Dave Discloses His Personal Business (for the Good of Future Scientists)

I used my last personal day yesterday, and I'm going to document what I did with it, so anthropologists in the future have an example of what a middle class homeowner and family man might do with a random day off . . . it's lame stuff, by any standard, but the document might become incredibly important for this very reason, for the extraordinary mundanity, so here it is, in chronological order:

1) I walked the dog and listened to Planet Money;

2) recorded some music;

3) wrote a post for this blog about Planet Money;

4) assembled a fold-out futon . . . this took nearly three hours and the finished product is certainly imbued with this psychological fallacy;

5) did NOT remove the basement refrigerator door and straighten it because I was so tired from building the futon . . . took the dog for a bike ride instead;

6) fixed the side screen door, which wasn't fully closing, by pounding selected portions of the metal lip on the side of the door with a rubber mallet;

7) took all the cardboard packaging from the futon and mattress to the recycling dumpster;

7) tried to take a nap, but couldn't sleep because of the jackhammer . . . our neighbors are putting in a deck;

8) signed the delivery slip for our new TV-- this was the actual reason I had to take the day . . . the only window for delivery was 8 AM to 1 PM;

9) assembled and hooked up our new TV . . . it's smart;

10) ate some sushi for lunch;

11) went to Costco for wine, beer, and easy to cook food . . . Catherine is headed to San Francisco-- Amazon is flying her out there for some educational software summit-- so the boys and I are on our own for the weekend;

12) purchased two pairs of pants at Costco . . . this really worries me-- more than the fact that I went to Costco of my own volition-- because once you start purchasing clothes at Costco, it's the beginning of the end (and the worst part is they're nice pants . . . Tommy Hilfiger, and they fit perfectly . . . this indicates that soon enough I'll spending two or three days a week roaming the aisles, pushing that giant cart at a snail's pace along with all the other geriatrics, buying random bottles of vitamins and ugly walking shoes, feasting on the free samples, and wondering if I could use more razors).


6 comments:

  1. this is a far more ambitious agenda than than the average middle-aged, middle-class homeowner would generally attempt, so i think that the future will wonder why the fuck we didn't accomplish more as a species if they recover this. as such, i think you should delete it and replace with:

    - woke up to piss at 5:30; went back to sleep
    - woke up to jerk off at 7:00; went back to sleep
    - drank coffee and read the paper
    - thought about doing housework; checked twitter for a few hours
    - did one small household task that my wife thinks is harder to do than it actually is; texted her to tell her how hard it was
    - signed for the tv
    - installed the tv; it's smart, so i watched it for several hours
    - met my friends for happy hour
    - went to bed at 9

    that seems a more accurate reflection of our times.

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  2. i did text my wife about how hard it was to assemble the futon . . . forgot that one

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  3. So rob has been spying on me?

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  4. Future anthropologists would discredit this entry as "fake blogging" due to the lack of autoerotic activity, so good correction Rob.

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  5. i forgot to mention that the cleaning ladies were in the house during most of this so . . .

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