Caucasian Quiz

Now that Black History month is over (although my BHM book club carries on-- I'm in the middle of Walter Mosley's The Red Death) I'll switch gears and offer up something for the Caucasians. A Caucasian quiz.

This quiz will determine just how white you are. It's two questions:


1) Have you heard of the Far Hills Steeplechase?

2) Have you attended the Far Hills Steeplechase?

If you answered yes to question number one, you are probably white. If you answered yes to question number two, then you are most definitely white.

Apparently, I am not quite white.

When we were driving home from Vermont, my high school buddy Neil-- who now lives in Warren and is as white as they come-- pointed out the grounds for the Far Hills Steeplechase.

"I get out of town during that mess," he said. "So many drunk people."

"Far Hills Steeplechase? What's that?'

"You've never heard of the Far Hills Steeplechase?"

"Nope."

"Really? That's crazy."

I turned to my buddy Mose, who grew up with me in North Brunswick and now lives in the thriving metropolis of Milltown, New Jersey. He's an IT guy with GAS (Gear Acquisition Syndrome). He's a total nerd. He had just spent the last twenty minutes explaining to me the difference between cardioid and condenser microphones.

"Mose, have YOU ever heard of the Far Hills Steeplechase?"

"Oh yeah, I've been the last five or six years. A vendor brings me."

What the fuck?

I've been missing out on the wildest drunkest hedonistic festival of rich white folks for my entire adult life. And it's right up the road. Twenty miles from Highland Park. Thirty-five minutes.

Why hasn't anyone invited ME to the Far Hills Steeplechase?

I did some research, and pretty much nobody at my school-- students and teachers alike-- had ever heard of the Far Hills Steeplechase. Only one woman, who is very blonde and white and grew up in Princeton and attended private boarding school, had any knowledge of the event. She attended it regularly in her 20s.

I also checked with the pub crowd. My friend Paul had heard of it. Some white people told him about it (but he's Spanish and hails from Bayonne, so he's not allowed to attend).  My friend Connell was clueless and downright angry. he loves any kind of wild party. He's determined to go. My takeaway is that Middlesex County is NOT invited to this event..

                         

The descriptions of the event are epic and hysterical. You should check them out. There is  massive alcohol consumption, ranging from keg stands to champagne chugging to ice luges. I missed it all. And now I'm too old for that shit.

Oh well. I had some great times at Ag Field Day.