Holiday Wishes


So the other day I watched my son Alex mule kick his younger brother in the privates, and when I made the mistake of trying to get the bottom of the incident, this is what I learned: Alex claimed he was retaliating because Ian punched him in the face and Ian said he punched Alex in the face because Alex said he was "never going to be friends with him again" and Alex explained that he said this to his younger brother because he-- Alex-- had put a Lego set on his Christmas list and then Ian copied him and put the same set on his Christmas list and Alex told him to erase it because there was no way that they were going to get two of the same Lego set and that he had claimed it first but Ian refused to erase the Lego set from his list and so that exchange caused the chain reaction which resulted in all the hitting and mule-kicking and I would love-- just once-- to give my kids nothing but coal on Christmas, so that they think there is some credibility to this whole "naughty and nice" list . . . because it's obvious that no one is checking this thing "twice" for accuracy.

8 comments:

zman said...

I never liked Legos.

Igor said...

Amen, Dave. Nobody will let me do the level-setting, no gifts "I guess maybe you should have been better this year." What gravity future threats would carry!

Dave said...

it just has to happen to one kid per town, because every kid would hear about it in school and all kids everywhere would be good all year long . . .

Igor said...

What about having a conversation with Catheron that you "accidentally" let your kids overhear about Tommy Malloy, the kid from a few streets over who got nothing this year because he hit his sister in the face? Your kids are clever enough to see through some ruses, but I have seen you act out a complete lie with the best of them.

Igor said...

And by Catheron I mean Catherine.

Dave said...

i thought catheron was her stage name. we are doing it-- we'll wait a few days and then bring it up . . . just plant the seed . . . and then a month before next christmas we can revisit it and see if it has any effect.

rob said...

dave's kids would grok that ruse in a hurry, as highland park has nothing but jews and hungarian-italians. best to change malloy to marzano.

zman said...

Kalman DiBennidetto sounds better to me.

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