The Test 83: Going Viral
This week on The Test, Cunningham proudly presents "the dumbest thing she's ever made," and while she doesn't know what the answers are, or even what she's looking for, Stacey and I have no problem meeting her half way . . . so see if you know what's up with the youngsters, and what it takes to earn yourself a plaque and go viral.
Family + Isolation = Here's Johnny!
Catherine keeps interrupting me while I write this sentence, but I'm trying to keep my cool . . . I'm trying to avoid bashing her brains in with an ax (all work and no play makes Dave a dull boy) and I'm going to crack open a beer soon (all work and no play makes Dave a dull boy) because it rained today and so we holed up at the house and watched The Shining (streamable on Netflix) and I realized the true moral of the film is Don't go on the wagon while you're isolated on a mountain with your family . . . Jack could have used a little actual alcohol (not ghost whiskey) to soothe his nerves and then maybe he wouldn't have lost his mind . . . anyway, Catherine and I are staying flexible and mentally resilient, despite the wild swings in the weather-- yesterday we hiked all the way around Lowell Lake, the trail went from balmy to treacherous depending on the sun exposure, one moment we were walking on soft pine needles in the warm sun, the next we were being frozen by the spray of a snow-fueled stream while navigating ice fields; I was a little nervous that I might pull a muscle, but the kids loved it-- they said all the obstacles kept them more occupied and "confuzzled," so they didn't have time to bicker . . . the dog also loved the mixed terrain, and Catherine and I survived without injury; today we had to beat a hasty retreat from the mountain because of the rain and fog, but after we finished The Shining, we came up out of the basement to see the sun again, so I stopped sharpening my ax and we went outside and played some snow football.
Interesting Coleopteran Information
Love Me Do! The Beatles Progress is regarded by many credible sources as the best book about the Beatles and while I'm not the one to dispute this-- this is the only book about The Beatles I've read-- I think this is a great book on its own merits, an in-the-moment meditation on fame, mania, art, and celebrity-- The Beatles stuff is just icing on the cake; anyway, Michael Braun accompanies the Liverpudlians for several weeks of a world tour in 1963, just as Beatlemania is taking hold of the world-- and The Beatles present a telling contrast to Elvis and Cliff Richard, two of the big stars at the time-- both crooners who were very male and rather sexual . . Frank Sinatra is another artist mentioned frequently; meanwhile, no one over twenty could understand what was going on with The Beatles, teenagers, mainly girls, flocked to anywhere that a Beatle might turn up, and Braun was there to document it all . . . this is a quick read and I recommend you go along for the magical mystery tour and read the book, but if not, here is a quick and messy look at the things I highlighted on my Kindle:
there are plenty of quips and quotes, and many of them reveal the archetypal character traits that become more concrete later in their careers;
Ringo Starr, 23 years old . . . "I don't care about politics . . . just people";
George Harrison, 21 years old, says: "I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to, would I?" and then explains his ambition is to design a guitar;
Paul McCartney, 22, would like "to be successful" and wants "money to do nothing with, money to have in case you wanted to do something";
John Lennon, 23, explains: "The more people you meet, the more you realize it's all a class thing";
then some trouble with visas when they came to America for the first time, but they were eventually granted an H2 visa, a step above the H3 trainee visa, but below H1, which was reserved for "persons of distinguished merit and ability";
there are, of course, moments that seem prescient now . . . such as, in New York, before the Ed Sullivan appearance, Cynthia Lennon wanted to go out shopping but was afraid to venture out into the city alone, and she noted "the fans here seem a bit wackier than in England";
Braun actually delves into the intellectuals and their attempt to understand Beatlemania, instead of dismissing it . . . he describes how the critics spoke of pandiatonic versus diatonic, unresolved leading tones, false modal frames, and dominant seventh of the mixolydian . . . but the appeal was more than musical . . .
