Dave Keeps His Mouth Shut and Reaps the Rewards

Over the past few days, I've been killing it with the lies and half-truths and refraining from saying my actual opinion: on Saturday night, my wife realized she lost her engagement ring and though I thought this was because she never zips up her purse-- I'm always zipping it for her . . . she leaves it unzipped ALL THE TIME, and shit is always falling out of it and hanging out of it—but I refrained from saying this and I remained totally positive and optimistic that she would find it-- even though I figured it fell out of her sunglass case at some random moment and was lost forever-- and then she found it under her desk at school today and all was well and I did not get in trouble for blaming it on her poor zipping habits or being pessimistic; then today, I made a RADICAL move to amend her poor roll selection-- she bought some smallish, rather stale rolls when she went grocery shopping Sunday but instead of complaining this morning, I made my sandwich on this lousy stale roll and remained stoic and silent, knowing that complaining about these rolls would NOT be a good idea for the health of my marriage and then third period-- just before lunch--  when I walked into the English office, there was a loaf of sourdough bread and butter on the table and I took a slice and slathered it with butter and ate it and it was delicious and then I was struck by a bolt of lightning, the lightbulb went off-- and I was alone in the office-- so I hacked two slices of bread off this loaf (consuming most of it) and TRANSFERRED my sandwich from the shitty stale roll to this amazing flavorful chewy sourdough bread and while when people returned to the office, there was a complaint or two that I had sorely depleted the sourdough, it was worth it because my sandwich was much improved (and I did not provoke my wife's wrath by complaining about her roll selection) and so this just goes to show that sometimes Dave should keep his mouth shut.