Dave Discloses His Personal Business (for the Good of Future Scientists)

I used my last personal day yesterday, and I'm going to document what I did with it, so anthropologists in the future have an example of what a middle class homeowner and family man might do with a random day off . . . it's lame stuff, by any standard, but the document might become incredibly important for this very reason, for the extraordinary mundanity, so here it is, in chronological order:

1) I walked the dog and listened to Planet Money;

2) recorded some music;

3) wrote a post for this blog about Planet Money;

4) assembled a fold-out futon . . . this took nearly three hours and the finished product is certainly imbued with this psychological fallacy;

5) did NOT remove the basement refrigerator door and straighten it because I was so tired from building the futon . . . took the dog for a bike ride instead;

6) fixed the side screen door, which wasn't fully closing, by pounding selected portions of the metal lip on the side of the door with a rubber mallet;

7) took all the cardboard packaging from the futon and mattress to the recycling dumpster;

7) tried to take a nap, but couldn't sleep because of the jackhammer . . . our neighbors are putting in a deck;

8) signed the delivery slip for our new TV-- this was the actual reason I had to take the day . . . the only window for delivery was 8 AM to 1 PM;

9) assembled and hooked up our new TV . . . it's smart;

10) ate some sushi for lunch;

11) went to Costco for wine, beer, and easy to cook food . . . Catherine is headed to San Francisco-- Amazon is flying her out there for some educational software summit-- so the boys and I are on our own for the weekend;

12) purchased two pairs of pants at Costco . . . this really worries me-- more than the fact that I went to Costco of my own volition-- because once you start purchasing clothes at Costco, it's the beginning of the end (and the worst part is they're nice pants . . . Tommy Hilfiger, and they fit perfectly . . . this indicates that soon enough I'll spending two or three days a week roaming the aisles, pushing that giant cart at a snail's pace along with all the other geriatrics, buying random bottles of vitamins and ugly walking shoes, feasting on the free samples, and wondering if I could use more razors).


rob said...

this is a far more ambitious agenda than than the average middle-aged, middle-class homeowner would generally attempt, so i think that the future will wonder why the fuck we didn't accomplish more as a species if they recover this. as such, i think you should delete it and replace with:

- woke up to piss at 5:30; went back to sleep
- woke up to jerk off at 7:00; went back to sleep
- drank coffee and read the paper
- thought about doing housework; checked twitter for a few hours
- did one small household task that my wife thinks is harder to do than it actually is; texted her to tell her how hard it was
- signed for the tv
- installed the tv; it's smart, so i watched it for several hours
- met my friends for happy hour
- went to bed at 9

that seems a more accurate reflection of our times.

Dave said...

i did text my wife about how hard it was to assemble the futon . . . forgot that one

zman said...

So rob has been spying on me?

Lecky said...

Future anthropologists would discredit this entry as "fake blogging" due to the lack of autoerotic activity, so good correction Rob.

zman said...

Fake Dave! Sad.

Dave said...

i forgot to mention that the cleaning ladies were in the house during most of this so . . .

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