Sentence of Dave
The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Get Stung in the Testicles
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Sports can often be a weird exercise in futility: you practice and practice but never get to use your skills in the perfect situation (unlik...
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Pronouncement of Dave
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Though I'm using an extremely small sample size and only anecdotal evidence, I am officially declaring that the Fitbit Craze is now over...
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This Should Be an Olympic Event
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Usain Bolt might be fast enough to inflate all four of his car tires to the recommended PSI in one three minute session, but I always fall a...
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Yesterday Was NOT Groundhog Day
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I have a short window of time (30 minutes) between the end of the school day and soccer practice, and my house is right next to the middle s...
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Awkward Dave Learns Why Dreams are Stupid and Mean Nothing
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I had an incredibly "realistic" dream last night that I ran for governor (absurd) and actually won the election (ridiculous) and t...
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The Test 62: History and Futility
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This week on The Test, I challenge the ladies with a rather grim thought experiment (thanks to Chuck Klosterman) and while they perform adm...
Postcards from the Dead
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My friend and colleague Stacey has to sort out a morbid holiday dilemma . . . she made a family-photo Christmas card last year, printed a st...
Are These Pants Blue or Black?
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They should write the color of the clothing on the tag.
I Might Be From Pungudutivu
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J. D. Salinger waits until chapter five to reveal that Holden Caulfield's brother Allie died of leukemia-- and this is an excellent char...
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Let's Do the Time Suck Again
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When I first enter my classroom in the morning, the amount of time I spend opening difficult to access windows-- actual glass windows that I...
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R.I.P. Greasetruck Studios . . .
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It looks like the desktop computer and digital audio converter in my makeshift music studio have finally bitten the dust . . . I've resu...
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Give Us This Nada Our Daily Nada
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I recognize the absurdity of a blog about nothing commenting on a TV show about nothing, but Seinfeld is actually about everything (and ...
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The Test 61: Nicknames
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Stacey brings the pain this week on The Test with her quiz on nicknames, and Cunningham and I mainly flail-- especially when we are trying ...
Throw Caution to the Wind: Don't Look Either Way
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I take in pride in entering crosswalks without glancing at the oncoming vehicles-- I'm not going to deign to "ask permission" ...
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Spooky Etiquette
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When people at my place of work--mainly women-- are talking about contacting spirits, receiving signs from the afterlife, and decoding messa...
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Common Kowledge?
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Everyone knows that Kilgore Trout is Philip K. Dick, right?
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This Is Lame
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I'm too tired from Two-practice-Tuesday to think of anything creative and interesting to write, but I did write a piece (with multiple s...
Dave Nearly Receives a Darwin Award (Yikes)
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This event happened Friday afternoon, but I totally repressed the memory-- I told no other human about it, and it would have sunk deep into ...
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Duct Tape + Dave = Lazy
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Here are four things I recently "fixed" and/or "installed" with duct tape, instead of doing the job properly: 1) I &qu...
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To Be or Not To H20
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The ultimate existential dilemma is not "to be or not to be" nor is it "is the bathroom very very wet after my children showe...
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You Probably Had to Be There (But F#$@ It)
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If this sentence is a failure, then I apologize in advance, but I'm going to try to capture one of those tiny, humorous moments that mak...
Ambiguities and Aesthetics (of Bumper Stickers)
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I apologize for the tardiness of this sentence, and all I've got is more bumper sticker stuff, but, as they say, better late than never...
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Truly Madly Frustrating
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Let me begin this rather critical review by saying that I love Liane Moriarty's precise prose, her mathematical plotting, and the fact t...
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Dave Endorses Taco Trucks on Every Corner
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I'm sure diligent readers of Sentence of Dave remember my incredible 2011 Taco Count, but for those of you who don't, here's ...
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The Test 60: Let's Get Biblical, Biblical
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Summer is over, thus it is time to go Old Testament on yo' ass . . . so tune in, keep score, learn why God was so goddamned angry back...
Dave Labors to Complete Summer
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So I'd like to assure everyone that the summer is complete-- diligent readers might be worried, but yes I saw Lecompt at the Springfield...
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Quest for Frog
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I was driving down Woodbridge Avenue Thursday afternoon, behind an ancient Honda Accord that sported three bumper stickers: 1) Don't S...
Teachers, The Ethics of Waiting in Line, and Why Dave Is a Great Humanitarian
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The PTSA always provides the teachers with a nice spread of food on the first day back, so we can load up before the endless meetings; this ...
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Prepare to Be Confused, Then Outraged, Then Confused Again
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You may have heard some news about the exorbitant price increase for the Epipen, the ubiquitous life-saving anaphylaxis injection, and ...
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Imminent Narcoleptic Apocalypse
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I've taken a nap nearly every day this summer, and now the school year is approaching and I am full of dread and anxiety . . . how am I ...
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I'm Only Responsible for 20% of this Post
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You'll have to head over to Gheorghe:The Blog today to get your daily dose of Dave . . . but I warn you: there are philosophical musing...
