How Do You Not Be "That Parent"?

I am finding it extremely difficult to watch my son Alex's travel team soccer games without "coaching" from the sidelines . . . I think I have coached soccer too long and I have lost my ability to simply be a fan; I'm trying to chat as much as possible with the other parents to divert my attention from the game, but it's a losing battle-- inevitably, I have to disperse some of wisdom I've garnered from nearly twenty years of coaching and so I yell: "Spread out!" or "Relax and pick your head up!" or some other brilliant phrase that will certainly ensure a victory for the Eagles (and I am certainly aware of the irony of yelling the word "relax").


Squeaky said...

Start bringing a stationary bike to the sidelines and everytime you feel the need to coach jump on it and pedal away. It'll keep you occupied.

The upside of this action is other parents will think you are nuts. So when you do starting yelling out coaching advice again they'll think you are really crazy and ignore you. Problem solved.

Al DePantsdowno said...

When I have to take my kids to karate class, I make sure I have a book with me to read. Otherwise I glare at them and make threatening gestures in their general direction to let them know I think they are behaving like jerks (the kids, I mean). It got to the point where I was ready to walk out on the mat and punch them myself because they would be either annoyingly obnoxious or completely inattentive. It’s hard to watch someone else coach/teach your kid, but that’s why we pay them.

Dave said...

thanks all-- i feel so much better now. do other people see me make those threatening gestures? while i'm making them, i feel like they are discreet, but i think i may look like a lunatic. i will take you sage advice and read some classic literature instead of increasing my blood pressure.

but how could alex turn the ball back to the middle in a defensive situation? i've trained him NOT to do that!

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