Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
2/21/2009
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I'm trying something new, I'm starting this sentence with absolutely no idea, no topic, not a thought in my head, and I'm just g...
2 comments:
Why Whisper When you Can Holler?
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Last night, our next door neighbors went out for the evening and in the mad rush (they have five kids) they left their dog out and he was b...
7 comments:
2/19/2009
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My microwave oven was taking so long to melt the cheese on my tortilla chips (like 35 seconds!) that I had a snack while I was waiting for m...
2 comments:
I Think You'll Understand . . . I want to Read Your Sca-aaaan
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A funny sentence from Daniel Levitin's This is Your Brain on Music -- a book that has as much technical neuroscience as it does music th...
3 comments:
2/17/2009
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Random recollection from the surreal time before children: Catherine left my alone for the day, but when she came home I was in the same sp...
2/16/2009
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I gave up reading Netherland , a subtle novel about cricket and divorce in post 9-11 New York-- it was too subtle for me, perhaps someone ca...
2/15/2009
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I recommend Transiberian if you want to watch a fast-paced thriller set in an exotic locale, plus it has one of those hysterical movie conv...
4 comments:
2/14/2009
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My son Alex said that his friend's nanny died, and so I asked him if he told his friend he was sorry; Alex looked at me and said, "...
2/13/2009
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It made me happy that I put the drawer slides upside-down in our new TV stand, because I was forced to reach into the drawer recess and unsc...
4 comments:
I Unwittingly Give A Pregnant Student Anxiety
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You would think that after yesterday's debacle , I'd have learned my lesson, but today in Creative Writing class I was demonstratin...
2 comments:
There May Be Something Wrong With Me
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Warning: if your opinion of Dave is already low, this sentence may make it subterranean, so proceed at your own risk . . . yesterday was th...
Dave is Transitioning . . . Slowly
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After interviewing many friends, students, and co-workers, I have decided to switch to a Mac; I told my students it feels like I'm gett...
6 comments:
2/9/2009
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Building your own custom bookshelves is easy . . . you just saw the wood, sand it, and then screw it together . . . it's so easy it make...
2/8/2009
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Whenever it's under fifteen degrees, the driver side door of my 1994 Jeep Cherokee Sport freezes, and everyone in the school parking lot...
3 comments:
We're Number One! (In Middlesex County)
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Good news for my property values: New Jersey Monthly just came out with it's top one hundred high schools in New Jersey , and Highland...
2 comments:
My Apologies
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Yesterday, I got some kind of virus on my computer-- it did something weird to the blog and it made it impossible to surf the internet (ever...
5 comments:
2/6/2009
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One of the benefits of playing soccer is that it keeps you vigilant about your toe-nail maintenance.
Rule #1: Do Not Read War and Peace in Public
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I defeated the premise of sociologist Dalton Conley's new book Elsewhere USA : how we got from the company man, family dinners, and the...
6 comments:
2/4/2009
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So I'm at gymnastics, and Alex's class has begun, but Ian's class doesn't start for another ten minutes and so he's play...
3 comments:
2/3/2009
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Yesterday I wrote a lame sentence, and this is what Eric commented: "I usually wait until they make a movie about the Nobel or Pulitzer...
9 comments:
2/2/2009
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An irony of illusion and reality: nearly everyone can reel off the movies and actors that collected an Academy Award, but who can recall the...
7 comments:
Anti-social Notworking
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What Facebook needs (I'm not sure why I am prescribing this, since I don't have an account) is a list of enemies to complement the ...
1 comment:
A Sentence Wherein I Poorly Imitate Lester Bangs
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Hey kids, hipsters, dudes, etcetera, I've been dosing on the loopy speculations and discursive postulations of Lester Bangs-- the colle...
3 comments:
Snakehead = Coyote?
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Bad Traffic , the new crime novel by Simon Lewis, is supposedly the only UK book ever to receive a cover blurb by Elmore Leonard-- who call...
1 comment:
1/29/2009
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After reading this, you'll either have the urge to call DYFUS or the Patent Office: the other night we made the mistake of allowing our ...
2 comments:
1/28/2009
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You know you're living the high life when you buy the shredded cheese instead of grating it yourself.
3 comments:
1/27/2009
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I just read a conspiracy theory that claims that George Bush Jr. was actually a Manchurian Candidate type patsy placed in office by the DEMO...
This Makes Sense to a Three Year Old
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It was Sunday afternoon, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why my three-year-old son kept asking, "What about the movin...
