The Required Amount at the Prescribed Rate (Handcrafted From the Finest Corinthian Leather)
11/11/2009
Yesterday a teacher thought she discovered the source of the foul stench in the English office refrigerator (a moldy wrap in a plastic clam shell) but she didn't want to infringe on anyone's food rights and toss it (the last time she cleaned, people complained) and so I heroically volunteered to open the container and smell the sandwich and then offer my expert opinion on whether or not the stench was emanating from this particular piece of food-- and so I put the container right under my nose, clicked it open, and took a deep whiff . . . and suddenly I was euphoric . . . light headed . . . I had never felt so alive, the horrific odor raced through my nasal passages and deep into my sinus cavities, and then finally, directly into my brain, it was better than twenty cups of coffee, better than two snorts of crystal meth, it was a mind blowing, life changing smell-- but no one else wanted to smell it, and when I ran to the trash to toss it, everyone in the room yelled, "Outside, throw it outside!" and so I did, but I will always wonder: what have we lost?
This is why New Jersey smells the way it does.
ReplyDeletethat doesn't make sense-- because in new jersey we put oil and vinegar on our subs, which is a preservative, while in virginia and many other southern states they use a lot more mayo (imagine my surprise when i ordered an italian sandiwch at the deli and there was mayonnaise on it!) and mayo spoils quickly and smells awful because of the eggs-- so if you're basing the smell of a state on rotting sandwiches, new jersey would probably smell better than most.
ReplyDeleteIt had more to do with everyone instructing you to throw rotten food outside instead of disposing of it properly. In Virginia, waste management is actually an industry, not just a front for the mafia.
ReplyDeletethat was a good comment.
ReplyDeletei have no retort, other than to say this: "i know where you live."