well known television psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers offered her two cents as well, explaining that teen revolt is perfectly normal and unavoidable in a country which allows "social change, individualism, and free choice of lifestyle" and parents may fight back against this rebellion but it's because they have blocked out how difficult and traumatic it is to be a teenager in such a world, adults "honestly cannot believe that we ourselves were ever that unreasonable, sloppy and goonish . . . and so from generation to generation, the war wages on . . . the Beatles are a marvelous symbol to adolescents of their rebellion against adult society"
and Dr Renee Fox, sociologist, discussed their dual roles as male and female, adult and child, and how appealing this was, and how-- because they can barely be heard above the shrieks of the audience, they almost play the role of mimes . . . a play within a play . . .
and I'll end with one last bit of interesting coleopteran information . . . George Harrison made the mistake of telling fans that he liked to eat "jelly babies," a British gummy candy that takes the form of a plump infant, and so fans constantly pelted the band with these sweets, sometimes leaving them in the bag . . . Ringo Starr said getting hit with bag after bag of jelly babies felt like enduring "hailstones"
and the while the band's high jinks are tame and clownish by today's standards, Michael Braun can tell there's something big and bold in this popular rebellion, and The Beatles had the wit, talent, looks, and ability to ride the wave all the way to shore.
there are plenty of quips and quotes, and many of them reveal the archetypal character traits that become more concrete later in their careers;
Ringo Starr, 23 years old . . . "I don't care about politics . . . just people";
George Harrison, 21 years old, says: "I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to, would I?" and then explains his ambition is to design a guitar;
Paul McCartney, 22, would like "to be successful" and wants "money to do nothing with, money to have in case you wanted to do something";
John Lennon, 23, explains: "The more people you meet, the more you realize it's all a class thing";
then some trouble with visas when they came to America for the first time, but they were eventually granted an H2 visa, a step above the H3 trainee visa, but below H1, which was reserved for "persons of distinguished merit and ability";
there are, of course, moments that seem prescient now . . . such as, in New York, before the Ed Sullivan appearance, Cynthia Lennon wanted to go out shopping but was afraid to venture out into the city alone, and she noted "the fans here seem a bit wackier than in England";
Braun actually delves into the intellectuals and their attempt to understand Beatlemania, instead of dismissing it . . . he describes how the critics spoke of pandiatonic versus diatonic, unresolved leading tones, false modal frames, and dominant seventh of the mixolydian . . . but the appeal was more than musical . . .
well known television psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers offered her two cents as well, explaining that teen revolt is perfectly normal and unavoidable in a country which allows "social change, individualism, and free choice of lifestyle" and parents may fight back against this rebellion but it's because they have blocked out how difficult and traumatic it is to be a teenager in such a world, adults "honestly cannot believe that we ourselves were ever that unreasonable, sloppy and goonish . . . and so from generation to generation, the war wages on . . . the Beatles are a marvelous symbol to adolescents of their rebellion against adult society"
and Dr Renee Fox, sociologist, discussed their dual roles as male and female, adult and child, and how appealing this was, and how-- because they can barely be heard above the shrieks of the audience, they almost play the role of mimes . . . a play within a play . . .
and I'll end with one last bit of interesting coleopteran information . . . George Harrison made the mistake of telling fans that he liked to eat "jelly babies," a British gummy candy that takes the form of a plump infant, and so fans constantly pelted the band with these sweets, sometimes leaving them in the bag . . . Ringo Starr said getting hit with bag after bag of jelly babies felt like enduring "hailstones"
and the while the band's high jinks are tame and clownish by today's standards, Michael Braun can tell there's something big and bold in this popular rebellion, and The Beatles had the wit, talent, looks, and ability to ride the wave all the way to shore.