2 comments:
A Better Ending For "I Am Legend"
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The word on the street is accurate about I Am Legend-- it's scary and apocalyptic, but the ending is abrupt and kind of lame-- but (spo...
3 comments:
Left Tackle Appreciation Day
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One of the marks of a good book is how stupid it makes you feel, and The Blind Side: Evolution of A Game ( by Michael Lewis, who also writ...
3 comments:
1/23/2009
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It was freezing in my house, and so I asked my four year old son if he was cold and suggested he put some socks on-- but I guess my job as a...
1/22/2009
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A first over the weekend, we made a trip to the Museum of Natural History without our kid-carrying backpacks-- Alex and Ian had to pull the...
3 comments:
How Many Hours In Are You?
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Finished the new Malcolm Gladwell book the other day-- and apparently, if someone asks you what you're reading and you reply in an enth...
5 comments:
1/20/2009
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While I was making coffee Monday morning, I remembered the classic bit in Airplane! when Jim surprises his wife because he asks for a secon...
2 comments:
1/19/2009
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There are brief moments in Redbelt where the movie is so Mamet it might be a parody of Mamet-- does he have to direct his actors to speak i...
1/18/2009
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Since my students read two essays that were essentially about lying, I though it appropriate that I fabricate a quotation in their writing p...
2 comments:
1/17/2009
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Just as when Proust's narrator (barely a narrator) eats the madeleine cake in Rembrance of Things Past, and it starts him down memory la...
2 comments:
1/16/2009
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Alex, Ian and I were rocking out to Neil Young's "Down by the River" in the car, until the lyrics got too disturbing and Alex...
6 comments:
1/15/2009
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I'm starting to worry that I'll write about the same thing I've written about in a previous sentence; I've produced more co...
4 comments:
1/14/2009
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I've been blogging long enough that the content of my sentences have exceeded the span my memory, and I'm worried I might repeat mys...
3 comments:
1/13/2009
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Although there was much naysaying and the intelligence of my source was doubted, it turned out that my information was good-- when I plugged...
5 comments:
Adults Say The Darndest Things
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I've been playing basketball on Sunday mornings at seven AM (it's the interim between outdoor and indoor soccer) and, while I waite...
2 comments:
1/11/2009
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Joseph Campbell said, "Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy," which I found to be true when I actual...
1/10/2009
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Next Alumni Day, I'm going to remember to wear a William and Mary shirt; this year I was walking punch-line, as I forgot to wear colleg...
1/9/2008
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Sometimes, when I'm looking stuff up on the Internet (names of actors, how to bend warped lumber, DLP vs. plasma vs. LCD vs. 1080p vs. 1...
4 comments:
1/8/2009
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We entered a new realm last night, a realm where me, my wife, and my three year old son can consume an entire large pizza (Alex didn't w...
4 comments:
1/7/2009
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I highly recommend Hurry Down Sunshine , a memoir by Michael Greenberg: he recounts when his fifteen year old daughter Sally suddenly became...
2 comments:
1/6/2009
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Yesterday was certainly the Monday to end all Mondays, but here's a fact to get you through: by the end of the month, the sun will be r...
1/5/2009
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If it wasn't for playing Rock Band on the Wii, I would have never known that Mick Jagger sings "war children" during "G...
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1/4/2009
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It's worth reading The Northern Clemency just to hear the British slang term "hairy bucket" used in context (the picture has ...
1/3/2009
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During our trip to Vermont, Ian (three years old) slept in the same room as Catherine and I; one night he woke us with the exclamation My M...
1/2/2009
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A friend got an iTouch for Christmas, and now, like Marion Barry was on crack, she is on the internet-- you can't say two words to her ...
How Big Is Your Set?
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My New Year's Resolution is 1080p, yes my set is bigger than Notorious B.I.G-- I'll plagiarize his rap because his words don't m...
So True
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In the middle of the night, nothing tastes better than a glass of cold tap water.
1 comment:
The Top Two Movie Lines of 2008!
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I know you've all been waiting with bated breath, and it's finally finished . . . Dave's Top Two Movie Lines of 2008 (one of t...
Double Parallel Movie Madness
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Two recommendations with parallels: Slumdog Millionaire is like City of God , but in Mumbai instead of Rio de Janeiro-- I give it sixteen m...
2 comments:
Three Firsts
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Three firsts yesterday: 1) Alex's first brazen and convincing lie . . . it was six A.M. and we were building the new Lego table and Ale...
