My Dog Is Like A Dog But I Am Like A Cat



Let me preface this by saying that my dog Sirius is a good dog, but sometimes good dogs do bad things . . . especially if there is a bunny involved . . . and so I was biking in the park with Sirius at my side, using a product called the Walky Dog Hands Free Bicycle Leash, which is an innocuous enough sounding name for what is essentially a metal stick with a bunjee cord running through it that clips under your bike seat and juts out perpendicular to your frame, but a better name for the Walky Dog Hands Free Bicycle Leash would be The Sling-Shot Canine Powered Kiss Your Ass And Your Family Good-bye Because You’re Never Going to See Either of Them Again Unless There Is An Afterlife Rocket Bike Attachment, and as we were biking along using this inaptly named product, a bunny rabbit scampered across the bike path and Sirius-- who is a good dog, but still, when all is said and done, a dog-- jetted sideways after the rabbit, putting him on the right side of two garbage pails and my bike and me on the left side of the two garbage pails . . . and so the stretched bunjee cord and the metal rod hit the cans, stopping the bike short and propelling my dog's head right out of his collar, and the two garbage pails flipped over and I shot over the handlebars of my new mountain bike (and as this happened, I thought to myself: why aren't I wearing that nice new helmet that I just bought?) and I flew through the air and landed on all fours, just like a cat-- completely uninjured, with eight lives to spare . . . a minor miracle if there ever was one-- but despite the miracle, I still had the awkward job of brushing myself off, righting the garbage cans, putting all the bottles and cans back into the garbage cans, getting my dog's collar back around his neck, getting my dog reattached to the Walky Dog Hands Free Bicycle Leash, and all the while three women at a picnic table watched me do this, and I felt like Kitty Genovese because they never offered to help me-- nor did they applaud my agility or passionately swoon at my feet in celebration of my feline landing-- instead they simply chuckled at me once I got rolling again (which I needed to do quickly, because my six year old son was ahead of me and never saw the crash, so he just kept on biking).

6 comments:

zman said...

I bet those three women were Canadian and they would have cared enough to help you if you cared even one iota about their country, but you do not so they did not.

Alex said...

Brutal. I have seen bike accessories like that and always thought that something like that might happen. It's one of the reasons that I keep my bike rides and my dog's walks separate. Combining them seems like a good idea, but in practice, I know it would be like crash crash crash.

Dave said...

i think he's got it now-- this crash scared the shit out of him. and, obviously, i am invincible . . . like a super-cat, so i will continue with this stupidity.

zman said...

I love Super Cat. Don Dada is a great album.

Dave said...

more references for me to google.

Donna said...

Our kids' most awesome wonderful babysitter and friend from WV was visiting for several days, and I read her this s.o.d., as she is a huge animal-lover, and it made her laugh a LOT, so thank you! glad you were okay. those contraptations sound awful!

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