monkey?
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It's been a busy day (I had to sign Alex up for pre-school among other things) and I haven't been able to think of anything particul...
How To Get to Leave Work Early
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Yesterday, I had to leave school early because the zipper on my fly broke (I tried to fix it with a piece of double-sided tape because I was...
8 comments:
Anapestic Birthday Wishes
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Today is the day-- now I'm thirty-eight!-- The Doctor and I share the same date-- If Seuss were alive, he'd be one-o-two, And if ...
2 comments:
Other Minds
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Alex turned four today, and he's he's having a few friends from school over, which is very weird-- that he has this life of his own ...
3 comments:
Winter Is Coming for Whitney
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Whitney came to visit last night, but he was woefully unprepared for the cold weather-- he had his work shoes, thin socks, a light jacket, s...
You Hugged My Fart
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Some primitive attempts at humor last night from the kids: when Cat's mom said "See you in the morning" to Alex, he replied b...
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Funny When?
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I watched "Trailer Park Boys" last night, after a long hiatus from them; they weren't as funny as I remembered-- but I'm ...
3 comments:
Anyone Can Draw and Amoeba
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I've been creating some poorly drawn animation on my tablet: if anyone has any easy-to-draw plot ideas for my amoeba sitcom, send them ...
2 comments:
Dave Does Coz
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Went with Catherine to see Bill Cosby last night, with the MAN and the woman . . . and if it wasn't for the BEER . . . well, then you y...
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Winter Fun!
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Yesterday, Alex, Ian and I built an igloo (and both my kids could comfortably fit inside-- a marvel of ice architecture); today, to continu...
Like Father, Like Son
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It was only Alex and me at the breakfast table this morning; he looked at me and said "We're both picking our noses!" and it ...
Amoeba Love
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Today, instead of using my snow day wisely and doing my taxes while the children napped, I wrote a short love song about amoebas and animate...
6 comments:
Dave Controls the Weather
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To celebrate the 100th Sentence of Dave I have arranged for a snow day; please show your appreciation by clicking on the ads.
5 comments:
Is This Normal?
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Yesterday I consumed (in chronological order): two packs of oatmeal, an apple, a yogurt, five Munchkin Donuts, a cobb salad and jalapeno ch...
5 comments:
How Can You Remember If You Forgot?
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I realized on Monday that I've been driving without my license since early December-- I needed to show my ID at the Philadelphia Zoo bec...
1 comment:
Acting! Is Very Silly . . .
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I suffered through hours of Kate Blanchett pretending to be Queen Elizabeth because I wanted to see the Spanish Armada battle scene, and it ...
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2/18/2008
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The warm weather made the animals extremely active at the zoo today-- polar bears wrestled underwater, penguins breached, the lions were act...
2 comments:
2/17/2008
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Yesterday, my two sons and I formed a short lived rock'n'roll band, and my son Alex came up with our name: The Junior States (he ha...
THAT'S Fresh
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I listened to 8 Diagrams on my eight-mile run this morning, and the Wu-Tang is still "keeping it fresh like Tupperware."
3 comments:
This Sounds Stupid (And Maybe It Is)
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I hate it when actors have to act : for example, Catherine and I were watching an entertaining thriller called Primal Fear and the part re...
7 comments:
2/14/2008
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A few weeks ago, I challeneged Alex to rub his belly and pat his head at the same time, but he was unable to do it and never mentioned it ag...
2/13/2008
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A bittersweet day: Alex conquered the sled hill by our house for the first time, but Ian was sick with a fever and had to stay inside.
2 comments:
2/12/2008
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2 comments:
2/11/2008
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8 comments:
2/10/2008
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The new kitchen is always the topic around our house: yesterday's topic was why does a stone floor feel colder than a wood floor when ei...
2/8/2008
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I learned two things last night: God is a giant ear, and a "hook-up" is when you smuggle prison food out of the dining hall and ba...
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2/8/2008
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Alex approached me with another "drawing" of his and I got ready to channel my time spent in the Uffizi (I use the Stanislavski me...
2 comments:
Emu Farm
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A new song by Greasetruck , but it's the same old story: boy meets girl, boy tries to impress girl by purchasing an emu farm, boy negle...
6 comments:
Fourteen Words That Will Kill Your Buzz
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I was having fun writing my trilogy of aphorisms about time, until I read this last night in Nabokov's Speak, Memory : "our exist...
2 comments:
2/5/2008
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Living in the present is an impossible dream: one part of the mind is always anticipating the future, while another constantly assesses the ...
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2/4/2008
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Thinking about the past is a trap: remembering the bad times is depressing, and reminiscing about the good times is depressing as well, beca...
3 comments:
2/3/2008
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Alex's swim lesson will be ten minutes longer today, to make up for the time that was lost last week because some kid upchucked in the p...
