Is This So Wrong?
My boys and their friend were building a snow fort in the icy slush last week, and they were obviously preparing for an apocalyptic snowball fight, but I warned them that the snow was not good for that, as it was hard and icy and if anyone got hit in the face with an ice-ball they were going to get hurt and cry, and then-- content that I had done my job as a parent-- I went in the house to relax, but thirty minutes later the front door flew open and my son Ian stormed in crying and screaming because Alex hit him in the eye with an ice-ball, and so I yelled at him for not heeding my warning (though I probably should have yelled at Alex, but Ian was closer) and he yelled back at "You're not supposed to yell at little kids when they get hurt!" and so now I am wondering if it's okay to yell at little kids when they get hurt if you warned them that the thing they were doing was going to result in them getting hurt.
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Any kid who has the presence of mind to advocate for himself that well and that spur-of-the-moment, especially while working in a guilt-riddled appeal to your parental emotions, does not qualify as a "little kid."
it was an impressive bit of rhetoric, but -- just to put him in context -- he peed the bed two nights ago.
What children have a hard time comprehending is that we parents get upset when we see our children hurt -- it hurts us to see them in pain, but it's usually exhibited as anger. And we are angry to some degree, because we laid out the formula for safety, explained the hazards in logic and plain English that even a child could understand, and cautioned them -- nay, demanded of them that the rules be followed, lest injury ensue. And despite all of that, these kids did what kids invariably do: ignore those warnings and get hurt. The frustration at being disobeyed is only a small fraction of the raised decibels and angry words in your reprimand, however; a lot of it is that one of your little ones has been hurt, and that will always get the parent's dander up even further. Perhaps there is even a twinge of guilt as well, a little pang of feeling bad knowing you were on duty as protector and left them up to their own idiotic devices which have proven fallible time and time again -- you let down your guard under the umbrella of having warned them. More than that, of course, you are irate that they blatantly disregarded the instructions. And even more than that, you are simply upset that these two little boys are the greatest threat to their own health and well-being, and they cannot understand how fragile life is as a human, and that one misplaced iceball pelting could cost one of them a soccer career, one of their faculties for life, or worse. And as they get older, the dangers will be even more prevalent and more severe, and genetics with these two boys in particular are heavily weighted against them even surviving the high school and college years, and that's a horrifying thought. As it is, it's just a small bruise and abrasion, but the red flag for future trauma is waved in your face each time they defy seemingly obvious wisdom and warning and injure themselves. And that upsets you. You care about them, and it's hard enough to protect them from external threats without their own ignorance and stubbornness hurling them into harm's way on a daily basis. You love them. THAT is why you yell at little kids. That's why.
thanks whit! i sort of feel better . . . though when i think of the things i did when i was young, i wonder if the only recourse is make them wear foam suits.
Marls peed the bed the night of Gheorghefest in DC, and he isn't a little kid.
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