My Master is Good

I am very, very sorry for my poor typing yesterday -- my paws are large and clumsy and my vocabulary is rather limited, but after hours of intense practice, I have learned to accurately slap the letters on the keyboard with my neutered penis . . . Master, I hope you can find it within your pure and bountiful soul to forgive me, and when you come home, I will come to the door, greet you, and then roll unto my back, prostrate, and wiggle in obeisance to your greatness and munificence; I also miss both the sub-master (who I sometimes believe to be your master, but who is not my Master, which confuses me greatly, despite my knowledge of the transitive theory) and the two tiny-masters . . . though they are often cruel to me for no reason . . . but I stray from my point (stray . . . ha!) which is that you are a great master and that I will sit in complete deference to you when you arrive back from your vacation, though you did not take me, though you know that I love the snowy mountains . . . but you are a virtuous and wise master, and must have your reasons why you left me home, and who am I to question you, my Master, and plus, this gives me plenty of time to lick my testicles, which I know you don't want to see or hear . . . and so I will take advantage of this and get it "all out of my system" while you are gone, and then return to perfect behavior once you return.

6 comments:

Clarence said...

This is weird. Even for Dave.

Dave said...

dave's not here, man.

zman said...

Remind me never to touch Dave's keyboard.

Sirius Black, Esq. said...

For the record, Dave is writing this blog and pretending to be me. Since you know Dave, you will notice the pedestrian attempts at humor and the usage of above average SAT words “wiggle in obeisance to your greatness and munificence”. That is pure Dave. That said, as he has further belittled my existence with horrid typing and blatant misrepresentations of scattered thoughts and genital obsessions (not true!), that MFer better start sleeping with one eye open. I will have mine.

rob said...

woof

Dave said...

this is getting to be like the inception of dog literature. where the hell is my sentence today?

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