To Be or Not To H20
The ultimate existential dilemma is not "to be or not to be" nor is it "is the bathroom very very wet after my children shower," because those questions are binary . . . you should obviously stop whinging and do your best "to be" and yes, the bathroom is very very wet after my children shower, and so the final question-- once you've arrived at "being" in this very damp universe-- is just how premeditated the soaking of the bathroom floor is . . . because there's no fucking question that it's soaked, but do my children cascade gallons of water over the edge of the tub and onto the tile because they want the bathroom ceiling to collapse into the living room, and thus they'll have to pay for their own college, or is this some sort of inevitable physical law, that when you put and 11 year old and a 12 year old in claustrophobic space with spraying water of a certain hydraulic pressure, that a great deal of it will end up not in the tub, but on the floor . . . I'm not sure which answer I prefer, but I'm guessing that the motivation doesn't fall into a simple a dichotomy, such as "to be or not to be" and that the nightly wettening might be some combination of calculation and klutziness . . . but this might be one of the unknowable things (on par with Thomas Nagel's philosophical essay "What Is It Like to Be a Bat?") because I remember my mother chastising me for the same infraction and I can't remember how or why I sluiced so much liquid out of the tub and onto the tile.