So here it is, my pitch for The Super Bachelor of Dave . . . instead of the typical fluff on the current show, the contestants will undergo a sequence of events detailed below-- so that the bachelor can estimate the genetic robustness of all the candidates and make an educated choice on who he wants to bear his young; each week the bachelor will give one or more of his 23 chromosomes to the ladies he wants to stay, and he'll give a prophylactic to those he wants a to go . . . indicating that he would not want to procreate with them (but does not dismiss them from a purely sexual tryst . . . no hard feelings) and I think this format could work for a bachelorette as well, and might even be more important . . . here are some possibilities for events:
1) a soccer match, of course-- there's no faster way to check out how athletic someone is than to watch them play soccer . . . teamwork, speed, spatial skills, and strategic inclinations are all immediately apparent;
2) pick-up basketball . . . same as above;
3) tennis tournament . . . not as indicative as basketball and soccer, but I love those outfits;
4) a standardized test . . . SAT, ACT, whatever;
5) orienteering . . . it's nice to marry someone with a good sense of direction;
6) driving test . . . you don't want to be cringing when you're in the passenger seat;
7) flu exposure . . . this episode will be ugly, with lots of vomiting, fever, defecation and shivering, but you want a spouse with a hardy immune system and this is the only way to tell;
8) squats . . . curls are for the girls and bench isn't all that important, but it's good to know someone can put up some weight and has sturdy thighs and quads;
9) chili cook-off;
10) a financial assessment . . . you don't want to marry anyone carrying a huge credit card debt or with an outstanding lien on their property . . . and if they have money in the family, that's a big plus, even if they can't put up big numbers on the squat rack.
Well done, made me laugh. You can call this show "The Unicorn" per this video:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU
What does it say about your love life when your matchmaking gauntlet includes zero romantic feats? You don't even want to know if one of these ladies is a lousy kisser?
ReplyDeleteThe Bachelor: Genetic Engineering. Nice.
ReplyDeleteoops, forgot about the romance . . .
ReplyDeletechili is romantic.
ReplyDeleteLike cacti.
ReplyDelete