Spring Break Vermont: Hot as Daytona, But No Wet T-Shirt Contest
Some highlights from this bizarrely warm snowboarding trip:
1) fun this morning at Okemo, but got extremely slushy and thus exhausting . . . it's supposed to be even warmer tomorrow, so that might be it for the mountain;
2) the nearby Buttermilk Falls are all roaring from the snowmelt, and I came to a revelation while the boys and I were trying to hit a piece of blue Styrofoam spinning in the whirlpool at the base of one of the larger falls-- we were chucking rocks like mad, but not connecting-- and then I realized the most accurate method was "cornhole style" and tossed one like that which nearly hit, but Ian mimicked me and hit the foam with his very first cornhole type toss;
3) Catherine and I went snowshoeing into the woods (I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and still sweating) and we found the creature that Sirius treed the day before-- it was a porcupine and it now lay dead at the base of a hollowed out tree . . . we're not sure how it died, or if it was this particular porcupine that was alive the day before, or perhaps a relative . . . but there's no way Sirius attacked this thing, because it was all full of sharp quills . . . perhaps the winter hibernation was just too much for it;
4) the people that own this house have similar taste to us in high quality board games-- Carcassonne, Settlers of Catan, Bananagrams, Ticket to Ride, etc. . . . in fact, they already owned almost all of the games we brought (except for Exploding Kittens, which is a silly card game that is totally inappropriate, with lots of butt and genitals jokes and, of course, exploding kittens . . . my kids found it on their shelf and loved it) and we tried one of their other games, Seven Wonders, and it had way too many pieces for Ian and I, but Catherine and Alex think it's the bees knees, so even among board game snobs, there are major disagreements as to what constitutes excellence.
1) fun this morning at Okemo, but got extremely slushy and thus exhausting . . . it's supposed to be even warmer tomorrow, so that might be it for the mountain;
2) the nearby Buttermilk Falls are all roaring from the snowmelt, and I came to a revelation while the boys and I were trying to hit a piece of blue Styrofoam spinning in the whirlpool at the base of one of the larger falls-- we were chucking rocks like mad, but not connecting-- and then I realized the most accurate method was "cornhole style" and tossed one like that which nearly hit, but Ian mimicked me and hit the foam with his very first cornhole type toss;
3) Catherine and I went snowshoeing into the woods (I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and still sweating) and we found the creature that Sirius treed the day before-- it was a porcupine and it now lay dead at the base of a hollowed out tree . . . we're not sure how it died, or if it was this particular porcupine that was alive the day before, or perhaps a relative . . . but there's no way Sirius attacked this thing, because it was all full of sharp quills . . . perhaps the winter hibernation was just too much for it;
4) the people that own this house have similar taste to us in high quality board games-- Carcassonne, Settlers of Catan, Bananagrams, Ticket to Ride, etc. . . . in fact, they already owned almost all of the games we brought (except for Exploding Kittens, which is a silly card game that is totally inappropriate, with lots of butt and genitals jokes and, of course, exploding kittens . . . my kids found it on their shelf and loved it) and we tried one of their other games, Seven Wonders, and it had way too many pieces for Ian and I, but Catherine and Alex think it's the bees knees, so even among board game snobs, there are major disagreements as to what constitutes excellence.
Spring Break Vermont!
Weird winter wonderland up here in Southern Vermont: we are staying at our favorite rental property, it lies in a pocket of deep snow between Weston and Andover and though at the bottom of the mountain there are only slushy piles of the white stuff, at the top of the hill-- where the house is-- the snow is several feet deep; we've built a long and dangerous luge run that ends in a pit I dug . . . and if you pop over the far wall of the pit then you run into a rock wall (not recommended) and we went over to Okemo Mountain today for some snowboarding, and while the bottom runs were slushy, up at the top the snow was perfect . . . tomorrow is supposed to be even warmer than today, so I'm not sure what's going to happen, but we'll probably be acting like we're out west, skiing in t-shirts and slathering on the sunblock (I might even toss my bra into that tree full of lingerie).
What the High School Kids Think Is Funny
A student told me this joke, and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker:
How did the turtle cross the freeway?
Hint: take the "f" out of free and take the "f" out of way . . . punchline in the comments.
How did the turtle cross the freeway?
Hint: take the "f" out of free and take the "f" out of way . . . punchline in the comments.
