Sentence of Dave

The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)

Gust Avrakotos' War?

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Despite Tom Hanks (who is a tool, and always plays himself) and Julia Roberts (who is weird looking and affected and always plays herself), ...
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And Groundhogs Will Try That Long Preserved Virginity

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Yesterday, on the drive home from the beach, Catherine and I saw something neither of us had ever seen before: a fat groundhog perched atop ...

Willa Cather Knows Electric Cars?

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I'm reading Willa Cather's One of Ours -- which was published in 1922-- and without any fanfare, in a line of description about the...

Dave Wrote This Sometime or Other

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I want to assure everyone (especially super-fans Squirrel and Whitney) that these sentences are as fresh as if they were just plucked from t...
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Dave Exorcises Junk Food Demons (and Sinks the Shot)

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Yesterday, there was a giant spread of junk food in the English office, and as usual, I was drawn to the worst thing on the table-- a box of...
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Flattery + Humor = Parody

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Someone drew the notable events of the year on the message board in the English office, and the parody of my blog went like this: "So I...

I Coin A Word: Tupperawareness

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Time to get all sniglety:  some people possess a special ability to precisely gauge which plastic container is the right size to store the l...
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Dave Gets a Little Smarter

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Thirty eight years living on this planet, and still so much to learn-- in the last two weeks I learned three things: 1) there are flying squ...
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Fuck You, BB&T Banking

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A proud moment: we received a post-card from BB&T Banking saying that we have only one more car payment on the Subaru . . . BUT if we a...

Magical Moonlit Moose Sighting

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Summer has begun, and it makes me recall my most vivid memory of last summer: my friend Rob and I were driving back up Bolton Mountain afte...

Hey Internet! Write This Novel!

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Here's a terrible idea for a novel:  the internet becomes so large and complex that it attains consciousness and starts writing e-mails ...
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Life Imitates Art?

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Life imitates art (or what Whitney and I call art, but the rest of the world calls dreck)-- and it answers an ethical question as well: in a...
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Focus Is Everything

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Several days ago I mentioned the fact that my son Ian shares a birthday with the Olsen twins, and I posted an alluring picture of the twin...

Do Cremains Inspire Brand Loyalty?

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Although Stacey thought that Dr. Fredric J. Baur (the inventor of the Pringles can) was buried in a Pringle-can shaped sarcophagus, that was...
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Dave Knows How to Steal Wry Observations (From the Population at Large)

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When I began this blog, I thought my sentences would be full of wry observations (e.g. How would the convenience store 7-11 have reacted i...
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Bosky Stringfellows

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If you don't mind sacrificing your sunny disposition, read about the Stringfellow Acid Pits-- I just read the story in an anthology call...

Dave Knows How to Behave in Line at the Pharmacy

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Although I have never seen an episode of Full House, I do know that when you get to the head of the line at the pharmacy-- especially a lon...

Happy Birthday . . . Ian, Mary-Kate, Ashley, and William Butler Yeats

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Ian turns three today; if he were a bit older (notice my use of the subjunctive tense) he would be able to rap with the Olsen twins about s...
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The Early Bird is Annoying

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The nice thing about sleeping with the air-conditioner on (besides the fact that it keeps you cool) is that you don't hear the birds in ...

Harbinger or a Test?

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To do my part for the planet, I've sworn off consuming large mammals for a few months, but when I unwrapped my number 29 from The Park D...
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