The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
Christmas Rant #2,894,987
Some of my students were appalled the other day when I revealed my Grinch-like attitude towards Christmas; I don't remember what set me off, but it always happens, the littlest reminder can send me on a long rant about wrapping paper and Christmas trees and the environment, about how Santa Claus has defeated Jesus and how awful music has defeated them both, about consumption, materialism, and the pressure to buy everyone some sort of unnecessary object, etcetera . . . and I'm not allowed to mention these feelings anywhere else-- I try to keep them from my kids and my wife will punch me in the face if I mention them to her and no one in the English office needs to hear these opinion again so I end up preaching to a captive audience . . . but my students have convinced me to have a better attitude and I even promised to help Catherine with the lights and I'm going to try to buy non-material gifts, although I did have a great idea for a personalized gift that doesn't waste any resources or cause any extra pollution: I present all of my loved ones with a personalized list of Dewey Decimal numbers that refer to books I think they would like to read . . . e.g. I might give myself Dewey Decimal number 813.54 21.
A bit off the subject, but you need to read this one - 338.27282.
ReplyDeleteokay-- i really thought there was going to be something funnier at the end of that dewey decimal number. did you read it? sounds good, but it's 800 pages.
ReplyDeleteWrong book. This is it - Crude World: The Violent Twilight of Oil. Only 288 pages.
ReplyDeletethat sounds more up my alley. i like my oil books with less viscosity.
ReplyDeleteDave - You gotta make charitable contributions in friends and family's names. They might not like it, but they won't argue with you about it (how rude would that be?) and you don't have to buy them a THING.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Dave; I hate holiday joy in all of its forms, and I hate the non-biodegradable, priceless memories that come from causing joy to the world with gifts, so instead I am giving you a number that you can look up like the random code on a soda lid and redeem for a book. Happy Holidays!
ReplyDeletethat's a pretty good summary. i like the charitable donation idea but i feel like it would seem really pretentious and annoy people.
ReplyDeleteThe charitable gift would piss me off because a). most monies donated to charities end up going toward operations and not relief or research and b). when people do this, they most often recognize the wrong charity. I am the right one; just give your directly to me.
ReplyDeleteThe charitable gift would piss me off because a). most monies donated to charities end up going toward operations and not relief or research and b). when people do this, they most often recognize the wrong charity. I am the right one; just give your directly to me.
ReplyDeletemy family would also be pissed off by the charitable gift-- their attitude would be: give your own money to charity and get me a gift!
ReplyDeleteDave: I donated $100 in your name to the Human Fund. Happy Festivus.
ReplyDelete