Best Play of the Game

Though my U-8 soccer team took a beating at the hands of a deeper, more experienced Bloomfield soccer squad on Saturday, there was one exceptional play made by a Vulture: but it didn't happen during the course of the game . . . it happened during the car ride home, I was driving and my son Ian and his friend Jesus were wrestling in the back seat of the mini-van, but despite this distraction, when I went to exit the Parkway (Exit 130) and I noticed a massive pile-up of traffic for the Southbound lane, I instead took the Northbound lane . . . so like a good soccer player, I found the open lane and went North to go South . . . and so I drove up Route 1 North away from Highland Park, but into open space, turned by the Woodbridge Mall, caught Woodbridge Avenue and had a traffic free drive the rest of the way home (though when I told my wife about this amazing and creative play into open space, she reminded me that if I had gone one more exit to 129, then I could have caught Woodbridge Avenue there, as we had done many times before . . . but this is irrelevant, because in the heat of the game it's hard to remember things like that, and you just need to appreciate my brilliant move in the context of that particular car ride).


18 comments:

zman said...

You saw a vulture?

Marls said...

You lost with Jesus on your team? I think you may have an imposter on your hands. Next time see if he can feed the whole team from a single orange wedge

Clarence said...

You call your team the Vultures? Not the Strikers or the Comets, no, they're the Vultures. They circle dying animals in hopes of eating their carcasses later. And why not Buzzards?

Jesus, Dave.

Marls said...

Jesus Saves!!!!

Lecky said...

That is North Brunswick move - if you were driving a Camaro it would be an all time classic yarn on Jersey traffic.

Next time, tell the kids you were taking the long way home so they could think about the ass kicking by Bloomfield and plan their revenge. A good coach might encourage them to bum rush the other team when they take a knee

Dave said...

the vulture is my metaphor for good soccer-- better to scavenge than run around like a lunatic with no direction . . .

Mr. Truck said...

and we do all birds of prey in highland park, because of the owls. we even have a team called "the kestrels." also "the griffins," which have a bird of prey head.

vultures are scary (though our team is NOT scary, except when they are wrestling each other).

we play north brunswick next week . . .

zman said...

I went to a football game at Bloomfield when I was in high school. They threw bagels at our cheerleaders and yelled "[N-word]s go home!" Maybe it was Nutley. I confuse those towns. But that's what I think of when I think of Bloomfield. And Nutley.

zman said...

"we do all birds of prey in highland park, because of the owls"

I don't know what any part of that sentence means.

Marls said...

Jesus wants you to be the "Birds of Pray".

Whitney said...

Thank you for explaining to us that a griffin has the head of a bird of prey. You are vaguely familiar that your collegiate alma mater has one as the mascot, yes?

I figured maybe not, what with you not even planning to make the effort to be in Williamsburg for your 20-year college reunion at Homecoming, despite missing your 10-year reunion (and every other year). I was hoping to have John, Rob, Ryan, Neil, Mose, and the other hoodlums join you for another road trip for the ages (aged). With Squirrel, Hightower, and me planning to be there, we could streak Monroe and set up some Olympics.

rob said...

are lecky, rob, and neil allowed in virginia? i know for a fact they're not allowed in connecticut.

Dave said...

sorry-- highland park high school mascot is the owls, and so all the soccer travel teams follow suit. we are nerdy like that. i won't be attending any homecoming or reunions until my kids have outgrown soccer-- these days it's soccer seven days a week, sometimes two events a day, and that's not going to change anytime soon, i don't think (but the hours aren't as bad as hockey).

i love "birds of pray." i will tell jesus, but i'm not sure he's ready for puns yet.

rhinolips said...

Why is an osprey a bird of prey but not a pellicane? Is it the pouch?

Dave said...

everyone was pushing me to name the team "the pelicans" but i thought that was asking for trouble from the soccer gods. hubris.

zman said...

How about the Party Condors?

Whitney said...

What happens to your kids' soccer progress if you miss 48 hours of coaching them? Do they have to start over from the beginning? ("Okay, now this is a soccer ball. The object of the game is to try to put the ball into the other team's goal, but here's the tricky thing -- you can't use your hands!!")

Dave said...

right now i am the only officially carded coach of our U-8 team, which means i have to be there. I am trying to get another guy or two carded so I at least have the possibility of missing a game, but that's not happening any time soon. The bureaucracy of travel soccer is byzantine.

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