Clever Incompetence
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Catherine decided to make chicken scarpariello for our giant Christmas Eve party-- it's chicken and sausage, with bell peppers, sweet an...
All the Cute Girls Live in Canada
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I've been telling this story to whoever will listen: a teacher who will remain nameless was walking around his class with a spur on his...
2 comments:
Low Rider on the High Ground
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Just finished reading Thomas Friedman's new book Hot, Flat, and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution-- and How It Can Renew America ...
Denetia? Internesia? Netheimers?
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I started to type "can you get HDTV with rabbit ears" into Google, but when I got as far as "can you get," Google listed...
3 comments:
Shoeless Muntazer
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The best thing George Bush has ever done, and I mean ever , is dodge those shoes-- but if I threw them, one of them would have found its tar...
4 comments:
The Laugh Track is Wack
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A student with good taste in television ( The Office , Madmen, Curb Your Enthusiasm ) convinced me to watch The Big Bang Theory ; I turned ...
4 comments:
A Good Retreat Is Better Than a Bad Stand
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It started funny but by the middle I just didn't get it, and so-- despite glowing reviews by James Joyce, Dylan Thomas and Graham Greene...
To 1080p or Not to 1080p?
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1080p or not 1080p, that is the question . . . and though it is far less profound than Hamlet's meditation on self-slaughter (but who wo...
4 comments:
Special Cake
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So my friend took this screwed up cake that his girlfriend was going to toss in the trash, and he decided to decorate it with whatever candy...
5 comments:
Nerding It Up
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Here's an example of the nerdy humor in my Shakespeare class-- and to get an idea of the kind of kids in this class, imagine this: once...
3 comments:
Legos . . . They Are a Trap
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I'll bet there's a negative correlation between time spent playing with Legos and "handiness"-- as a kid, I loved playing ...
3 comments:
Unnatural Action
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Two animal encounters: over the weekend: 1) while I was running along the Raritan, I saw a blue heron acting in a deranged manner, listing f...
4 comments:
Science!
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Last night I learned that the best free thing ever (besides sex, which is never really free , but that's another sentence) is the annual...
5 comments:
Xmas Anxiety Reprieve and Return
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While Catherine was away on her fifth grade camping trip last week, I felt like a Hindu or a Muslim or a Jew-- no Christmas anxiety; the k...
3 comments:
Reading Time!
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We sold our TV last night-- and the kids were pretty good about it, considering they were right in the middle of "The Black Cauldron&qu...
4 comments:
Who Is That Dancing Bald Man?
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Tropic Thunder is best viewed without knowing the cast: it took me half the movie to recognize a couple of the actors (and, despite Ben Stil...
2 comments:
Plants/Birds/Rocks/Things/Heat/Hot
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I was feeling pretty bad about the quality and content of yesterday's sentence, until I turned on the radio and heard the second worst s...
2 comments:
I Go Out On A Limb . . . A Nerdy Limb
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I know it's controversial, but I told my students anyway because I'm that kind of guy-- if I have an opinion, I speak it and let th...
4 comments:
Talking With Himself
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I assumed once the addition was done and we were able to use the new dining room, our children would start saying things like "Mother, ...
Peeing Etiquette and a Peeing Paradox
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A woman in our department (Kristyna) is pregnant with her first child-- and it's a boy-- and she's definitely the feminine type, so ...
3 comments:
The Evolution of Beer Pong
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Catherine and I played beer pong for the first time on Friday night (or the new version of the game, I remember a game we played with cups o...
4 comments:
Bow Down to the Master Dave
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Once again, I bow to the master: David Sedaris is the King of the Sentence; though I must admit that at the start of his new book, When Yo...
You Just Opened Your Gift!
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It's the holiday season again, and normally I am wracked by guilt because I know I need to get people gifts and I never do (my wife take...
1 comment:
Hey Joe
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At school, a small middle-aged man with glasses has been saying "Good morning Dave" to me for several years now, and this has been...
5 comments:
No Cake For Me
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There was chocolate cake in the fridge last night and I thought about eating it, but-- get this-- I did not eat it . . . amazing, but true-...
5 comments:
What's the Only Thing Better Than One Fox?
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While walking back from A&P yesterday, a bright red fox walked across my path (I followed him across the soccer fields just to confirm ...
3 comments:
Mumbai Multitasking
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It's official: the Giants are so good they're boring; I yearn for the days of Butch Woolfolk (that was exciting football, in 1983 Wo...
7 comments:
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