A Word To The Wise About A Word


So this sentence is about a word that I learned to NOT to call your wife on a Friday afternoon . . . to explain: my vocabulary lesson began Friday third period, when Eric recommended the movie Super 8 to me-- explaining that it was in adventure in the spirit of The Goonies-- and so I asked him if it was okay for my kids to watch (they are 6 and 7 years old) and he said, "Absolutely," and though he has no kids, he does have a baby on the way, and he once was a kid . . . so I trusted his review and went to the local Redbox and got a Blu-ray copy and proceeded to get my children all amped up for movie night-- a movie that not only would they enjoy, but that mommy and daddy would enjoy as well! and we would order food! and watch the whole thing!-- and then my wife came home and I told her my awesome plan-- to order some food and watch this movie that the entire family would not merely tolerate, but actually enjoy, and she said, "Super 8? I don't think that's for our kids . . . I think that's too scary for them," and Alex, Ian, and I claimed it was NOT too scary and that Eric had recommended it, and when my wife pointed out that Eric didn't have kids, we ignored her logic, and then my wife-- who was already feeling a bit sensitive as a parent because that afternoon my mom and some other teachers gave her a guilt trip about our kids not believing wholeheartedly in the whole Santa myth-- looked up Super 8 on the internet and found some reviews that said the film was a bit scary and inappropriate for young children (perhaps that's why it's rated PG-13) but I found a review by Roger Ebert that said it's like The Goonies and then I called my wife a word that I should not have called her . . . I called her a "buzzkill," which she did not take kindly . . . but because we (meaning all the boys) were adamant that the movie was going to be great, we sat down together and watched it . . . and it was great, but it is pretty inappropriate for young kids: there's an F-bomb (Alex turned to Ian and said, "That was the F-word") and there's some drug use and some major violence and suspense and a fair bit of cursing-- all of which Eric remembered when he was reminded about it, but skipped his mind when he offered his endorsement-- and due to this content, Alex claimed it was "the greatest movie ever" and Ian concurred-- though he hid under the blankets during one scene . . . and every time there was an inappropriate part I had to suffer the withering stare of my wife and her sarcastic, "So I'm a buzzkill?" refrain . . . and though I've banned the use of sarcasm in the house, I had to let it slide this time because I certainly deserved it.

6 comments:

Al DePantsdowno said...

So many things to comment on in this post. Have you also taken away the magic that is the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy?

zman said...

You should have suggested that if she donned her snowshoveling boots maybe your buzz would come back. I bet that would've defused the whole situation in your favor.

rob said...

i think you should have played dumb. "buzzkill? no, you misunderstand. i was talking about my buzzcut".

Dave said...

this are all wonderful suggestions which i will implement the next time i screw up.

they figured out the easter bunny and tooth fairy as well, but when it comes down to crunch time, they pretend to believe in whatever mythical creature will bring them material goods . . .

Al DePantsdowno said...

Great. And they know not to ruin it for other kids? And how did they "figure out" there's no tooth fairy? I can't tell you how many times I forgot to put money under their pillow because I was too drunk, then threw it under the bed in the morning when they came in crying that the tooth fairy never came. "It must have slipped out from under your pillow."

Dave said...

ian drew a picture of the tooth he had extracted to put under his pillow so he could keep the actual tooth, and the tooth fairy accepted this ersatz currency . . .

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