Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Rough Afternoon
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My son Alex had a rough afternoon on the pitch today-- it was hot and we were playing a very tough South River team on their insane grass fi...
Hygiene Theater Part II
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This picture of my high school's "terminal" hallway says it all about "hygiene theater"-- today at cafeteria duty, t...
Acting! In the Hygiene Theater . . .
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School is absurd right now-- we wear masks in class, but then we go to the cafeteria and 500-plus kids eat together without masks (and I sup...
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Looking for the Silver Lining in Chronology
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My older son Alex-- a senior in high school-- had a good day on Friday; he learned he was starting at left-back in the soccer game on Saturd...
The Myth of the Starving Artist
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According to North Korean defector Yeonmi Park, there's no such thing as a starving artist-- if you're foraging for grasshoppers and...
Trump, Shakespeare, Assassination, Viral Media, Abe Lincoln, Wife-Beating, Etc
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James Shapiro's book Shakespeare in a Divided America: What His Plays Tell Us About Our Past and Future is far more fun and compelling ...
Ironic and Idiotic Advice and Action Juxtaposition
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Teenage boys are often the worst about basic common sense and safety-- for example, they leave the burners on in the kitchen and go elsewher...
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The Dress: Revisited By a Morning Person
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According to this article in Slate, morning people (larks) had a much better chance of seeing that black and blue dress that took the inter...
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Be Like Jenson (Not Novak)
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I'm a compact guy, so no more following around-- I'm going to hit a compact two-handed backhand . . . and I might even chip it with ...
The Return of the Greased Watermelon!
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This morning my shoulder felt awful, my legs were sore, and I was still a little slick from the vaseline . . . which are all good things as ...
Hurricane Ida Jersey Flood Pics
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Here are some pics of the Hurrican Ida floodwaters in Highland Park and New Brunswick . . . pretty wild-- for two days, our house was rivers...
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What Does the Fox Scream?
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I thought that when our coffee maker broke, that was the perfect ending for this summer-- but it wasn't-- the perfect ending was a monst...
A Perfectly Apropos Ending for This Summer (but a bit on the nose)
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On my final day of summer (but my wife is reporting to work today) the coffee maker broke, which is the perfect end to this summer of lost a...
Penultimate Day of Summer!
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I've got to report to work on Thursday, and this is what I've done so far on my penultimate day of summer: 1) went to the dog park a...
New(ish) Car!
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We picked up our 2018 Mazda CX-5 today from Open Road Honda, we were looking for a CR-V or a RAV4 but we got a great deal (after a lot of br...
Kids, Seinfeld, and Curb
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My son and his friend Gary have a hypothesis: if you connect something in class to Seinfeld, your teacher will love you-- and it's gener...
Two Decent Movies You Probably Haven't Seen . . .
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If you're sick of committing to another TV show (or get in trouble if you watch the "family" show when all members of the fami...
No One Ever Told Me This Shit
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Our washing machine stopped spinning last week and we couldn't figure out why, but a jovial Hispanic appliance wizard solved the problem...
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75% Doesn't Cut It
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Three out of four times I use the sink, I remember that we have no sink-head on the hose-- our head clogged and died a week ago and we are w...
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Summer of Dying Things
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Our Honda CR-V, our dishwasher, our sink head, our front porch railings, two of our bikes, and now the spin cycle on our washing machine . ....
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What Happens to Those Final Girls After the Movie Ends?
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The new Grady Hendrix horror novel, The Final Girl Support Group , is both more surreal and meta than his previous novels but also more prof...
All Kinds of Emotions, All Kinds of Screens
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Last night our family went and saw Hasan Minhaj at the new NBPAC theater in New Brunswick-- he did ninety minutes of stand-up and storytelli...
Youth
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This week at soccer we alternated three-hour practices with two-hour practices and despite this massive caloric expenditure, my younger son ...
Pool Tip
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If you don't want to get water in your eyes when you're swimming laps, get some open water goggles-- they work much better than regu...
Eat This Food!
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Crumbly chorizo, delicious al pastor pork, tender carne asada, loaded sopes, thick fluffy gorditas, superb chicken mole, and a variety of ta...
Sea Isle in a Weekend
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Saturday morning, my older son Alex and I drove down to Sea Isle City to try to pack in a mini-vacation before high school soccer went into ...
