Fuck Lantern Flies!

The maple tree in my backyard seems to be generating a never-ending supply of lantern flies-- every afternoon, I go out and squish dozens of them with a long-handled broom and the next day there they are again; apparently-- according to my dog-park buddy Bill-- they crawl up from the ground and go up the tree to try and lay eggs, which turn into scaly egg masses, and the lantern flies bore a hole into the tree under the egg mass, so the sap of the tree can feed the eggs and young lantern flies-- which will eventually damage the tree (plus the sugary lantern fly excretions, which land on the plants below the infested tree, attract aphids and black moldy gunk) and nothing seems to eat these critters (aside from praying mantises, and there aren't enough praying mantises to eliminate the never-ending supply of lantern flies) so if I can't figure out some way to quell these creatures, I'm going to have to cut this tree down and replace it with an evergreen (even though it's the primary shade tree in our backyard-- fuck these things!)

5 comments:

Marls said...

Sentence of things Dave wants to fuck

rob said...

what's a fuck lantern?

Whitney said...

Grab a flashlight and a rubber band and I’ll show ya

zman said...

Please do not fuck any lantern flies, I do not need them propagating any further, let alone mixing with Dave's hairy genes. Whilst walking zwoman's dog I saw lantern fly excreta falling out of a tree. zcar is covered with it so I have to wash it once a week. Deez fuggin lannin flize ah roo-in-in my fuggin paint!

Professor G. Truck said...

lantern fly excreta is my nemesis . . . although now i'm pondering a dave/lantern-fly hybrid-- would definitely be able to survive nuclear winter.

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