Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
5/3/2009
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I'm giving the second season of The Riches one million bloody hammers out of a possible five: Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver and all th...
5/2/2009
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After the fat man heard about the shark attack, he puffed his big cigar and said, "That's why I don't swim."
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5/1/2009
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Little did she know, but the young lady in the lane next to me (who was certainly a college-level swimmer, or possibly a professional swimme...
6 comments:
Last Wishes
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I would prefer not to die of the "swine flu," as there is nothing more embarrassing than people repeating "swine flu" ov...
2 comments:
4/29/2009
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I guess it is unusual for a dude to buy fabric by the yard at Wal-Mart, but I needed some thick material to staple to the plywood walls in m...
4/28/2009
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I see the appeal of Dancing with the Stars : the girls are really hot and scantily clad, so you can't stop watching because you want to...
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4/28/2009
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So my students are presenting various ethical dilemmas and how to resolve them, and a group of boys is presenting a case about plagiarism an...
3 comments:
4/27/2009
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Enough of this hot weather, I'm ready for winter again.
King of the Road
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I like to think that I'm a pretty calm driver, but this must not be genetic (or else my kids inherited some bad driving genes from my w...
4/25/2009
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Our neighbors (who were in their kitchen eating lunch) got a treat this weekend when they saw me trick Catherine into cutting my hair-- she ...
Peccary vs. Pessary
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The Group (by Mary McCarthy) is a frank book about eight Vassar girls in the 1930's who speak candidly about men, sex, contraception,...
You Fix One Thing . . .
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Let it be known that my bookshelves are done and painted-- but that means I have to remove the boxes and boxes of books that I stashed under...
A First For Dave (and Possibly All Men)
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I am very pleased with what maintenance did to the thermostat in my classroom during Spring Break; when I came back there was a note on th...
7 comments:
4/21/2009
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So it turns out yesterday was Earth Day, Pot Day (I looked up why, the legend is that a crew of California high school kids in the 70's ...
2 comments:
4/20/2009
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The other night we watched Vicky Christina Barcelona, which was quite good-- the studly Spanish painter teaches you how to pick up two beaut...
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4/19/2009
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While I was peeling a large ripe mango, my son Alex asked me: "What rhymes with mango?" and I impressed myself with the quantity a...
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This Guy's Picture Is In The Dictionary Under "Man"
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High marks for David Graham's new book The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon Forest (I give it eleven poisone...
4/17/2009
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Radio newscasters need transitions: "Beautiful day today, Going up to 62 with plenty of sunshine, unemployment is still on the rise in...
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Andre the Giant as a Thespian? Inconceivable!
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Yesterday, I was behind a green box truck with an official black and white sign on the back that read: INEDIBLE BAKED GOODS . . . this rem...
7 comments:
The Invention of Air: A Solid Review
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Steven Johnson's excellent new book The Invention of Air: A Story of Science, Faith, Revolution, and the Birth of America is mainly th...
9 comments:
Expectations vs. Reality
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The first morning of our vacation I got up early to read, and Alex woke up soon after and he told me his favorite part of the day was sunri...
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4/13/2009 I am back from vacation!
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Something NOT to do on vacation: go out for many beers with your old college buddies, wake up the next morning and eat two extremely dense ...
1 comment:
Momma Spanx . . . The Director's Cut
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When an attractive pregnant woman on the phone in the office politely asks "Do you have Momma Spanks ? The full length version?"...
A Rule To Live By
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You know you're getting the stomach-ache you deserve when your wife picks up a block of cheese that you left on the counter and says &q...
4/10/2009
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This semester my Creative Writing class is comprised of a bunch of girls: they hate it when I open all the windows and 90% of them know wha...
4/9/2009
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The apple doesn't fall far from the tree-- Alex said to me, "I don't know everything, Dad, but I know a lot."
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4/8/2009
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Although the Pulp song "Common People" is one of my favorites, Jarvis Cocker's premise has been refuted: there's plenty o...
4/7/2009
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The Spiderwick Chronicles is pretty good as far as those kind of movies go, better than Harry Potter, but it is definitely not for young ki...
4 comments:
4/6/2009
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I thought I had a lot in common with my nerdy students, but after seeing last Friday's "Collision" Dance Competition I realize...
4/5/2009
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Long ago, at a wine tasting festival in Virginia, I got a chance to meet Sam Snead-- I ambled into the tent, said, "Hey Sam, can you st...
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4/4/2009
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I was excited that my son Alex (5 years old) was holding his own in a game of chess with an older kid-- it was a new plateau, they were quie...
4/3/2009
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Some science-fiction reviews: Danny Boyle's Sunshine is pretty good, lots of slow paced space scenes like 2001 and some actual scienc...
4 comments:
Grown Men Should Not Possess Fruit Roll-ups
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Catastrophe averted: I removed a fruit roll-up from my shirt pocket just BEFORE I threw the shirt into the wash.