Spoilers, Ancient and Modern
If you haven't listened to S-Town yet, you should . . . and if you haven't read (or watched) Hamlet yet, then you probably never will and it would be silly for me to recommend it (sort of like recommending that you check out the Bible) but I'd like to point out some interesting parallels between the podcast and Shakespeare's most famous tragedy:
1) both contain themes of suicide, Hamlet contemplates suicide but chickens out-- though he can barely stand the "slings and arrows" life has sent his direction-- and John B. actually makes good on his promise to remove himself from the picture because he's just so "tired" of dealing with all the shit;
2) bother John B. and Hamlet see themselves in an "unweeded garden" of corruption and betrayal;
3) Brian Reed, the narrator and reporter in S- Town,plays the same role as Horatio-- he goes on a trip to investigate a death and ends up as an involved bystander in a world that is both intellectual and depraved;
4) Hamlet and John B. both believe that "frailty thy name is woman";
5) in both works, there is family intrigue and alliances, oblivious to the machinations of the outside world, and in the end, Fortinbras and the Burt family operate in the same manner, swooping in to take over the land;
6) there is the distinct possibility that both protagonists are insane, and rereading or relistening makes this more and more apparent;
7) there are plays within plays in both works-- the back room in the tattoo shop, the needle play, the dramas within dramas of John B.'s relationships;
8) there is the theme of time and time dilation . . . no one can figure out how time passes in Hamlet, the span may be much longer than we think, and the same with S- Town-- John is involved with his horological studies, but it's impossible to trace when his mercury induced insanity began, when he went from trying to improve the town with his friend the clerk to feeling betrayed by everything, and if Brian Green ever knew him in a time of sanity;
9) both pieces contain plenty of dark humor amidst the tragedy;
10) both protagonists are most certainly geniuses;
11) both John B. and Hamlet have weird relationships with their respective mothers, and odd stances towards sex;
12) I really like the podcast and the play.
1) both contain themes of suicide, Hamlet contemplates suicide but chickens out-- though he can barely stand the "slings and arrows" life has sent his direction-- and John B. actually makes good on his promise to remove himself from the picture because he's just so "tired" of dealing with all the shit;
2) bother John B. and Hamlet see themselves in an "unweeded garden" of corruption and betrayal;
3) Brian Reed, the narrator and reporter in S- Town,plays the same role as Horatio-- he goes on a trip to investigate a death and ends up as an involved bystander in a world that is both intellectual and depraved;
4) Hamlet and John B. both believe that "frailty thy name is woman";
5) in both works, there is family intrigue and alliances, oblivious to the machinations of the outside world, and in the end, Fortinbras and the Burt family operate in the same manner, swooping in to take over the land;
6) there is the distinct possibility that both protagonists are insane, and rereading or relistening makes this more and more apparent;
7) there are plays within plays in both works-- the back room in the tattoo shop, the needle play, the dramas within dramas of John B.'s relationships;
8) there is the theme of time and time dilation . . . no one can figure out how time passes in Hamlet, the span may be much longer than we think, and the same with S- Town-- John is involved with his horological studies, but it's impossible to trace when his mercury induced insanity began, when he went from trying to improve the town with his friend the clerk to feeling betrayed by everything, and if Brian Green ever knew him in a time of sanity;
9) both pieces contain plenty of dark humor amidst the tragedy;
10) both protagonists are most certainly geniuses;
11) both John B. and Hamlet have weird relationships with their respective mothers, and odd stances towards sex;
12) I really like the podcast and the play.
Memories . . . Light the Corners of My Mind?
Dan Chaon's new thriller Ill Will will make you question everything you think you know about your past, and while elements of the novel are predictable, Chaon's experiments with structure are enough to discomfit any normal narrative experience . . . whatever that means . . . and if you're gullible enough, you'll fall for everything, and if you're not impressionable, then you'll certainly be horrified, so however you enter this story, you're bound to be disturbed.
I Am Valuable
Although I'm certainly not the head chef in our kitchen, there are certain things at which I excel during dinner preparation:: I am a good chopper of vegetables, and (of course) I am good drinker of wine and beer, I select the best of the best when it comes to cooking music (although I sometimes get a bit lost in the selecting process) and I recently discovered another culinary skill that I possess . . . I am phenomenal at reading a recipe aloud, enunciating the measurements, so that my wife can execute the instructions without consulting the computer-- and this skill dovetails perfectly with the drinking and the musical selection, so it's a win-win-win!