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Two Vacation Complaints
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We had a great vacation with friends in Sea Isle City, but I know you don't want to hear about that (or you'd be wandering around on...
The Test 59: A Cult Classic
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This week on The Test , Cunningham uses her quiz on cults to whip Stacey and I into a fervently rapturous passion . . . so give it a list...
Two Things I learned at the Pool Yesterday (Both Explosive)
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The first thing I learned at the pool yesterday is that if you put enough rubber bands around a watermelon, it will explode . . . my wif...
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Alfred Hitchcock Presents . . . The Flies
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I certainly can't complain about the weather on our trip to Sea Isle City, but after an idyllic six days of ocean breezes and warm water...
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You Can Tune a Piano, But You Can't Identify Half of a Fish
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My son Ian caught a little flat fish in his net today, but it looked like half of a fish, just a swimming head . . . and it had red spikes o...
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Whitesnake Foretells the Future
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I finished two books at the beach yesterday, both on the the theme of human nature, and one was inspirational and disconcerting and the othe...
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One Upping ad Infinitum
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You have probably witnessed some one-upmanship , or been the victim of a one-upper, or possibly even one-upped someone yourself, but this on...
A Surveyor, an Anthropologist, a Psychologist, and a Biologist Walk into a Bar
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Jeff Vandermeer's sci-fi novel Annihilation certainly owes some of its tone and plot to the Strugatsky Brothers cult classic Roadside P...
Thank You Netflix!
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The Netflix series Stranger Things succeeded where I failed, and convinced my kids that The Clash is the only band that matters.
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Cult Classics . . . You Get My Drift?
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During a recent recording session for The Test, we discussed the definition of a "cult classic" and the idea that cult classic...
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The Future Hasn't Happened Yet
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In one corner, you've got Robert Gordon claiming that American growth is over-- the greatest technological leaps happened between 1870 ...
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Lesson Learned . . . The Hard Way
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On Tuesday, my son Alex learned that you can't stand behind someone and talk to them while they are hitting tennis balls (Ian's rack...
The Upside of Genocide
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Sentence of Dave does not endorse the act of genocide (although Dave occasionally endorses arachnicide, particularly in the film Starship Tr...
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Sorry Chuck, The Inevitable is Coming
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Chuck Klosterman concludes his book But What If We're Wrong? Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past with this thought: &quo...
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Telekinetic Kids
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Not only does my son look like Eleven from Stranger Things , but he can also levitate objects with his mind (and feet).
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The Test 58: Can You?
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This week on The Test , Stacey puts Cunningham and me on the spot . . . and while we occasionally perform admirably, there's plenty of f...
The Tale of Dave's Consciousness and the Red XLR
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On the way to the Outer Banks, I saw a red Cadillac XLR with vanity plates that said "Red XLR," and my first reaction was critical...
Who is Rude? Dave or Catherine? You Be the Judge!
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When two married teachers occupy the same space in the summertime, there are bound to be conflicts (and they will usually center around the ...
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The Test 57: Love Me Some Elevators
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This week on The Test , the ladies reveal that they have something in common with Aerosmith: an inordinate passion for vertical people ...
Blue Pill AND Red Pill in One Podcast
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The current political climate is coloring everything I listen to, and so when The Magic Bureaucrat and his Riverside Miracle , an episode of...
Taking the Purple Pill: Trying to Step Outside the Moral Matrix
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This sentence is going to be a random, stream-of-consciousness mess, but I think (for once) my form fits my function: lately, I have been ...
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Two Books with White Covers (Both Containing Allusions)
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I recently finished two new books with white covers: But What If We're Wrong? Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past by Chuc...
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OBFT XXIII
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Another successful Outer Banks Fishing Trip . . . thanks to Whitney and everyone else on this year's rather light team of fishermen . ....
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The Agricultural Revolution: It Was a Trap
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One of the controversial, mind-bending Guns, Germs and Steel type ideas in Yuval Noah Harari's book Sapiens: A Brief History of Hu...
Dave Collects Forms, Finally Reaches Adulthood
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Four years ago, I volunteered to coach my son's travel soccer team, and I felt mature and responsible and civic-minded . . . I'm hel...
Second Tier Time Machine Suggestions
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If you had access to a time machine and you could visit any two events in the past (without altering them) I've always espoused that you...
Craft Beer or Crafty Beer?
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If you like Ballast Point Grapefruit Sculpin and think you're a craft beer connoisseur, then I recommend you cleanse your palate and lis...
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It's Fun to Think About How Wrong We Are
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The premise of Chuck Klosterman's new book But What If We're Wrong?: Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past is stated suc...
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Flower Power India Pale Ale . . . Yuck
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The United States led the world in hops production in 2015, surpassing Germany for only the third time ever, and the majority of these hops ...
The Test 56: Politics, Naps, and Canine Mating Rituals
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This week on The Test , Cunningam asks some pointed political questions-- both general and germane-- and Stacey, God and I do our best to ...
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