The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Will Dave Remain a Hero Once Dinner is Served?
I'd like to note for posterity that I've been fairly heroic on the homefront the past couple of days: today I planted my second apple tree, so not only am I saving the environment in that matter (trees are carbon sinks and help with particulate matter and global warming) but in three or four years time, I'll be abrogating the supply chain and eating local apples; in addition, last night I went grocery shopping and bought the ingredients for a recipe that Catherine once made that I really liked (Turkey Kofte with Apple Raita and Spinach) and I'm in the middle of making it right now (sort of . . . I'm taking a well-deserved beer break) and I'm really cruising along (although I did screw up last night, I bought shitty spinach, so Catherine has to stop at the store today to buy good spinach, but to make up for that, I just mushed up the spices and oil and garlic and tomato paste and parsley with ground turkey in a big bowl with my bare hands, which is very heroic of me, because I don't like to get my hands moist) and all these chores are filler, because my most epic deed happened yesterday, when I broke the malevolent dish cycle that had us in it's evil suffocating taloned grip-- day after day, there were so many dirty dishes in our sink that even when we ran the dishwasher in the afternoon, there was still a sinkful of filthy, slimy dishes in the morning, and these morning dishes persevered until the next afternoon . . . so yesterday after school, the kids and I emptied and ran the dishwasher twice (and I cleaned some pots and pans) and this Herculean effort was enough to clean the stables, as they said in ancient Greece, and while I'm feeling quite proud about all this, I'm also considering the fact that this delicious recipe is going to be one of those meals that my kids try and then one of them is going to cavalierly say, "I don't really like it" and because I've done all this good stuff, I'm going to get all indignant and righteous and lose my shit and beat that child with my clogs (and the other child, seeing this violence, will eat the food, of course . . . but will he eat it because he likes it, or because he doesn't want to get beaten with a clog?)
It really just sounds like you are doing your fair share around the house. I’m not sure how that’s heroic vs the acceptable bare minimum.
ReplyDeleteWhat nobody gives Dave enough credit for is being able to continually toot his own horn while patting himself on the back so vigorously. The sheer dexterity!
ReplyDeleteClogs are cool, really, they are.
ReplyDeleteI have a walnut tree that sheds walnuts almost every year but I have never been able to eat a single one because the squirrels sit in the tree and day and eat them, raining squirrel-spit-flecked walnut shells onto my lawn. All this is to say, good luck with your apples.
i heard the squirrels are going to eat my apples, and so-- if necessary-- i might do some heroic poisoning. it's not like i'm walter white-- a squirrel isn't a child.
ReplyDeleteand everyone loved my meal-- i'm killing it lately. which means my fall is going to be fast and hard . . .
Because you'll trip in your clogs?
ReplyDeletemy clogs have rubber soles. in fact, i think they are all rubber.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.amazon.com/OOFOS-Oocloog-Clog-Unisex-OOcloog/dp/B0163IMC26
they are sweet (but they make my feet sweat)
Didn’t you mock Hightower for wearing clogs in the 1990’s?
ReplyDeleteWait...Dave actually wears clogs?!? I thought that was some vague Luddite reference and not an actual admission of clog wearing. Do you jam yourself before putting them on or right after you take them off?
ReplyDeleteOh, they're rubber clogs. That makes sense, much more eco-friendly than leather and wood. Drill some holes in them to get more air circulation. I assume your feet sweat so much because you're wearing them while clog dancing.
ReplyDeletethis is the most perfect intersection of highland park’s post-hippie culture and dave’s fashion insensibility.
ReplyDeleteAnd what did you do with all the dishes you used to make this meal?
ReplyDeletei wear my clogs to assuage my plantar fasciitis. i often wear them with socks. OOFOS clogs are great for your feet.
ReplyDeletei have not washed the dishes, because i've got to tone it down. i don't want to raise expectations too high. once in a while, i do a bunch of stuff, then i go back to normal. it's the only way to play it.
that was dave, not a talking garden.
ReplyDeleteI guess you're taking today off? Perhaps to bask in all the comments yesterday's sentence generated?
ReplyDeleteno, i got lost in an epic sentence
ReplyDelete