2/2/2008
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On Google Trends you can observe the top 100 web searches for the day-- it's a window to the consciousness of the world; on the day Heat...
2/1/2008
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Writing my sentence while I have to urinate ensures that it will be short.
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Homeless Elbow
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Two days ago in Boulder, my friend Ryan and his wife Cat were attacked by a homeless man with a club-- Ryan took a shot to the head before C...
2 comments:
Finned and Defused
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I'm reading Marvin Minsky's The Society of the Mind (his treatise on intelligence, artificial and otherwise) and Neil Shubin's Y...
4 comments:
It's Hard to Start Hamlet With A Hangover
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If you have plans for the Super Bowl, make sure they're flexible-- because I sent an e-mail to the President of the Fox Network asking h...
2 comments:
I'm Above This Kind of Gossip
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Apparently, the story that Mark Hamill got into a car accident and had reconstuctive surgery on his face between filming The Empire Strikes...
2 comments:
How Much Does a Coffee Filter Filter?
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This morning I spilled the entire canister of coffee beans onto the kitchen floor (which isn't terribly clean, Alex and Ian are slobs) ,...
The Hassler
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Eighteen consecutive missed pool shots (including a break that flew off the table and into the wall) are erased by one lucky jump shot.
2 comments:
Dave Rationalizes Violence in the Office
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I'm starting to feel less guilty about punching Brady in the leg yesterday -- in fact, because of his history of madcap pranks, I'm ...
1 comment:
I Punch a Colleague For No Good Reason
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Unfortunately, the title of this post is accurate, but there were donuts involved so I think you'll understand how it happened and empat...
3 comments:
I'm Not Superstitious Anyway
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If the Giants lose, I'll shoulder the blame (I was growing a Giants good-luck victory beard, but it got really itchy so I shaved it.)
3 comments:
To Drool or Not to Drool
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I have to stop bringing such good sandwiches to work (e.g. ham, mozzarella, fried peppers, onion, lettuce, and balsamic dressing-- Catherine...
5 comments:
Personification Poisons Dave's Mind
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I am so pissed off at my new USB hard drive that I can't think coherently enough to write a meaningful sentence.
Do Not Be Tempted By The Plethora of Signs
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Don't stop at Lake George if you need fuel and also need fast access to a bathroom-- the amenities are a long way off the exit!
Close Enough
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Six yards off is still a fairly accurate revelation.
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Nostra-Dave-Us
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A revelation: the Giants will beat Green Bay in overtime with a 41 yard field goal.
Yin and Yang
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We eluded the snow on our way to Vermont, but not whatever is giving me the shits.
If Bruce Were in Futurama
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Tonight, we'll be racing the storm up Route 87-- it almost sounds like a Bruce Springsteen song, aside from the kids in the back watchin...
You Can Get This Stuff Over-the-Counter?
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The potency of Nyquil always astounds me.
Te ves sexy en ese bikini de metal . . .
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I finally got my comeuppance for illegally burning DVD's I get from the library-- we sat down to watch "Return of the Jedi" on...
5 comments:
Weather.com: Do They KNOW What 100% Means?
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Despite the one-hundred percent chance of snow Weather.com promised, we are going to school today-- but I guess a Giants victory over Dallas...
Where the Fuck Do You Get Lunch on a Saturday in Princeton?
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Who knew that both Conte's and Tortuga's Mexican Village are both closed for lunch on Saturdays?
4 comments:
Can We Get A Replay On That?
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Ours was a house of vomit and and worse last night (but Catherine did make an amazing play at the vegetable market-- she saw Ian's mouth...
1/11/2008
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Finally, relief from the worm that's been gnawing at my brain: the ramp for the new crawl space can go inside the basement!
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1/10/2008
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Last night, spellbound by his first viewing of the Star Wars Trilogy, Alex insisted that "The Empire Strikes Back" should actuall...
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1/9/2008
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I'd like to thank the U.S. Postal Service for getting me my movie on time-- "Street Fight" arrived today and now the rest of m...
1/8/2007
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I'm really counting on Blockbuster to mail me "Street Fight" -- if it doesn't arrive by Friday I'm going to have to te...
1/7/2007
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"The Big Doe Rehab" and unseasonably warm weather is the cure for the winter blues.
3 comments:
1/6/2008
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We have an ant farm with dead ants in it on our shelf.
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1/5/2008
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We met with the kitchen design lady the other night, and she showed us some very nice kitchens she designed-- but they were TOO nice, it mad...
1/4/2008
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Too busy reading "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" to write a sentence today.
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1/3/2008
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Last night, Catherine asked Alex to turn down the volume on the stereo, but he turned the knob the wrong way and turned the volume WAY up; ...
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Why Are There So Many Televisions At The Gym?
