Shooting the Shit (head) at the Dog Park




One of the joys of having a dog is visiting the dog park and chatting with the weird mammals that bring their pets; a few days ago, during an early morning visit, I spoke with a nice heavyset lady with a frilly white hat, who was accompanied by her demurely dressed teenage daughter; the nice lady with the hat informed me that her dog's name was Bash-- short for Sebastian-- and she said that Sebastian was the name the shelter gave this Bassett hound but that was NOT a good name, too long, but that Bash was a good name, so they shorted it-- but I thought to myself, that's not good name . . . a good dog name has two syllables, so when you call the dog you don't sound like an idiot: Lola is fine . . . LOOOO LAAAAAA . . . but Bash doesn't work . . . BAAAAA --  AAAAASH . . . it's awkward-- and then she alluded to their original idea for a name for their hound, and she called this original idea the "bad name" and she turned to her daughter and said, "Should we tell him the bad name? No, we probably shouldn't," and I left the comment alone-- it was weird-- but the lady in the frilly hat seemed determined to perseverate on this topic of the "bad name" and though I feigned disinterest, she told me anyway; "We were going to call him Blow-Dog but we decided that wasn't very nice," and then she turned to her daughter and said, "Right? Blow-dog wouldn't be a nice name . . . but it's funny!" and I didn't know how to react-- it was 6:45 AM and this nice lady in a frilly hat was talking about fellatio in front of her daughter, so I said, "Reminds me of the name of the dog in The Jerk . . . that movie with Steve Martin?" but the allusion was lost on them so Lola and I beat a hasty retreat out the gate.

10 comments:

Marls said...

Barclay agrees with your two syllable dog naming convention.

Dave said...

who is barclay?

Dave said...

your dog?

Marls said...

Yep. He thinks that this is a fantastic, beautiful sentence.

Whitney said...

Dorkiest comment thread of the year

Dave said...

doggiest comment thread of the year!

zman said...

Wasn't Barclay the giant dog on Sesame Street?

Marls said...

I believe it was spelled Barkley, but yes.

Whitney said...

Yeah. He dispensed with the snootitude. Unlike some dogs.

Dave said...

i am NOT pronouncing "barclay" the same as barkley. you say barclay with a british accent.

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