The Snakeskin Shirt

Today I present you with the miraculously serendipitous sequel to "The Scarlet Sweater." The blessed event happened on the same day as my revelation that Ugly Xmas Sweaters are the spawn of the Satanic Mill. Coincidental? I think not.

A senior girl walked into my 4th period College Writing class and she was wearing a shirt with a fantastic reptilian pattern.

"You're a lizard!" I said, excited. I love lizards

"It's not a lizard, it's a diamondback rattlesnake pattern," she said. "I got it from SHEIN for five dollars!"

"Five dollars?"

"FIVE dollars!"

"You need to listen to this."

This was the best set-up for a clip in my entire teaching career. Just perfect. I told the class the good news about the five dollar shirt and then I played this Maria Bamford bit for them (I transcribed it as well).

Joy Whack-a-mole

This is a little game you can play with your friends and family-- if you don't already play it-- in my family we call it Joy Whack-a Mole . . ..somebody brings up something they're really happy about and the other person tries to SLAM IT DOWN!

I was playing with my dad and I was like: 

"Dad check out this new top!"

"Ooh that's very nice."

 "Guess how much?"

"I don't know, fifty bucks?"

"No, Five!"

"Jesus, that's a good deal."

"You got that right, it's like 'five bucks,' how do they do it?"

"Ooh, I was reading about that . . . slavery! You put the manufacturing out in these countries and there's no labor laws, human rights violations, no environmental protection, and then that they pass that saving on to you."