A Valentine's Sentence for my Wife


Catherine and I decided to forego chocolate this year (because we're both dieting and sugar is the devil incarnate) and we've got no money for expensive gifts (the veterinary bill took care of our expendable cash) so this Valentine's Day, I'm going to give my wife something far more romantic than candy or diamonds . . . a podcast recommendation: specifically, the new episode of Hidden Brain "When Did Marriage Become So Hard?"; during the middle portion of the show, Erik Finkel, a social scientist at Northwestern, traces the history of marriage and links it to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs; he explains that the expectations of marriage have been slowly climbing that mountainous pyramid; at first, when men and women's roles weren't terribly differentiated, marriage was a pragmatic union primarily for protection and safety; then as gender roles became more established and polar, marriage became a union of opposites-- it was all about love and attraction-- but now marriage is expected to be a union of people with similar goals, values, attributes and desires . ..  and the end result of this kind of marriage is that you will become a better person, your partner will help you self-actualize and be the best person you can be; Finkel explains that this is a lot of pressure to put on the institution, and while it leads to many unhappy marriages and a high divorce rate, it can also lead to truly wonderful relationships that were never even dreamed possible . . . and I'm lucky enough to be in one of those (my wife might even listen to my recommendation!)

3 comments:

  1. The quote I always remember from Finkel was "Laces Out, Dan!!"

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  2. also good advice for staying happily married . . .

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  3. Don’t you live on Valentine Street?

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