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Catherine and I went to the gym together on New Year's Day, and we put Alex and Ian in the kid's play area while we worked out-- it&...
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1/1/2008
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My sentence per day completion rate is now one hundred percent for 2008, as compared to a pitiful 10.4 percent for 2007-- I'm also one h...
Scary and Thrifty
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Yesterday, Alex told me that he's practicing scary faces so that next Halloween he won't need to wear a mask.
There Are Degrees of Loss
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At least the Giants made them earn it.
Three Out of Four Would Be Good
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Time to start thinking about some New Year's Resolutions for 2008-- I really want to feast more often on the blood of the innocents, ma...
1 comment:
Old Carpets Defeat Giant Shark!
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Although I thought my son Alex would say that the best thing in the Metropolitan Museum of Art was The Physical Impossibility of Death in t...
2 comments:
Dave Aims High and Falls Short
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I'm trying to learn "Dueling Banjos" from the movie Deliverance on my banjo, but parts of it are way too hard for me, and th...
5 comments:
Whatever Stroke Floats Your Boat
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We met a golden retriever today that survived hurricane Katrina-- he must have done a mean dog paddle.
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The Gift That Keeps Jiggling
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Santa Claus brought me four pounds of belly fat-- how much fat did he bring you? . . . and where did he hide it?
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Phew
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I almost forgot to write a sentence today.
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Child's Imagination Causes Problem
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After my son Alex asked for another impossible Christmas gift-- a radio controlled flying skull-- my wife said: "This is why we need to...
2 comments:
R.I.P. Ed
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Ed Otken: gentle giant, childhood friend, the only farmer I have ever known, the only farmer ever to employ me, and the only person I have e...
Stacey's Story
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A story from Stacy that entertained me: "Last night after I got home from the bar, I walked my dog and then, just before I was about to...
4 comments:
Dave is NOT Hydrodynamic
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This morning at the gym, I tried out my new Speedo swimsuit; I bought the straight leg style (which looked to be the size of boxer shorts in...
4 comments:
Here I Am Now, Entertain Me
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I would like it if some of you would pretend you are plotting to kill me-- you know, let me overhear ambiguous snippets of conversation, lea...
4 comments:
Like Freddy Krueger, I Appear in Your Dreams
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One of my fellow teachers was dreaming last night about how it wasn't a good idea to let me have a bit part on her imaginary talk show--...
4 comments:
First World Problems
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Whenever I watch half of a football game and then go to bed, I wake up in the night wondering who won, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs...
7 comments:
Next Stop: Barbie's Dreamhouse
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Yesterday, we took the kids to see "Enchanted" and I kind of liked it . . . can someone please poison me ?
4 comments:
Hit Me On the Head, Please
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I wish I had a case of selective amnesia (like Jason Bourne) so that I could go back and read the old posts of my blog and it would be like ...
3 comments:
Xmas Sux
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Today in the English office I gave the first of my anti-Christmas rants, and-- as the 25th approaches-- I expect they will increase both in ...
2 comments:
I Didn't Leave the Camera on the Roof of the Car!
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Last night, my wife spent a good deal of time and energy dressing our children seasonally and then posing them in front of our little fake ...
10 comments:
You Had a Hellhound in Your Vagina?
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My favorite line in Richard III is what Old Queen Margaret says to Richard's mom, about her hunchbacked malevolent son Richard of Glou...
2 comments:
A Salty Endorsement
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For a good time, head to the city sort of near the sea-- South Amboy-- as one of the natives told me, "It's not just for crusty old...
5 comments:
Divide and Nap
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I told Catherine that the reason I don't know how to install the car seat is the same reason that American industry is great: division o...
1 comment:
12/9/2007
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My grandmother thought Ian (my two year old son) was asking for "meat, meat!" when actually he was saying "treat, treat!"...
12/08/2007
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I anticipate that it's going to be a disappointing Christmas for my son Alex, because today he went to see Santa-- and he asked him for...
12/7/2007
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Today, I taught third period (and possibly first and second) with a large dry booger in my nose.
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12/6/2007
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Yesterday, a female teacher refused to explain what it means to "superman" a girl-- and now that I have looked it up, I know why.
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What Gives?
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This morning at the gym, when the short guy finished swimming his laps and got into the hot tub, the cute blond lifeguard hopped in with him...
6 comments:
12/4/2007
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Ian, my two year old son, figured out that if he fake coughs while I'm reprimanding him, it makes me laugh.
5 comments:
Mike Tyson Should Sleep Next to His Pet Tiger
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According to the Dr. Seuss classic, "Horton Hatches the Egg," if an elephant broods over a bird's egg, then he creates a flyin...
6 comments:
12/2/2007
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And on the ninth sentence, Dave rested.
1 comment:
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