I Could Have Told You This Without Doing A Study

A recent study done at The University of California asserts that people enjoy mystery and suspense stories more if the plot is spoiled . . . and this makes perfect sense to me, because I usually enjoy something more if I have more information about it; it is easier to process and less stressful . . . which is why I am vehemently opposed to surprise parties, which have nothing to do with the victim's enjoyment of the party and are all about the selfish, egotistical party-planners, who think they are so clever, withholding information from the person who is supposed to enjoy the party the most, but, of course, the victim doesn't enjoy the party the most . . . the planners enjoy the party the most, because, as the study illustrates, they are in the know, and the victim doesn't enjoy the party because the victim is either A) genuinely surprised, which as the study shows, is not particularly enjoyable and can be a lot to process-- I was genuinely surprised by a party on my 30th birthday, and it took me an hour to get over the fact that we were no longer (and never had been) going to my favorite mexican restaurant or B) not surprised because the victim sussed out the party, and then has to deal with the stress of acting surprised, which, unless the victim is a professional actor, is not fun and rather stressful . . . and so let this be a lesson to all of you potential surprise party planners: people enjoy knowing what's going to happen next . . . especially if it's something fun like a party, so don't deprive someone of all the happy and enjoyable preparatory thoughts about a party in their honor just because you feel the need to exercise your sinister desires to spread disinformation and skulk about . . . you're not being ingenious, you're being iniquitous.


Mr. Reck said...

Dave - This couldn't be more YOU. No surprises, ever? Really? I mean, I'm all for an occasional spoiler, but I would LOVE a surprise party. You're officially in charge of surprising me with a surprise party this year. Seriously, I'm going to miss eating lunch with you and Liz this year so I can't roll my eyes at stuff at your curmudgeon-y puffing.

Dave said...

i'm telling you, you don't want a surprise party. you might have a stroke or heart attack . . . or worse.

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