Throw Caution to the Wind: Don't Look Either Way

I take in pride in entering crosswalks without glancing at the oncoming vehicles-- I'm not going to deign to "ask permission" from a fuel-guzzling, carbon spewing noisy motor vehicle in order to cross the street under my own autonomously ambulatory volition, and if I get hit by a car, fuck'em . . . I'll collect my well-deserved, well-earned settlement; I'll never work again, and I'll cruise around town evoking sympathy in a brand new Jazzy . . . and now there's a study that insures that if I do get clobbered while legally crossing the street, then I'll probably receive a healthy pay-out, as it is most likely that a rich person will commit the crime . . . and I will readily admit that this is one of those studies that I'm eager to pass along because it confirms exactly what I've always believed about how wealthy people behave when they are behind the wheel of a luxury car, and perhaps when I get hit and collect, then I'll "pay it forward," buy a nice car, and hit someone else in a crosswalk and pay them a large lump sum.


6 comments:

rob said...

when you break it down, this is one of the davest sentences ever

Marls said...

Except for the fact that you just created an internet searchable record documenting your intention to act in a potentially reckless manner in part to secure a financial windfall. Me thinks the jury might look down upon this.

zman said...

Yeah I don't think this is a strict liability issue.

Dave said...

just remember, the concept of "dave" and all of his thoughts, plans, and adventures are totally fictitious. i'm just a bot named "arlo" who manufactures obviously machine-made run-on sentences after being fed a bunch of '80's sitcom scripts.

zman said...

Do you watch Mr Robot?

Dave said...

a little. i need to watch more. but tonight is all about "napoleon dynamite" with ian and his friend. i am very excited

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