People Have Always Been Idiots . . .
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Susan Wise Bauer's The History of the Medieval World is a massive and comprehensive chronological overview of recorded history "fro...
Dave Heroically Drives 7.4 Miles (Round Trip)
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I had to borrow my neighbor's car today to make it on time for my bloodwork appointment at LabCorp this morning-- another requirement of...
Heat Related Memory Loss Miracle!
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Folks reported they were on my face yesterday when I left the workshop, but I searched the car and the house and everywhere else high and lo...
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Middle School Kids Don't Need Nice Things
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I actually did some work today-- the college writing team met up at the middle school, zoomed with our Rutgers liaison, and then planned out...
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Annoying Coincidence
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I need a bike and a car (but we're in a bike and car shortage).
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My Sternum Hurts (But Our Dished Are Clean)
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Yesterday, I removed a dead dishwasher and installed a new one-- and it works!-- but my sternum hurts (the same thing that happened to me wh...
More Bang for Your Butt?
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I got my fifty-year-old physical this week and the doctor was really pushing the colonoscopy-- I asked him about pooping in a box but he sai...
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Ouch (Momentarily)
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Just before my son and I were about to play tennis, a wasp (or a yellowjacket?) stung my ring finger-- and it really hurt-- but just for a m...
New (Old) Music
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I rerecorded an old song of mine with my new DAW (Logic) and my new AI mastering software (Ozone) and the AI drummer that comes with Logic a...
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Yuck
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After a lovely respite for vaccinated folks, mask-wearing is required again for all humans at the East Brunswick Library.
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Sci-Fi Twofer Tuesday
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I read two excellent sci-fi books recently, and they couldn't be more different in tone: 1) The Humans by Matt Haig is one of those &qu...
Epic Stuff for Old People
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I played a two hour plus tennis match today against my friend Cob-- I beat him handily in the first set, 6-1, but the second set kept going ...
Dammit
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Today is the day I stop drinking alcoholic beverages and eating cake/pie after six PM.
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Back and Narcoleptic
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We drove home from the beach today-- and on the way back we picked up Lola from the Barker Lounge-- and everyone was so tired from all the s...
The End of an Era . . .
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Our favorite dive bar in Sea Isle, the Springfield, is no longer-- it's now an outdoor tiki bar-- and so our favorite cover band-- LeCom...
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Once Upon a Times
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CHAOS: Charles Manson, the CIA, and the Secret History of the Sixties is Tom O'Neill's twenty year investigation of the Manson murde...
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Much Better
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It looks like my last post worked-- my blog can cancel weather!
Not Cool
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I am canceling the weather here in New Jersey.
In The Dark
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When Darkness Loves Us by Elizabeth Engstrom contains two weird novellas; in both stories, small-town life becomes even smaller-- the stori...
OBFT XXVIII
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The 28th annual Outer Banks Fishing Trip was yet again a great success, here are some things I remember: 1) Gormley and I crushed everyone a...
Knee Stuff
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I went to the knee doctor (Dr. Kinshasas Morton . . . who I also visited ten years ago!) but this time it was for my right knee and it seems...
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What Are the Chances? Fuhgetaboutit . . .
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I wish I was holed up in a taverna in Italy today-- how often does a nation have finalists in Wimbledon and the Euro Cup . . . on the same day?
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Somebody Had to Write It
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Though it's weird, trippy, and evocative-- with Vietnam flashbacks and spooky black magic in equal measure-- Herman Raucher's novel ...
Poker, I Don't Even Know Her . . .
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My son Alex and I both read Maria Konnikova's The Biggest Bluff-- and it inspired us to play some poker-- her story is compelling and i...
An Epic Hike and an Epic Ride to End an Epic Trip . . . But It Had to be the Shoes
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It rained some on Sunday, but we were able to take a nice hike with the dog along the old narrow-gauge railroad tracks in Sullivan . . . a...
The Auctioneer: A Good Book for Independence Day
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The Auctioneer was a brief bestseller in1975 and then promptly forgotten-- perhaps because the youngish author, Joan Samson, soon after di...
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Baby Seals Conquer Dave Jones' Locker
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We got up early this morning-- and it was COLD-- and we headed a few minutes up the road to Hancock Point Kayak Tours, which is an old coot ...