6 comments:
4/1/2009
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Bad news: I'm wrapping it up, I'm packing it in . . . I've got no more to say-- I've run out of ideas and my life isn't...
9 comments:
3/31/2009
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I left my car at the Grove Friday night, Catherine met me out after the Collision Dance Competition and when it was time to go, I thought it...
5 comments:
3/30/2009
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The Sentence of Dave now-- at no extra cost to you, the reader-- provides links to the opinion section of both The Wall Street Journal and t...
3/29/2009
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Senioritis has arrived: several of my seniors were trying to cover their second semester text book by wrapping (not taping) a single sheet ...
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3/28/2009
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My younger son Ian's reaction when Alex went to swim lessons but he did not (his age group was all filled up for this session) was awful...
3 comments:
Warning Warning.
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The warning for today's sentence may be unnecessarily ironic.
Irony Warning!
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The meaning of today's sentence may not be what it literally says! Dave might actually be content with his monotonous life! The events...
3/27/2009
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My life has been so boring and monotonous lately (get up early, practice the guitar, go to work, grade essays, come home, have a snack, play...
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3/26/2009
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In case anyone is concerned, my cyst wound is healing nicely, because I have good "tissue granulation," but maybe this was just th...
4 comments:
3/25/2009
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In these hard economic times, it is important to remember that there are two ways to look at any political issue, and it is also important t...
3/24/2009
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The ticket lady cautioned us that the Imax movie Sea Monsters was a bit scary, and I thought she was referring to the acting-- the B movie a...
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3/23/2009
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I am wondering just how angry I am supposed to get at my children when they do not listen to me; I know it's bad for my heart to get an...
3 comments:
3/22/2009
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It took thirty three years for me to learn that Evelyn Waugh was a man.
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3/21/2009
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A student told me this story yesterday, and it was so bad that I have reproduced it here verbatim: "Last night at work, I met this guy ...
3/20/2009
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Does anyone know where I put my banjo finger-picks?
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3/19/2009
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If there's one thing I've learned about politics from reading Nixonland: the rise of a president and the fracturing of America , it ...
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3/18/2009
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If you live each day like it is your last, then very soon one of them will be . . . if you live life to the fullest, soon you will be very f...
The Wrestler: This One Hit Me Below the Belt
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I give The Wrestler nineteen staple-gun wounds out of a possible twenty-- and it's worth seeing on the big screen because the movie is ...
Two Reasons to See Happy
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I give Mike Leigh's new movie Happy Go Lucky nine trampolines out of a possible ten-- it's very funny and the soundtrack reminds m...
3/15/2009
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We did a double take and then used the internet to check the facts, but it is sad but true-- the median price of a home sold in Detroit in D...
2 comments:
3/14/2009
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As my sophomores liked to nebulously state in their essays: Alexander Rodriguez and I are similar and different . . . we are similar becaus...
My Greatest Contribution to Western Culture
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Edison had his light-bulb, the Wright brothers their aeroplane, and Ben Franklin his eponymous stove . . . but I don't think I will eve...
5 comments:
3/12/2009
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My five year old son Alex told my wife that his friend Tiko said he "didn't like Jews" so they had an awkward and serious conv...
Kids Say the Darndest Crassest Things
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I thought the youth of today were crass, but check out this tasteless gem from Rick Perlstein's new weighty book on American politic...
4 comments:
3/10/2009
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Do other people, when they sample free meats, cheeses, and crackers from the enticing little bubble shaped displays at the grocery store, ch...
4 comments:
3/9/2009
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I attended the renowned middle school Potato Pancakes and Pierogie Party Friday night, and like the Polack of the joke, I did something very...
3/8/2009
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They must see some nasty shit at the doctor's office, because the phrase "healing nicely" and the giant open wound on my back ...
3/7/2009
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If Legally Blonde isn't your cup of tea, perhaps Piece of Cake is your rock of crack-- it's Cupcake Brown's memoir of life as ...
Arboriculture, Dave Style
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You know you're a real homeowner when you find yourself on your front lawn, armed with a football, duct-taped to a length of thick rope,...
13 comments:
3/5/2009
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This sentence is rated PG-13 for brief nudity (nothing too provocative, just my bare back, but I do have some hair growing there, so I thoug...
3/4/2009
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The one benefit I can see about getting old is-- simply through trial and error, time, and word of mouth-- we now know an honest contractor ...
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3/3/2009
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Some days you think of something brilliant to write-- such as The Dog Hollerer -- and sometimes you've got to steal someone else's s...
3 comments:
A Gross Present
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I share my birthday with a Cat named Seuss-- who, like all writers, liked his juice as I like mine, fermented and sweet . . . especially...
3 comments:
Very Specific Audience
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If you're looking for a novel where the protagonist is a doctor in the witness protection plan because he was once a hit-man for the mo...
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