Can You Hear Me Never?

So that's all she wrote . . . after twenty-five years of monogamous bliss with my lovely spouse, we're calling it quits . . . not with our entire marriage, just with the auditory phone communication portion of the relationship: every time we try to speak to each other on the phone, Catherine gets frustrated and ends up yelling at me because I don't finish my sentences (or my thoughts) and I also apparently don't talk at the right intervals-- I either pause too much or I ramble . . . and then-- because I'm being yelled at-- I get really anxious and offended, which exacerbates the problem . . . so we had a serious talk and decided the only way to solve the problem was to never talk to each other on the phone again; I brought up the "what about an emergency situation" exception but Catherine countered with the "an emergency is when you definitely need to speak quickly and coherently, so you're DEFINITELY not allowed to call me if it's an emergency" rebuttal so we've decided to leave it at no phone dialogue ever (and I'm not very consistent or proficient with my texting either . . . I think my preferred medium would have been the telegraph).


4 comments:

  1. among the davest things i've ever heard

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  2. I love my friends, warts and all. Dave is the wartiest, toad-carrying, bump-covered farceur of them all and therefore one of my favorites.

    Poor Catherine. Uttered daily.

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  3. At least he's good at finding salamanders.

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  4. but not calling my wife after i've found a bunch of salamanders. i just broke the rule, actually, and called her to see if she wanted some pizza. i had a strong game plan and got to the point early.

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