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The Other Side of Acadia
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The Schoodic Peninsula side of Acadia National Park reminds me of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon: equally scenic but more desolate and ex...
Dave = Winner
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Another hot day in Maine, so we didn't do any epic hikes-- instead, we explored the peninsulas and beaches in Hancock and Sorrento-- and...
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Back Up The Beehive (21 Years Later)
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Twenty-one years ago, my wife and I honeymooned in Bar Harbor-- and we stayed in a cottage, which was a step-up from our usual peanut-butt...
More Vehicular Woes! And a Nice Lake Swim . . .
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We made it up to Hancock, Maine without mishap-- stopping for Bissell Brothers beer and Salvage BBQ in Portland-- and while our rental is a ...
Too Much To Report
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I can't even begin to describe this, other than to say that we're extremely lucky and everyone is doing fine; but we are having some...
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Tennis
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Nothing much to report here, just a bunch of tennis (even my wife got out and hit!)
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Summer!
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Summer is here and it's already been fairly epic; -- me, the boys, and my brother attended my cousin's father-in-law's massive 2...
The Guest List: You'd Kill to be On It
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There were some fraternal hijinks at my wedding-- the boys "jammed' me into the Lawrencebrook for my blatant PDA with my new wife ....
Which America Do You Live In?
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George Packer's new article "The Four Americas" adds some much-needed precision to the usual polarization analysis; he divid...
Father's Day?
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Unlike Mother's Day-- which should probably receive an exclamatory flourish and be changed to Mother's Day!-- Father's Day would...
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It's Over . . .
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The weirdest and worst school year ever is behind us; the graduation ceremony turned out well-- we had a great mother/daughter speaking duo ...
Your Next Book Club Selection
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Grady Hendrix's The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires is his best book yet; it reminded me of the wonderful feeling I ...
Fightin' Zombies on Company Time
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If you haven't fought some zombies in a big room while wearing an Oculus, you've got to give it a whirl-- no lag, exhausting, comple...
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Best Exorcism Ever!
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If you're looking for a tale of 80s high school nostalgia and demonic possession, couched in a wonderful-- but grossly graphic-- story o...
Mask Optional?
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Masks are optional in my school now, but it seems like everyone is still wearing them-- staff and students alike, except me, the janitorial ...
Things Feel Normal Again . . .
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I didn't have to wear a mask today at school, I don't have to wear a mask in stores, Ian has people over for his birthday and Alex h...
Grady Hendrix = Weird Al?
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Grady Hendrix may just be the Weird Al of graphic horror literature-- at his best, Hendrix is magical and satirical and very funny, with an ...
I Hate the Heat
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I really despise the heat of summer (and so does my son Ian and so does our dog) so it made me really happy to google "I hate the heat&...
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Horrorstör!
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Horrorstör , by Grady Hendrix, is a winner; my son and I both read it in the span of five days . . . it's about a haunted IKEA-like stor...
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Cold > Heat
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We're having a heatwave here in Jersey, and while my wife had to work a full day in an elementary school with no A/C and no fans, I was ...
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Keeping Up with the Brainses
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Sarah Pinkser's new sci-fi novel We are Satellites has an A+ premise-; it's a detailed look at how one family deals with a new tech...
Go Nets, Make Me Fatter
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The length of televised American sporting events definitely contributes to our obesity . . . how do you make it all the way through 7:30 PM ...
No End to the Shit
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This morning when I was biking home (on my wife's bike because mine got stolen, probably because my younger son left it out in front of ...
Dave Has Some Reading to Do . . .
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All the books in my queue appeared at the library today-- so I've got some serious reading to do . . . feel free to join my book clu...
Hybrid . . . Ugh
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I'm having a tough time selecting a hybrid bike (my bike got stolen) as I have to sift through a myriad of models and features and price...
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I Get It, I'd Jump Too
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We had some coastal flooding in Donaldson Park this weekend, and the surging brackish tide left some fish in the park, which expired and bak...
Heart Attacks and Stolen Bikes
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Over the course of this rainy Memorial Day Weekend, the boys and I watched the weirdest Seinfeld episode ever-- "The Heart Attack"...
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Do You Live in Fantasyland?
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We live in a country where beliefs like this are the norm; Fantasyland: How America Went Haywire, A 500 Year History, by Kurt Andersen, ...
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