The Slow Horses Universe (Like the Marvel Universe, Except Opposite)

If you love the TV series Slow Horses, give one of Mick Herron's novels that inspired the show a try-- I'm reading his ninth book in the series now, Clown Town, and it's both excellent as a standalone novel and wonderfully evocative of the TV show itself—at this point, I imagine the characters in his books as the actors that portray them in the series, and Gary Oldman's portrayal of Jackson Lamb reigns supreme; here are a few of his insults, wisecracks, and observations from the novel . . . I can see these being taken directly from the book to a script:

Diana Taverner: "My God, Jackson, do you ever think about losing weight?"

Jackson Lamb: "Yeah, once a week I take an extra-big dump . . . keeps me trim."

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River Cartwright: "Taverner used Sid as a sock puppet. Me too."

Jackson Lamb: "Well, that's better than using you as a toilet brush, which would have been my choice."

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Diana Taverner: "So long as they do their job, that's all I ask. Do their job and not bother me with their millennial whimpering."

Jackson Lamb: "It's touching the bond you share with them . . . I don't know whether to cry or tug myself off."

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Diana Taverner, about River Cartwright's return to Slough House: "He won't pass the medical."

Jackson Lamb: "They've introduced an IQ test?"

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Diana Taverner: "Something else you should know."

Jackson Lamb: For fuck's sake, what is this, Columbo?"

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Jackson Lamb: "This is a nice bottle of Talisker. You never get me Talisker. Why did you get me such a nice bottle of Talisker?"

Diana Taverner: "Why do you keep calling it by name?"

Jackson Lamb: "These products won't place themselves."