A Story With No Moral (But Plenty of Splattering)

Alex punched Ian in the back when he came up the stairs because Ian was being annoying about how much money he had made doing gardening work for my wife, so I explained to Alex that it was a free country and Ian could say what he liked about how much money he made, and Alex could answer him back or be the bigger person and choose to ignore him, but he couldn't hit him; then I got in the shower and heard some screaming but decided I would let them figure it out-- there's nothing more ridiculous than a wet, angry dad in a towel trying to discipline his children-- and when I finally got downstairs to hear the story, I noticed there was red crap all over the cabinet and ceiling and this was because Ian was cutting some strawberries and Alex wanted some but Ian told him to wait until he was done cutting them-- he wasn't keen to give him any because Alex had recently punched him in the back-- and so Alex put Ian in a headlock but then remembered that he wasn't supposed to get physical with his younger brother, so to express his rage in a nonviolent matter, he threw some strawberries at the cabinet and they splattered onto the ceiling-- but, though he admitted this was very stupid, he pointed out that it was better than hitting his brother, which was probably true (and while I was annoyed with him for a moment, once I heard my wife yelling at him for throwing strawberries instead of punching his brother, I had to laugh . . . and though we tried to make him clean up the mess, he wasn't tall enough to reach the splatter . . . so maybe it would be easier for everyone if instead of sublimating, Alex just went back to punching Ian).

5 comments:

rob said...

when he gets older, one of his dumbass friends will be helping him clean up after a party, and they'll throw a beer bottle full of dipshit across the room, and it'll spin end over end and spatter the ceiling, and he'll have to try to explain that to the landlord when he moves out.

or so i've heard.

Whitney said...

That thing was like the Uzi down the stairs in True Lies. Just a perfect and perfectly awful toss.

zman said...

Will the bottle be full of dipshit or dipspit? The latter seems easier to accomplish--all the dipshits around here are too big to fit in a bottle.

Dave said...

who threw the bottle of dipspit?

Whitney said...

Chris Old, I believe

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