Sentence of Dave

The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)

Teacher of the Year

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Sometimes being a great teacher is about what you DON'T do . . . the other morning I was using my guitar to illustrate how form often ...
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Exercise Your Right To Plagiarize . . . or Plagiarize Your Right To Exercise?

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I often see people doing interesting exercises at the gym -- sometimes with weights, sometimes on the mats, sometimes with unusual equipme...
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A Question for Counsel

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On Friday afternoon, my son Alex-- who is almost eight years old and fully literate, and who has been warned many times not to play with...
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Yikes

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Last Wednesday, I drove all the way from New Brunswick to Highland Park with my car door open . . . this is partly because my Jeep is so lou...
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Serpentine!

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I am teaching my dog Sirius to heel-- which essentially means that he needs to stay on my left side with his front legs even with me and h...
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Dave Invents Keyboard Therapy!

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I am having trouble expressing how angry I am with words fit to print on a family-friendly blog, and I don't want to resort to kicking m...
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Sometimes It's Best To Keep Quiet

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So on Monday, my wife and I took separate cars to the LA Fitness because I had to leave before her, and while I was walking across the park...
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Your Secret is NOT Safe With Me

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This is a long one, but if you're a fan of awkward moments and bad decisions , then it might be worth your time: once we finish Act II o...
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Fecal Paradox

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Due to lack of snow, the Canadian geese never left the park by my house this winter, and so the fields and paths are a shit-stained mess, ex...
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Polar Plunge 2012: Time to "Mose Up"

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I have reported before on my wife's tendency to mix metaphors -- and she's been in rare form lately, creating new idioms such as shi...

Attention Lorne Michaels: Free Comedy Sketch!

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My friend Igor wrote a scathing critique of The Grammys the other day, and it gave me an idea for a gut-bustingly funny comedy sketch . . ....

What Do Todd Margaret And Tommy Saxondale Have in Common?

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The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret is another TV program that belongs in the "Dave Thinks It's Hysterical But His W...
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Would This Happen If I Were Driving A Mini-Van?

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Someday I'm going to man-up and buy a new car-- most likely a mini-van -- and although it will be convenient and wonderful to have slidi...
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One of the Benefits of Growing Old

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Twenty years from now, my only hope is that people will refer to me as a "character" instead of an "idiot."
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This Is Why I Don't Drink Milk or Argue With Women

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The other day in the English office, my friend and colleague Rachel claimed that her breast milk "turned green" when she ate a lo...
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Christmas Serenity . . . for Now

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Though I loved this particular piece of anti-Xmas art, I am proud to say that I had no annual Christmas melt-down this year-- I may have ra...
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Six of One, 3.85 Fixed Rate APR of the Other . . .

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Though the result is essentially the same, I think I'd rather rob my bank rather than go through the hassle of refinancing my mortgage...

Does A.D. Mean Alcohol Dependent?

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And without the discovery of fermentation, would we have already conquered the stars?
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Does B.C. Mean Before Caffeine?

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Without the benefits of coffee, would mankind still be in the dark ages?
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Alan Moore: Predictable and Amusing (Just Like Me)

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DC Comics is planning to release a seven comic book mini-series prequel to the unparalleled comic masterpiece Watchmen , and (according to T...
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