The Scarlet Sweater

I try to keep my Xmas Ranting at a minimum (except in Philosophy class, where we always read my favorite Dave-Xmas-Rant themed short story "The Ones That Walk Away From Omelas" and discuss child labor laws and pathological First World consumption and Third World environmental devastation in a utilitarian framework).

But Friday something I heard in the English Office set me off. It was officially "ugly Christmas sweater day" and lots of folks were participating in this administratively sanctioned event (it might have been called "ugly Holiday sweater day" to preserve the separation of Church and State . . . I'm not sure).

Anyway, at first my attitude was "whatever." If people like this kind of thing, who am I to criticize? I haven't worn a sweater since the 90s because they're itchy and hot and the sleeves are stupid. But maybe some people like being itchy and hot and dipping their sleeves covered into their lunch while they're eating it.

Then I saw something that piqued my interest. A couple of people were wearing ugly Xmas hoodies, and this was something new. Kristyna, a fellow English teacher, was wearing an incredibly ugly hoody. Just hideous. It was covered in very detailed, photographic quality Xmas ornaments. It was busy and loud and had that plastic sheen of a new hoodie made of some fabric that was more fossil-fuel than cotton.

I asked her how she acquired it and she said her dad had bought it, possibly as a joke, but it didn't fit him. We chatted about sizes and the ugliness of the hoody and then it struck me:

He bought it as a joke?

All of these ugly sweaters were bought as jokes. To be worn once. Yuck.

Yikes.

In America, we're so rich and entitled and wasteful and profligate and materialistic that we buy things as jokes. Instead of making jokes, with words-- and by the way, words don't consume any fossil fuels-- we buy jokes. Silly mugs and tchotchkes and ugly sweaters. It's bad enough that we buy all the stuff that we "need." But we also buy stuff that we don't need. And then-- in a final spasm of determination to consume every resource on this planet-- we buy jokes.

I had just watched this episode of Patriot Act, so I was a bit wound up about American clothing consumption.

We buy so so many clothes in America it's actually disgusting. They're made in Asia, and it's an environmental nightmare. Clothes take a lot of water to make. They pollute the water. They release toxic fumes in the air. The dyes are damaging to the environment. The workers toil in windowless rooms full of these fumes. They are often young and underpaid. But we're addicted to fast fashion and cheap clothes. So be it. I understand the motivation, to look good, and to look various. I'm always appreciative when my wife or the ladies in the English office are well-dressed. I wear the same clothes over and over again and it's boring. I get it. Not everyone wants to be boring. For some people, fashion is a hobby, an expression of who they are. Fine.

But do we need to buy clothing as a joke?

I think that "ugly sweater day" is a place to draw the line in the sand. If your workplace has one, rant a bit, indignantly. Tell people to watch Patriot Act "The Ugly Truth of Fast Fashion." And tell them to start wearing that scarlet sweater-- that shameful symbol of First World materialism run rampant-- more than one day a year. Own it and appreciate it for exactly what it is.