Jimmy Gluestick Fingers
To Distribute or Not to Distribute
My two favorite wonky podcasts have recently done episodes on healthcare (The Weeds, Common Sense) and the takeaway is this:
1) Americans pay a ton of money for healthcare and we don't get very good results-- we may be the greatest country in the world for lakes, but we are not even in the ballpark when it comes to health outcomes-- not only do we pay more, but we get less, and-- most significantly-- for a developed country, we die rather young;
2) we have taken the worst aspects of free markets and government subsidized healthcare and combined them, and at every step of the way, players are trying to squeeze profits from the system-- and without the government to negotiate prices, the patient is screwed;
3) Republicans care more about giving a tax break to rich people than actually reforming the system;
4) we may be subsidizing medical innovations for the rest of the world with our high drug costs . . . or that's what people who work in the industry would like you to believe;
and Dave's theory is this:
it all comes down to what William Gibson said: "the future is here-- it's just not evenly distributed," and how America decides to apply this sentiment to the population, as there's plenty of incredible medical advances, knowledge, drugs, and treatments and if we distributed these to the majority of Americans, we'd have a much healthier country . . . or you could take the Paul Ryan route and try to make the distribution as lumpy and uneven as possible, which might save money, or might allow for some advances for certain people, but wouldn't give everyone access to the future that is already here . . . and it seems that the disagreement over Gibson's idea breaks down along party lines; I know I'd rather have everyone getting access to all we have available now, even if that meant there wouldn't be as many innovations in the future, especially if you could decouple health care from employment and allow people to move around the country and switch careers without fear of losing benefits, as that would really spur the economy (as would a healthier populace) and maybe convince a few folks that coal mining is the only way to make a living (despite the particulate matter and mercury poisoning, which are quite costly, from both an environmental and healthcare perspective) but there are plenty of people-- rich people, conservative people, lobbyists, people in the medical business-- that would like to see things continue as they are, or even get less evenly distributed and make the industry more about economics and free markets . . . but the important thing to remember is that good health is a temporary state, no matter how well you feel, the reaper's scythe will cut you down to size soon enough . . . cheers!
1) Americans pay a ton of money for healthcare and we don't get very good results-- we may be the greatest country in the world for lakes, but we are not even in the ballpark when it comes to health outcomes-- not only do we pay more, but we get less, and-- most significantly-- for a developed country, we die rather young;
2) we have taken the worst aspects of free markets and government subsidized healthcare and combined them, and at every step of the way, players are trying to squeeze profits from the system-- and without the government to negotiate prices, the patient is screwed;
3) Republicans care more about giving a tax break to rich people than actually reforming the system;
4) we may be subsidizing medical innovations for the rest of the world with our high drug costs . . . or that's what people who work in the industry would like you to believe;
and Dave's theory is this:
it all comes down to what William Gibson said: "the future is here-- it's just not evenly distributed," and how America decides to apply this sentiment to the population, as there's plenty of incredible medical advances, knowledge, drugs, and treatments and if we distributed these to the majority of Americans, we'd have a much healthier country . . . or you could take the Paul Ryan route and try to make the distribution as lumpy and uneven as possible, which might save money, or might allow for some advances for certain people, but wouldn't give everyone access to the future that is already here . . . and it seems that the disagreement over Gibson's idea breaks down along party lines; I know I'd rather have everyone getting access to all we have available now, even if that meant there wouldn't be as many innovations in the future, especially if you could decouple health care from employment and allow people to move around the country and switch careers without fear of losing benefits, as that would really spur the economy (as would a healthier populace) and maybe convince a few folks that coal mining is the only way to make a living (despite the particulate matter and mercury poisoning, which are quite costly, from both an environmental and healthcare perspective) but there are plenty of people-- rich people, conservative people, lobbyists, people in the medical business-- that would like to see things continue as they are, or even get less evenly distributed and make the industry more about economics and free markets . . . but the important thing to remember is that good health is a temporary state, no matter how well you feel, the reaper's scythe will cut you down to size soon enough . . . cheers!
The Test 82: Fill in the Trump
The bigliest, most beautiful, classiest Test ever, inspired by this Car Seat Headrest song . . . a great great test, I'm certain you're going to love it.
The Problem is You, Dave
More often than I'd like, I jack my phone into a charging cord that is not plugged into any sort of electrical outlet, and then at some unspecified later time, I get really annoyed and think my battery doesn't hold a charge.
No Spoilers (No Shit)
I finished S-Town this afternoon, and I won't spoil anything-- other than the fact that my previous prediction (Bitcoin!) was idiotic . . . you couldn't invent the ending to the story of John B. McLemore (and neither could I).
Spoiler? Only If Dave is as Smart as John B. McLemore
I am just starting episode five of S-Town, the fantastic new podcast from the producers of This American Life and Serial, and I have a bold out-of-the-box prediction (especially considering the Flannery O'Connoresque Southern Gothic tone of the story) and I promise my speculative conjecture won't spoil a thing if you haven't started listening, but I'm making my guess and it's Bitcoin.
Why Do We Walk So Far For Ice Cream?
The Median Voter Theorem-- an idea based on Harold Hoteling's theory of spatial competition, which Anthony Downs linked to the U.S. two party political system-- makes perfect logical sense; both ice cream trucks (or political parties) should move toward the middle of the block to capture the median voter (while still being the closest and most appetizing option for the extreme voters as well) and thus the two parties should move closer and closer together (while still remaining discernible) but for various reasons that Tyler Cowen outlines in his new book, reasons such as lobbyists, stasis, financiers, entrenched budgets, complacent participation in democracy and elections, the lack of meaning behind most policy, entrenched budgets and discretionary spending, and a bunch of other shit, this rational model doesn't apply any longer . . . and this is really really strange and means that the polarized political world that we now live in is much weirder than you might imagine . . . so watch the video, and then come up with your own theory on why we're completely insane and willing to walk a really long way for ice cream, and if you really want to be depressed (and intrigued) by stasis and stagnation, and the possibility of an apocalyptic reset that will not only drain the swamp, weed the garden, and possibly set fire to the wicked, read Tyler Cowen's fantastic, precise and intelligent book The Complacent Class: The Self-Defeating Quest for the American Dream, and if you're looking for something more metaphorical, literary, and Southern Gothic, then check out the podcast S-Town . . . but be careful about digesting them in combination, as you'll be in for an ugly ride.
Dave Returns! With the Usual Drivel . . .
1) after hiking over to the Edgar Allan Poe National Historic Site, which is a bit of a haul from center city but definitely worth a stop, we wandered into a Trump Rally, which was fairly small (apparently it got bigger and wilder as the day went on) and while it was pretty tame, it did have the usual jingoistic chanting, an African-American representing Black Lives Matter with a megaphone in an argument with a bearded Trump supporter, and some people off to the side with a fantastic sign condemning everyone; the sign read:
LUKEWARM CHRISTIANS LIKE TRUMP
WILL BURN IN HELL WITH ALL LIBERALS
REPENT AND OBEY JESUS
which is a statement I've got to admire in its candid comprehensiveness and straightforward sentiment;
2) we saw the horror movie Get Out, which is funny, scary, and satirizes race relations in America-- I highly recommend the film, it's totally entertaining . . . and soon after, when we were walking through a slightly sketchy area that harbored some prostitutes and homeless folks, a rather tipsy African-American woman yelled, "White people stink!" at my wife and me, and I told her she should go see Get Out, which would certainly confirm her hypothesis;
3) we ate at some excellent places: Lolita, Pub and Kitchen, Sampan, Dan Dan, and Misconduct Tavern.
Questions of Dave Part IV
Did the lobbyists who perpetuate our flawed and byzantine healthcare system conspire with the lobbyists who block tax reform?-- because they both have an interest in preserving systems that squeeze the maximum profit out of every step of the equation-- and why do these folks hate the American people so fucking much?
Questions of Dave Part III
Now that music is essentially free (Spotify, YouTube, etc.) and streamable, will creditors grant amnesty to those who are still delinquent on their BMG Music Service and Columbia House Cassette of the Month club bills, because they fell prey to the negative option payment mechanism?
Questions of Dave Part II
At what rate must you consume a 48 ounce plastic jug of garden fresh Costco salsa in order to finish it before it goes sour?
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